Thoughts on kids at the ceremony? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

wembley · #1 01-04-2006, 08:19 PM

Last night we started going over our guest list and it brought up some discussion.

I had a few kids on the guest list. They are either family or basically family so I was going to invite those kids. FH had talked to his mother earlier and she had it in her mind that we don't want any kids there because they're only trouble and has already convinced her nephew to find a babysitter for the evening.

FH was under the impression that kids just aren't invited but I think it's only because of his recent conversation. I wasn't planning on inviting lots of kids and I don't know if the parents would bring them or not but I wasn't going to tell them they couldn't come.

Are you inviting children to your festivities or did you have any kids come?

munchkin · #2 01-04-2006, 08:45 PM

no I'm not inviting any kids. I want an adults only party without dealing with screaming kids during my ceremony. And honestly....I want the attention on me and not the little rugrats

bebe · #3 01-04-2006, 08:51 PM

The only kids invited to our wedding were the ones in the wedding (nieces.) For us it was a space and budget issue. We also didn't think it would be fair to allow some people to bring their kids while others were not allowed, so we just said no kids across the board.

fallbride · #4 01-04-2006, 08:54 PM

We are having kids at ours... We have 3 kids between us.... I personally do not go to weddings where my child is not invited also. I watch my child and she is behaved at weddings. I think it is better to leave it up to the parents if they want to bring them or not. That is my opinion on this matter and I know my family feels the same and a lot of my friends with kids.

Lizbet · #5 01-04-2006, 08:55 PM

We invited kids. We wanted to make our celebration about the joining of families. And, for us the children in the families were just as important as the adults. So, all were welcome at our ceremony and reception.

Marge129 · #6 01-04-2006, 10:01 PM

I had children at my wedding... but I LOVE children. I also knew that the majority of my guests coming in from OOT had kids and wouldn't make the trip without them. If I wanted my entire family there, I had to have kids... I allowed kids and we had my ENTIRE family there!

wembley · #7 01-04-2006, 10:25 PM

I love kids too and that's why it didn't even cross my mind to not invite some. I'm not opening up a daycare in the chapel and inviting every child in the neighborhood but a few of the families we are inviting have kids and I want them to be there too. The whole day is all about becoming family and joining lives. I'm not worried if one makes some noise. That's how life goes.

More than the fact that they were told to not bring their kids is the fact that my FMIL took it upon herself to decide that. Now I've had my issues with her all along but I love her and we're family now so we move past issues. It just irks me that's she's moved past making comments to me or FH and now to other family and guests.

I want some kids at the wedding.

CupieJen · #8 01-04-2006, 10:25 PM

I think we only had 2 kids at ours (nope-3). None were in the wedding though. we just don't know a whole lot of kids. I agree that you should have it an all or nothing thing, and although I dind't have to make that decision becuase we don't know that many kids to begin with, I would invite them all--AS LONG AS it didn't get out of hand & there'd end up being a TON of them. I went to a wedding last summer that had about a million kids in the wedding & a million more invited to the wedding and it was sooooooooooo obnoxious. Personal preference I think, but I can handle a few.

cru5h · #9 01-04-2006, 10:30 PM

We're having just a simple ceremony and a familiar reception, so the kids are all welcome. There are my 2 sons, Richy's 2 pre-teen daughters and my cousin's little 3-year-old girl. I think it's totally ok to not invite the kids if you don't think they'll fit in there. If you don't see a problem with it, speak up to the FH and ask why he doesn't want them there, see if you can compromise something. It shouldn't be too hard for FMIL to call this other person and say, "They're OK with you bringing the baby" or whatever.

fallbride · #10 01-04-2006, 10:33 PM

I have been in a wedding which they said no kids and had people drive 6 hours to be a this wedding and find sitters for the kids to find out that they had kids in the wedding and the groom had invited some kids on his side only to be there. The guest were not happy!

I agree it should all or none...that mean if you chose none..then you should not have any in the wedding either.

Complicated Woman · #11 01-04-2006, 10:49 PM

We're not specifying no children, so if a few show up, we'll be ready! But there are only a few kiddies that could possibly come, anyway -- maybe 8, and that's including my sister who will be our flower girl. Tom's cousins have a couple of little ones between them, but truthfully I think most of them would prefer to find sitters and enjoy the night. I'm happy to leave it up to our guests.

PlanetClaire · #12 01-04-2006, 11:02 PM

It's a toughy! There are going to be kids at mine but it will be small scale and outdoors- so hopefully they can keep entertained and the parents are good at making sure the kids are relatively well-behaved.

Except for 1.....And I feel strongly too that it's all or none invited. I won't bore you with the complicated details of who this child is but MY GOD she is a BRAT!!! LOL. And I fear she may cause a scene as my future step-daughter is going to be a flowergirl....oh families!!!

Still have a few months not to have to think about it but it's going to be tough!

Elle · #13 01-04-2006, 11:12 PM

My FH and I decided from the start no children at the reception. They are welcome to come to the church but we wanted the reception to be a time for adults to kick back and let their hair down without having to attend to their children. I love my niece and nephews, but I couldn't allow them to come and say no to everybody else. It was hard fro me to say no, but people understood. We have made up extra bonbonerie to give to the kids who do come to the church so they have something special to take home.

gymrat · #14 01-04-2006, 11:13 PM

I had children at my wedding and had no prob with them. I thought it was nice to see them dancing on the floor.

My bro and SIL had a no kid reception (drama issue bc my DS was originally allowed but then not and he was only 1 month old and I was BFing and it was out of state). I would have not went or been in the wedding if the ceremony did not allow children bc I refused at that time to find a sitter given the above reasons plus we did not have any family there as those would of been the only people I would of trusted to watch my child.

