Bridesmaid dissapointment - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Elle · #1 01-04-2006, 01:16 AM

I am so upset. My wedding is in ten days and my bridesmaid (my own sister!) has shown no interest or happiness for me whatsoever. I had to buy her dress, and am paying for her hair and makeup and bouquet. She hasn't once offered to pay any money towards anything. I asked her to come and see me try my wedding dress on in the bridal shop and she brought her 2 year old son along with her! Then when she saw my dress she just said "Hmmm". I wish I never asked her to be a bridesmaid, but thought I was doing the right thing. She is my older sister. If it wasn't so close to the actual wedding I would "fire" her! What should I do? I'm very dissapointed. The worst part is I chose her over a good friend who truly wants to be involved and is so excited for me.

wynelle · #2 01-04-2006, 01:23 AM

Aren't families hell?

Now, why is she so dissinterested? Is she jealous of the attention you are receiving? Was she not able to have the wedding of her dreams? Does she feel you are spending too much of your parents' money? How much older is she than you? Were you formerly closer than you are now? Does she think that your parents are paying for everything, so she doesn't need to contribute?

I know none of this helps, you really just want a sympathetic ear. I'm sorry she isn't being more supportive at such an important time in your life.

Marge129 · #3 01-04-2006, 01:36 AM

I'm so sorry your sister's acting that way. Mine did the same thing to me, and she was my MOH. Once I called her out on it and said if I needed to I'd replace her (but this was a few months before the wedding). After that she got her act together and started helping me out more.

Good luck! Try not to let her ruin your day!!!!

whiddle · #4 01-04-2006, 01:51 AM

Im sorry she is being a maidzilla. We seem to have a few of those on here. Do you know why she is acting this way? Best of luck!

Oh, and Welcome to Bliss!

Elle · #5 01-04-2006, 02:11 AM

My FH thinks my sister is a bit jealous. She and her partner have been together for 10 years - no wedding on the horizon. But my FH and I are paying for our wedding ourselves, except my parents are paying for the reception, and we have had to struggle to afford it. Her dress cost $300! My sister and I used to be really close, but I even had to ask her about my hens night because she hadn't organised anything and she said she "forgot about it". I was looking forward to us sharing this moment together, but oh well. I just hope she is a bit more supportive on the day, but I say to anyone out there to pick your bridesmaids very carefully !

cru5h · #6 01-04-2006, 02:15 AM

I don't know why this happens, but Elle - there are like 30% of us on here who have had major problems with our bridesmaids and/or maids of honor. It's a strange thing because you'd expect them to be thrilled for you and they end up letting all the air out of you instead. I hope she has a change of heart. Talking about it with her would be a good step toward that, but go into it calmly and not accusing. Good luck!

Complicated Woman · #7 01-04-2006, 02:20 AM

Elle, I'm really sorry to hear that she isn't excited for you. Try not to let her ruin your day.

ljeagle · #8 01-04-2006, 02:38 AM

Don't let it kill your day. Maybe your sister is having a hard time with it. I know my sister got married after my first wedding went all to He** in a basket. She didn't even ask me to do any thing. I wasn't even in any shape to be there at that point. She understood Thank God. Just don't let her kill your day...

ladedah · #9 01-04-2006, 06:18 PM

Elle, I'm so sorry to hear this!! Just try to keep your head up...I have been going through my own bridesmaid hell...so I totally understand...just remember that in 10 days you'll be married and that is all that really matters!!

labeadel · #10 01-04-2006, 11:42 PM

I don't remember seeing this, but have you tried to sit down and talk to her about her behavior. I'm not sure what good it will do so close to the wedding other than let her know that you see that she's not thrilled about your wedding right now, but if she could put that on hold for the next 2 weeks and show you a little enthusiasm that you'd greatly appreciate it.

Best of luck to you! It's so close! Do whatever you can to try to keep your sanity!

555Ann555 · #11 01-04-2006, 11:54 PM

Firstly welcome to Bliss (or should that be Pash now?) and congratulations on your wedding! Just 10 days to go!!!

I'm sorry your sister isn't being very supportive about this.

Did you see it coming at all? I mean, is she normally quite supportive or does she tend not to be overly happy for you? I'm just thinking that if she's normally really happy for you then it could be something else that is distracting her, but if she's normally jealous towards you then there probably isn't going to be very much you can do about her current apathy.

Did you pick her because you felt obliged to or because you really thought she'd be a great MOH?

allison · #12 01-05-2006, 03:54 AM

Congratulations and Welcome!!

I'm sorry that sister is being so unsupportive. I know it's really hard when family members aren't there when we need them the most. It's not the same, but you will find the women here to be incredibly understanding and supportive. So come vent whenever you need!

Elle · #13 01-05-2006, 09:59 PM

I picked my sister because I always imagined my sister being there by my side when I got married. Unfortunately she is a bit of a lost cause. I should have known I would have to pay for everything for her, but I did think she would be a bit more excited for me. The other night I asked her if she would like to stay at my house the night before the wedding because I would be alone, and I thought it would be great to have a girly night with my older sister/bridesmaid - she said "Nah, I'll be right thanks". I invited her to breakfast on the morning of the wedding - "Sorry, can't make it" - AAAARRRHHHH! But I will not let her ruin my wedding day. I just hope my frustration with her doesn't show in my wedding photos!

555Ann555 · #14 01-05-2006, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elle

The other night I asked her if she would like to stay at my house the night before the wedding because I would be alone, and I thought it would be great to have a girly night with my older sister/bridesmaid - she said "Nah, I'll be right thanks". I invited her to breakfast on the morning of the wedding - "Sorry, can't make it" - AAAARRRHHHH!!

OMG!

That's unreal! I'd be so shocked in your position, she obviously didn't even take the time to consider if you might need her support that night! Your request wasn't just for her... I don't know! And what on earth can she be doing the morning of your wedding that is more important than sharing your last single morning and helping you get ready??? Have you just one BM? I'm just wondering if it's possible to side-line her and have someone else play the role of MOH even if she's got the title... Is your FH supporting you in this? Have you told him how unsupportive your sis is being?

I'd be furious with her! You must have a lot of patience

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #15 01-05-2006, 11:58 PM

I think you already know why she's having a difficult time with you getting married. She's OLDER and she's been with her man for 10 YEARS with NO WEDDING IN SIGHT! I understand she should try to make your wedding day all about YOU, but you have to understand why this is extremely emotionally difficult for her to see you getting married which probably makes her think nothing but she's not and probably "never will." I hope you don't "fire her" over this and can instead view her disintrest with a little compassion for her feelings. Maybe it would help if you tried talking to her about how she's feeling.

feb-bride · #16 01-07-2006, 03:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marrying_the_Good_Husband

I think you already know why she's having a difficult time with you getting married. She's OLDER and she's been with her man for 10 YEARS with NO WEDDING IN SIGHT! I understand she should try to make your wedding day all about YOU, but you have to understand why this is extremely emotionally difficult for her to see you getting married which probably makes her think nothing but she's not and probably "never will." I hope you don't "fire her" over this and can instead view her disintrest with a little compassion for her feelings. Maybe it would help if you tried talking to her about how she's feeling.

Again, I agree with MTGH 100%.

It's really hard when your YOUNGER sister is getting married before you, especially when you've been with your man for YEARS and there's no wedding in sight. I'm not saying that her behavior is acceptable, but I think it helps to deal with people when you at least know where they're coming from.