Calling all 2nd-timers! - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Sharon Naylor · #1 06-21-2007, 07:29 PM

We haven't had any questions here in a while, so just let me know what your questions are for those tricky 2nd-time wedding issues!

I'm planning my own 2nd wedding right now -- it's my FH's first wedding -- so we're running into a *lot* of (dare I say it?) ignorant questions and requests from other people who think we should 'play it down' (huh?). So if a wedding expert is getting unwelcome input from guests, I can tell you that you're not alone!

Just to share some of our 2nd/1st wedding details, I'm wearing the white gown, we're getting married at the reception site (the church gave us a runaround, so we skipped that whole thing), and we're doing everything very first-time traditional. I had a small wedding the first time -- mostly planned by my parents -- so it feels like the first time to me! Plus, I'm marrying a *much* better guy!

2nd-timers, I know you're out there, so let's open the discussion so that everyone can share their ideas...

ohiobride · #2 06-21-2007, 10:01 PM

Hi -- It was my second time ("encore") and DH's first, so I basically planned things geared around it being his first. We're both older (50) but I wore an ivory dress with a small sweep train. We were married in my home church (I was married at home before) and it was everything we wanted! The reception was fun, with friends and family, and lots of dancing. We really loved the way everything turned out.

justnmary · #3 06-21-2007, 10:19 PM

I was also a second time bride. My dh's 1st. We had the big wedding and all that goes with it. My first wedding was held in a living room, I wore an Ivory dress from sears and we had wine and cake. My second wedding we did the whole shabang and I don't regret it at all.....and I did wear white.

neebelung · #4 06-21-2007, 11:21 PM

This is my 2nd time (and FH's 1st) as well... Really, the only odd feedback I've gotten was from my FMIL about wearing a white dress. I'm not sure (as I posted up before about it) if it stemmed from my having been married before, us living together, or my being a non-virgin (FH thinks it's just that she's 'old school,' and doesn't realize the rules have relaxed about this sorta thing).

Other than that, however, no problems in that regard. My first marriage was a very low key elopement... as in, I got married in "The Little White Wedding Chapel" of Gatlinburg (TN), in blue jeans and a sweater, and we had our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut (

I'm so not kidding). The funny part was we eloped to take the stress of wedding planning off of me (though we were still intending to have the "big white wedding" later on anyway... for the families). We never ended up having that big white wedding, so now's my chance!!

NovemberGal · #5 06-22-2007, 02:30 AM

Congrats on your upcoming wedding Sharon!

It was the first time for both of us, so I have no personal experience, but the whole idea that just because it is a second wedding you shouldn't go as big/small/white/traditional/church/whatever as you want just annoys me. Why the heck not??

I know (or at least I think I know) that "back in the day" women especially weren't supposed to make a big deal about a second wedding because they were either (gasp! the horror!) divorced, or widowed and therefore not supposed to be overly zealous in their happiness or something. But since divorce really doesn't carry the stigma it used to, and heck, if you've found love not once but TWICE, after tragically losing it (in the case of someone widowed), why should the second wedding be downplayed?

Sorry...kind of a soapbox issue...don't know why...

VenusElaine · #6 06-22-2007, 03:17 AM

Next year will also be my second and his first. The only reason I will not wear white is because it looks terrible with my complexion. Even though I wore it for my first because it was "expected".

We are "middle" aged. Will plan and pay for it ourselves. And will therefor have it our way.

We will be married in the small country church he attended as a younger man. And his grandmother (who raised him) still attends. There is a delightful winery a short distance from the church, owned by people he has known all his life, where we will have the reception.

I am totally open to anything he would like, since I have had this day before, even though it wasn't with the right man.

Since we are paying and planning, I will entertain suggestions, but it will be OUR DAY.

VenusElaine

Cowboy's Girl · #7 06-25-2007, 04:48 PM

Hello ladies!! I, too, am an encore bride and this is DFH's first-time. We are doing everything as though it were the first for both of us. My first wedding was planned in about 6 weeks...everything was very low-key and rushed. Since hindsight is 20-20, I can really say that it was my lack of enthusiasm about the marriage that led to things not really being what we wanted. This time around, we have really taken our time planning and saving and everything is exactly how we wanted...isn't it funny how well things work out when it is "right"?
Anyway, the only problem we have encountered is the fact that we are both Catholic and I was married before. Luckily, I wasn't married in the church before, so the anullment was rather easy to obtain. Most of his family knows about my previous marriage and they are very accepting of us doing everything all the way. The only person that has a problem with it is FH boss...his opinion doesn't much matter to us!
That's all....good luck!!

JAllen32 · #8 07-16-2007, 08:48 PM

Hi guys! 2nd timer here! The first doesn't really count in my mind! lol I was barely 18 and 6 months pregnant. I only got married because my parents assumed that is what we would do. And we decided we wanted to do it before my daughter was born. SOO...in Feb 1996 I turned 18, in March 1996 got married, in June 1996 Graduated, and in July 1996 I had a baby! LOL!! It was a busy year! lol But I did absolutely no planning, except to go to walmart and pick out a package of blank invites and address them.