I guess it depends on the children. Do you know how the usually act? Do the parents allow them to run wild? If the children typically are well behaved or the parents will settle them down quickly if they get out of hand then I think you will be fine having them attend if you like.

Hope that all made sense.

maroki13 · #15 01-04-2006, 11:32 PM

FH and I decided to allow children because there are lots of young children on both sides of our family and we both love children. We also have several close friends (in the wedding) that have children and we are having young cousins in the wedding. Our reception is in the afternoon, so it isn't a super-formal affair and it is very family-oriented. Family means a lot to both of us and our families include lots of little children, so we decided to include everyone!

labeadel · #16 01-05-2006, 02:23 AM

We only invited the children of families that would be coming from out of town (2,000 miles out of town). Anyone in town did not get to bring their children. I didn't want lots of kiddies running around at my wedding. We only invited the two that came because they decided to travel half way across the country to be at our wedding. Oh, and my niece and nephew were there (ages 11 & 13, respectively) and they were involved in the wedding. He was an usher and she did the guestbook. I don't see a big deal with picking and choosing which kids get to come and which don't. Some you're closer with and some you're not. If I went to a wedding and my future kids weren't invited and there were some there, I wouldn't be angry. It's their choice on who they want to attend their wedding.

deputysgurl · #17 01-05-2006, 02:40 AM

I have people travelling a day to get to the wedding, and they all have kids, I have kids in the wedding, and then my nephews will deffinitly be there. My feelings is that kids make up my family so they should be included. we are expecting around 10-15 kids at the wedding.

Heather · #18 01-05-2006, 02:47 AM

We didn't invite children and the only ones who attended were those who were in the wedding. Fallbride, I'm sorry to call you out on this, but I do NOT think it's up to the guests to decide who should be invited to someone else's wedding. (You mention the couple should leave it up to the parents.)

I don't think children should be invited to an evening, formal event and that's what we had. I think it depends on what type of wedding/reception you're having.

I would much rather have a parent decline the invitation than to bring their kids, and I actually find it amusing when parents get "tiffed" about their children not being invited. Luckily not one of our friends with children had an issue with it, and actually thanked us for a wonderful night out with just the two of them. I think most couples are happy to have the time and have no problem leaving the kid with a sitter. Most reasonable people understand that it cost money to have children there, and why would a parent get pissed b/c the couple would rather see a friend of theirs, instead of someone else's kid? (Unless of course there are issues with BF'ing, or something like that as LisaMarie mentioned.) I think the "all or none" rule is just a safety net so the couple getting married and PAYING for everything doesn't feel guilty. Screw that. They should be allowed to invite whomever they want.

This topic always spurns some interesting comments and sometimes a little drama.

fallbride · #19 01-05-2006, 03:13 AM

Heather... I meant that if the parents wanted to have a evening without the kids that they can get a sitter, if not they could bring them.

All I am saying that if I wanted an eveing out with my FH without the kids then I will get a sitter. I guess I grew up with a huge family and kids were always welcomed!

It is your wedding... do what you and your FH want... everybody has an opinion on this subject and we could agree both sides on this till we are all blue in the face.

munchkin · #20 01-05-2006, 03:56 AM

I'm still kind of confused fallbride. Do you mean that you would invite the kids but would leave it up to the parents whether or not to accept on their behalf, or would you just extend the invitation to the parents and then the parents would decide if they wanted to bring the kids or not?

And for the record, I do like kids. Not liking kids is not the reason I'm not having them at my wedding.

Heather · #21 01-05-2006, 04:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fallbride

Heather... I meant that if the parents wanted to have a evening without the kids that they can get a sitter, if not they could bring them.

So you mean that the bride and groom should always allow children whether they want them there or not, and then let the parents decide if they want to bring their children?

(I'm just trying to understand what you mean.)

ljeagle · #22 01-05-2006, 05:06 AM

My sister Owens a Day Care Center so she is having 3 of her people come and keep the 5 and under in a room where there will be a lot for them to do. Then after the ceremony they can join there parents for the reception. We have a lot of kids well I should say babies. 6 babies and 2 two year olds and 2 three year olds. I really don't want a bunch of babies crying in the middle of every thing. FH says his grand child is not going with any one he wants him there. Grrrr he just don't understand...

fallbride · #23 01-05-2006, 12:49 PM

I am not saying the I think the bride and groom should invite kids if they don't want to. Some people do not want kids there and that is up to the couple getting married. I just know some people that will not attend a wedding if their children are not invited. And as for if to bring kids.... If I was invited to a wedding (where my child was invited also) and decided that would be my night out, then I would get a sitter.

I am not trying to start some heated agrument here..... Like the saying goes.... opinions are like butt holes...everybody has one.

I am not saying that people who dont like kids...don't invite them. I know some people do not invite them because of the type of wedding it is (black tie) which once again... I think it is for the bride and groom to make that call for their wedding.

Our wedding is a family wedding, so kids are welcomed. I have a huge family and there are a ton of kids. I personally would not even think about not inviting them. Bu then again that is me PERSONALLY.

I am sorry if I offened anyone by saying what I did.

TheaterDiva1 · #24 01-05-2006, 02:45 PM

We invited a few kids - my cousins' kids and others who were in the BP.

Heather · #25 01-05-2006, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fallbride

I am sorry if I offened anyone by saying what I did.

Thanks for explaining. You didn't offend anyone girl. As mentioned earlier, this always sparks an interesting thread, lol. I was just trying to understand what you meant.