Spurred on by the 'safe' post

[555Ann555]

Did any of you guys have an issue with batchelor parties?

My Fh is insisting that he doesn't want to have one. Seriously does not want to.

I may as well give you the background to this...

We've hung out with the same group of friends for about 15yrs. Two of them were getting married about 18months ago. The guys went to Glasgow for the stag night (but Fh didn't go coz he was working the next day), anyway... the guys ended up at a lapdancing place. FH was appaled. Most of the guys got private dances even though they're married/living with their girlfriends. Not one of them was single, not one seemed to feel bad about it. Every single one of the girlfriends/wives would go totally nuts if they knew about this! Moreno was completely disgusted by their behaviour; it's just not something he'd be into.

The other group of guys he kicks about with have been winding him up for years that their going to cut off his ponytail, so now our wedding has rolled around and their getting worse about it. It would completely kill him, he's been growing it for years now & would be *so* gutted if they did that. The problem is that I can't even tell if they mean it, there are a couple of guys in that group that get a bit out of control when their drunk... They all hang out in the bar I work in & one night when my FH wasn't in one of them asked to see my breasts I stared at him for a minute while he tried to focus & the look on his face was unreal, it was like it suddenly dawned on him just who's breasts he'd asked to see! He appologised straight away so I never told FH but the other girls that work there says he's always like that to them even though he's engaged.

Anyway those are the two big reasons that Mo doesn't want one. I've tried talking to him about it coz I don't want him to regret it after the wedding, but all he'll say is that he doesn't like them, he's not into all that drunken lecherous behaviour and doesn't want to go out with a bunch of guys that will just end up pissing him off.

The only thing I could convince him to even consider was having an alternative stag night & going to a gig of his choice with the guys. But he said this wouldn't really be a stag night, but surely you can have whatever stag night you want to have? I know girls can have whatever hen night they want...

I only had two 'rules' about his stag night,

1. have it at least a week before the wedding
2. do not cut his hair.

Everything else I was easy on. (he's very trustworthy, so I've no issue on that score...)

I understand about not wanting to go with the tradition, over here on the hen night the girls all get dressed up often in ridiculous costumes (fake tiara, L-plates) then go round the bars offering kisses for money carrying a potty for the money to be put in. Excuse me if I'm offending anyone but I do not want to spend that night losing my dignity by begging strangers for money.

So my suggestion has been dinner out in the city with the girls, followed by either the comedy club or maybe the rock nightclub. My Bm knows me so she'll not do anything tasteless!

Did any of you face similar issues? Do you have any thoughts on it? Anyone's DH not have a stag night & regret it?

[Heather]

I have no issues with strip clubs, lap-dances, etc. Go nutty. Just come home to me. Hell, I've probably been in female strip-clubs more than my husband.

I don't think I would be concerned if he didn't want to have a traditional stag party. It's his choice, and it's not like he's going to be married six months and think - damn! I should have had girls breasts in my face. If he does, put on a show for him. Or wait! That's a good idea! You give him a stag party in the privacy of your own home, just you two!

He can certainly choose what kind of night he wants to have. It sounds like he may only want to hang with a couple of his friends for the night and if they're as "mellow" as he is, I'm sure they'll go for it.

I wouldn't worry too much about it girl.

[maroki13]

My FH doesn't want a traditional bachelor party either. He would love to go to a game, a concert, or even a casino with the guys for a night.

I wouldn't worry that he doesn't want a traditional party. You obviously trust him very much, and it isn't your worry that is causing him to feel this way. Hopefully he will be able to think of something he is comfortable with that his friends will agree to. After all, it is a party he is supposed to enjoy, not unwanted wildness that is supposed to be forced upon him.

[555Ann555]

Originally Posted by Heather

I have no issues with strip clubs, lap-dances, etc. Go nutty. Just come home to me. Hell, I've probably been in female strip-clubs more than my husband.

I don't think it'd bother me much either... We went to Amsterdam a few years back and I told him to have whatever he liked but he wasn't up for it!

I'm probably worried about nothing but I'd just hate him to miss out on anything. Then again if it's something that's going to make him uncomfortable maybe he's right & he should give it a miss...

[maroki13]

I'm probably worried about nothing but I'd just hate him to miss out on anything. Then again if it's something that's going to make him uncomfortable maybe he's right & he should give it a miss...

What you are describing seems like choosing between the lesser of two evils for him: *uncomfortable fun* or *no fun at all*. Does he have a close friend who feels much like him, and he could trust to plan and carry out a party that he would really enjoy and not feel uncomfortable at? Even if this person isn't the BM, it may be something to think about.

I'm sure his friends wouldn't plan something that he would hate on purpose, but their ideas of fun may be worlds apart. Would they listen if he explained to them "X isn't the kind of fun I want, I would prefer a party with Y type of fun." ??

[555Ann555]

Well; his BM actually felt the same way about that stag night...Plus his BM also has long hair so would never ever cut Moreno's hair. I think we'd both trust him to organise something fun but not tacky (oh it's that dangerous word again ) but Mo says he feels akward about not inviting those who'd probably lose control! How could he tell the guys who go to all the football matches with him? 'You're not invited coz your a prick when you're drunk???'

