Pre-Martial Counseling.... For real? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

mulky377 · #1 07-19-2007, 04:42 PM

I don't know if this is the correct place to post this question, but I figured someone would know. My FH and I are definately going to pre-martial counseling. But he just informed me that from 6mon to a year before the marriage there is to be no premartial s*x. Is this true?

Sh@ks18 · #2 07-19-2007, 05:04 PM

I think its you and your FH's decision whether you want to wait until marriage or not.

AshyBekka · #3 07-19-2007, 05:16 PM

It depends I guess. My friend and her husband did the counselling through the Catholic church, and even though they were living together, they decided together to go along with the abstention (about 6months) prior to the wedding. Obviously no one's going to be popping into the bedroom to check, but it's up to you guys how you're going to handle it. If there's religious motiviation, then this may be a good time to talk about any differences you might have in that department as well..

maroki13 · #4 07-19-2007, 05:21 PM

If you are doing religious pre-marital counseling, then many denominations will probably request you abstain from sex until the wedding. However, as someone already stated, no one will be checking up on you two in the bedroom, so it is really up to the two of you to decide whether to abstain or not. I could be reading into the tone of your post, but it seems that your FH has made up his mind and you seem a little taken back; I believe it is a decision that the two of you should make together.

feb-bride · #5 07-20-2007, 01:21 AM

Honestly? You've already let the horse out of the barn. You won't become a virgin again if you stop having sex now, so if you're worried about breaking the "no sex before marriage" rule, too late!

southern belle · #6 07-20-2007, 03:19 AM

my husband and i tried (notice i said "tried") to abstain from sex for about one month before our wedding. not because of premarital counseling but just because we thought it might make the honeymoon that much more special. we lasted about one week. lol.

Kim&Bob2004 · #7 07-20-2007, 05:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feb-bride

Honestly? You've already let the horse out of the barn. You won't become a virgin again if you stop having sex now, so if you're worried about breaking the "no sex before marriage" rule, too late!

I agree with this. But it all depends on you. If you do decide to say yes to the stipulation, stick to it, it's a promise you are making to each other. My husband and I never had sex before our marriage, so I am living proof that it can be done and it WON'T kill you.

feb-bride · #8 07-20-2007, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kim&Bob2004

I agree with this. But it all depends on you. If you do decide to say yes to the stipulation, stick to it, it's a promise you are making to each other. My husband and I never had sex before our marriage, so I am living proof that it can be done and it WON'T kill you.

I think it's one thing to have NEVER had sex before you got married. I think it's another thing when you've been doing it all along but then stop for a period of time before the wedding.

AshyBekka · #9 07-20-2007, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feb-bride

I think it's one thing to have NEVER had sex before you got married. I think it's another thing when you've been doing it all along but then stop for a period of time before the wedding.

True-but I've had 2 girlfriends now who abstained prior to the wedding...one, because her husband is Catholic and the Church required it to get the dispensation (she's not), and the other for 3 months before just because that's something they both decided they wanted to do for their own reasons. The bottom line in both cases was that they both agreed. If this groom is making a unilateral decision without talking it over first, I think that's more problematic than not having sex for a few months-as Kim said, it's not like it'll kill anyone!

morganova · #10 07-20-2007, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AshyBekka

Obviously no one's going to be popping into the bedroom to check, but it's up to you guys how you're going to handle it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by feb-bride

Honestly? You've already let the horse out of the barn.

I respect people who wait, and I respect people who don't - basically I have nothing new to add, but just wanted to say this thread has me cracking up.

syringa · #11 07-20-2007, 09:09 PM

There are reasons that counselors, particularly ministers, ask you to abstain from sex before marriage and some will ask you to live apart if you are living together. It has to do with the emotional effects of a sexual relationship. When sex is involved it is easy to overlook issues or warning signs because one part of your relationship is so good and you let it compensate for the not-so-good things. If you abstain and the two of you focus on really getting to know each other, you will begin to notice things about each other's personalities that you see for the first time. Then you can initiate discussions and clarify issues before the wedding, not after. Things like different spending styles or communication issues can be swept under the carpet when one of you is reluctant to talk about the issues that will make or break your marriage.

Perhaps your fiance is feeling the need to step back and really focus on your whole relationship without the distraction of a sexual relationship. If so, he needs to tell you that. It is also possible that his church frowns on pre-marital sex and he had some feelings of guilt all along that he needs to deal with. He really needs to tell you why he feels like he does so that you can either support him or work through the issues involved.

Kim&Bob2004 · #12 07-21-2007, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AshyBekka

True-but I've had 2 girlfriends now who abstained prior to the wedding...one, because her husband is Catholic and the Church required it to get the dispensation (she's not), and the other for 3 months before just because that's something they both decided they wanted to do for their own reasons. The bottom line in both cases was that they both agreed. If this groom is making a unilateral decision without talking it over first, I think that's more problematic than not having sex for a few months-as Kim said, it's not like it'll kill anyone!

Basically that was my point. Trust me, I was very willing and even begged a time or two.....

but we stuck to our guns. Bob kept saying, we made promises..... and I knew that to break a promise like that would have made me feel really bad inside, mentally. Make sense?