I don't want to tread on any toes so I don't feel like I can make my feelings on it too obvious but...
What *I'd* suggest if it was at all up to me would be a gig in Glasgow followed by a drinking session in the Solid Rock (which plays the kind of music we both love) then if he can leave whenever he's ready to with whoever has had enough. Then the wilder guys can go onto the strip club or whatever and *they* can celebrate his last night of freedom They'd have one for him I'm sure


ETA: sorry missed this question...

I'm sure his friends wouldn't plan something that he would hate on purpose, but their ideas of fun may be worlds apart. Would they listen if he explained to them "X isn't the kind of fun I want, I would prefer a party with Y type of fun." ??

I doubt they'd listen even if he did try to tell them... But even if they did I doubt they'd still behave when they were out, it's that kind of pack hunting instinct, just gets hold of them! Och, maybe I'm not being fair, maybe they would understand and be grown up about it but I don't think Mo would trust them enough to risk it!

[munchkin]

I agree with the other ladies. Don't worry about him not wanting a traditional party.
DJ is going camping with his friends. They can sit around a fire and get their bawdy stories out and drink. Hopefully no one falls in a river or anything. I am uncomfortable with strippers etc, so there will be none of that.
Me, well, I'm going to Vegas!

[sparklesweetie]

[quote=Heather]I have no issues with strip clubs, lap-dances, etc. Go nutty. Just come home to me. Hell, I've probably been in female strip-clubs more than my husband.

Lol, H, you rock. I think you and I need to go out together....the last time I went I ended up giving a dancer a dance. My FH doesn't think he'll be having one either, mostly because he doesn't hang around a bunch of guys. His choice, but he knows he can decide to have one and I won't care. He also knows I'm going out with the girls the weekend before.

[PlanetClaire]

Ann, I could totally hear you saying "Och"!!! So cute!!

My FH doesn't want one either! I've tried to encourage him but it's his party and he's just going with a couple of close friends for the evening. No rollicking debauchery and carnage!

I guess men are changing?! ( says Claire with hope in her voice)

Sounds like you have a great guy and his BM sounds like he would take good care of him.

[Heather]

[quote=sparklesweetie]

Originally Posted by Heather

I have no issues with strip clubs, lap-dances, etc. Go nutty. Just come home to me. Hell, I've probably been in female strip-clubs more than my husband.

Lol, H, you rock. I think you and I need to go out together....the last time I went I ended up giving a dancer a dance.

Ready when you are sista!

[sparklesweetie]

Lol. I'm ready too...come down June 10th....will be a wild night!!!! Or, if I win the lottery, I can quit work and travel all over and visit all of you.

[cru5h]

I'm going with sparklesweetie and Heather! I don't think Richy cares either way about his "bachelor party". He hasn't been a bachelor in years. I envision him going clubbing with his brother. Maybe one of those clubs will be a strip club, I don't care. I don't know what I'm going to do. Probably nothing hehe.

[Complicated Woman]

I know Tom isn't planning on having a traditional stag night -- but I'd imagine that maybe his friends will want to get together and play cards, some of them would probably drink a bit, or whatever. He doesn't drink and neither of us are too keen on strip joints, besides the whole "I'm a pastor" thing. I'm sure Mo won't feel like he missed anything and if he does, you could always give him a private show.

[Jacqueline]

no i have no prob with what ever my FH wants to do the only thing i ask is that as we have 3 kids they dont get him in to probs which menas the kids would dip out on there dad and that he dose what he wants and no more or less and have fun with

again i know dave so well that hewill tell me what ever gose on any way and at the end of the day it is me he is marrying and me he loves so i dont need to worry about things he may want to get out of his systom before we tie the knot

as for my hen night me and my mum are sorting that cos my sister has no idea what i like for that type of night out and dave has the same rules for me as i have for him for the same reasons

and as we have a page boy and Bm that are all under the age of ten us and the best man and his wife(my FSIL) aong with my sister and her FH are taking them on a day out where they dont get told no to southend so they can be part of the hen and stage do's as well as that will be the hen night and stage night for the kids

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

Ann, it sounds like Mo needs new friends! It sounds like he's more afraid of how his friends would act and that's what the issue is with not wanting a party. I doubt it's something he would forever regret. If he feels it would be more disastrous than fun because of his friends, he's probably right.

[bebe]

Ann- DH didn't want a traditional bachelor party either, even though I was cool with it. We took a group trip to a place caled Pine Ridge with his band and the other wives and they sat out in the forest and played acoustic music and got wasted. We did the same thing again pool side at his best man's house. He only invited his bandmates and didn't worry that other people would get offended because they weren't invited - the ones who didn't get invited were the ones who wanted the strippers so they knew why they weren't invited. And since it was such a small group it was quiet so most people didn't even know he had a 'bachelor party.' He is VERY glad he did it this way. If he had gone ahead with what everyone else's idea of a traditional BP, he would have been miserable just having to watch after everyone else at his own party. If Mo doesn't want a stag night, I think it's okay!

[Marge129]

How did I miss this post? lol My POV? A picture is worth a thousand words:

That would be me at my bachelorette party (joint bachelor/bachelorette)... handcuffed to a pole with the 2 strippers that just got done giving me a lap dance.

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

Margie, thanks for reminding me why I don't feel comfortable with the idea of Dave going to strippers. Last week he had a holiday dinner with coworkers, and they decided to go to a strip club afterwards. He declined to join them--I think solely for my sake.

[Marge129]

That picture doesn't even come close to describing what *can* go on. That is an ALL-NUDE club... they just didn't get naked for the dance they gave me. We had the option of renting a private room... they would cycle the dancers down for private shows... and anything goes. I've heard of birthday parties that were held there when the girls had whipped cream on their coochies and the guys were in a line to... um... lick it off.

Now... do I want Jerry going to something like THAT without me? HELL NO! But, will I tag along and have a good ol time? HELL YEAH!

I think I end up getting more action at strip clubs than Jerry does. The girls either hate me or love me... he's even been yelled at for bringing a girl with bigger boobs than the dancers into the club!

[wembley]

I've heard a few of the groom's men coming up with ideas for Dustin's party but when it actually comes to it, I'm guessing it will be pretty low-key too. He's just not the wild and crazy kind of a guy. I think they can do whatever they would like though. I know who he's going to come home to and marry and I'm not worried. I even told the boys that the only rules were that it can't be the night before the wedding and there can't be any permanent scars. The rest is fair game.

I think my party is going to end up more interesting than his, knowing the girls taking me out.

[munchkin]

lol there are reasons I said no strippers.

[555Ann555]

OMG Margie! I had to look at that pic for ages before I even knew what was goin on! I think I need to get along to that club!

MTGH: I admit to thinking that once or twice Maybe he'll grow out of them!

Bebe: that sounds like a perfect way to have the stag/hen nights... wish I could've been there!

My happiest times with our crowd have been spent having a few drinks together while my FH's friends play accoustic guitar... It's so corny that I don't know whether I'll type it... well... I think I've told you all most of my secrets by now so I might as well...

My favourite memory is of one night when we were all hanging out, (before most of us got married or had kids) and Mo's BM started playing Poison's 'Every Rose Has It's Thorn' and singing it softly then we just all started to join in and it was beautiful! Maybe not the actual singing but the moment was! By the end we were just all singing our wee hearts our while grinning at each other! Such a corny 'sitcom' moment but now when I hear that song it brings a lump to my throat.
I'm too sentimental for my own good sometimes!

[feb-bride]

I had no issues with my husband having a bachelor party, nor did he have any issues with me having a bachelorette party.

To this day (almost four years after the wedding), I have no idea what went on at his party, and he has no idea what went on at my party. And we are both fine with this!

Also - my husband's party was the night before the wedding because there was no other good time, and it didn't bother me one bit.

[555Ann555]

Originally Posted by feb-bride

I had no issues with my husband having a bachelor party, nor did he have any issues with me having a bachelorette party.

To this day (almost four years after the wedding), I have no idea what went on at his party, and he has no idea what went on at my party. And we are both fine with this!

Also - my husband's party was the night before the wedding because there was no other good time, and it didn't bother me one bit.

That's brilliant Feb! Great that your kind of on an even playing field if you know what I mean... (BTW have you seen your post numbers??? )

It's not that I'd not trust Mo, I trust him every other day/night of our lives and that one will be no different. I guess I'm just an interfering cow Naw, I just want him to have a great time, one that'll leave him with happy memories!

ETA: I didn't know whether or not to mention this before so I always just left it out of my posts, but it might help expain a little why I'm so concerned with him enjoying himself... Mo was diagnosed with MS last year, that's the reason we moved the wedding forward to this year. Just seems pointless wasting anymore time.

With the way the national health service works over here it takes forever to do anything so we're still waiting on some of the tests but he's had his CAT scan & his MRI and a few others (mainly to rule stuff out) he's waiting for his lumbar puncture at the moment but we've been waiting for months now so we're not holding our breaths. We're trying to figure out how quickly it's progressing but he's pretty scared. I just want us both to have the best time possible in however long we have. If it's another 40 years then we'll make it a fantastic 40 and if it's not then we'll have fun while we can. All he asked when we found out is that we take each day as it comes and live for now.

[Marge129]

Originally Posted by 555Ann555

ETA: I didn't know whether or not to mention this before so I always just left it out of my posts, but it might help expain a little why I'm so concerned with him enjoying himself... Mo was diagnosed with MS last year, that's the reason we moved the wedding forward to this year. Just seems pointless wasting anymore time.

With the way the national health service works over here it takes forever to do anything so we're still waiting on some of the tests but he's had his CAT scan & his MRI and a few others (mainly to rule stuff out) he's waiting for his lumbar puncture at the moment but we've been waiting for months now so we're not holding our breaths. We're trying to figure out how quickly it's progressing but he's pretty scared. I just want us both to have the best time possible in however long we have. If it's another 40 years then we'll make it a fantastic 40 and if it's not then we'll have fun while we can. All he asked when we found out is that we take each day as it comes and live for now.

Oh wow... I had no idea all that was going on. I'm sending all the luck and prayers I can!