I didn't even have a dress until the night before the wedding, and my dad gave me a dress a neighbor had given him. SO AWFUL! lol

ANYWAY!!! To the good part! I'v been with my FH for 5 1/2 years, and my daughter is just about to turn 11! She is going to be a Jr. Bridesmaid, and we are doing everything as if this was a first time(he is also divorced). I'm wearing Ivory though, because I like it better. That is the only reason. This time around, I also have a REAL and much better man! I can't imagine my life without him! lol I just remember marrying that "other guy" and thinking, its not forever, just for now! I was so nieve! lol Now I'm almost 30! lol and ready to for FOREVER! I love him so much, and can't wait to be his wife!!

(Wow, sorry! This is kind of all over the place! HA)

SerendipityCrafts · #9 07-16-2007, 09:35 PM

Congrats to you!

It was the second time for us both. DH is definitely a better guy, an upgraded model, the best of the best

and I got married for the right reasons this time

We had a smaller wedding than either of our firsts, because we really wanted something more intimate; something more meaningful to the two of us and to be perfectly honest, we didn't want to be paying for the "trappings" of a big wedding. We also didn't want or expect gifts this time round. In fact, we asked that people donate to their favourite charity in lieu of gifts.

My dress was off white/ivory (but then again, so was my first). I wore a victorian style had with a veil at my first wedding. I wore just a tiara at the second.

Both my children and Hugh's were our attendants. This made it special for the two of us. I walked down the aisle with my kids to meet with Hugh who was standing at the front of the church with his kids.

My only regret is that I planned the wedding service to be held early in the evening and it felt as if the reception was over before we blinked plus, I only got to wear the pretty dress for 4 hours or so.

plasticizedbride · #10 08-07-2007, 08:13 PM

Looks like I'm in the same situation as several of you other ladies. (= I'm a 2nd timer & my FH is a first timer. I got married at 19 the first time & just as everyone suspected it ended in disaster. My FH is amazing and my perfect soul mate.

I'm wearing white. My FH's stepmom gave me a little crap about it, but I don't really care. We're keeping the guest list about 1/5 as big as my first wedding (The first time around I had about 500 guests.), but we're paying much more attention to all the special details than I did the first time around.

I think the only difference $wise is FH & I are buying the things we SHOULD buy on our own. (Gifts / deposits / my dress / his tux / etc.)

getNmarried · #11 03-06-2008, 09:52 PM

and I wanted to respond. FI and I are in our late forties - we were both married a long time the first time and single a while when we met. No one has expressed a negative opinion about our having a traditional wedding. I am wearing white (no train, a short veil) and our kids will stand up for us.

I am in the plannig stage - probably small church wedding because I want the pastor at my church to marry us. We are leaning toward a party at our new home - it's on a wooded golf course lot and we would have plenty of room.

Congrats on your engagement Sharon!

Marie

ohiobride · #12 03-07-2008, 04:45 PM

Hi Marie -- Wow, another Ohio lady! Our wedding was a year ago. I'm now 51 and DH is 54. Welcome to PASH -- you'll find a great group of very, very supportive and creative people here.

todaysdestinationwedding · #13 03-09-2008, 06:40 AM

Wow! Seems to be the majority of us 2nd time ladies prefer first time FH's. Now what could be the significance of that? Do we ladies who have been down this road before seek men who aren't already seasoned by a first, or, are our FH's seeking our experience, maturity and expertise?

PS...Don't tell hubby I said that!)
Now seriously, I was also a second-timer and it was hubby's first. My first wedding was a huge social affair, and I discovered after all that work and planning up to the minute I walked down the aisle was in vain...I didn't remember any of it...it was like a blur. I didn't want a repeat of my first wedding but hubby had never had that experience.
Our compromise was a georgous destination wedding in the Smokey Mountains of Tennessee. We we married in a small country chapel, with 2 attenants each and 46 of our closest family and friends. I wore a white gown with hat and attached veil. Everyone loved it...there was not one word about what we wanted or chose for our wedding.
There are no set rules for 2nd weddings, other than legal divorce papers from the first.

Enjoy your wedding, and make it want you and FH want it to be.

tennesseenana1973 · #14 05-06-2008, 09:34 AM

Four years ago, my father died. The last few years of his life were hard ones for the family. My mother is almost 76 and started dating a wonderful 83 year old man last summer. They are both in very good health and can run circles around me! They enjoy the same movies, going to the theater and are even taking ballroom dance lessons. A couple of weeks ago, he asked her to marry him.

My mother is a changed woman because of this man! She has a sparkle in her eyes that I don't think I've ever seen before. My sister and I love him dearly and can't wait for the wedding. My question is this....does anyone know any songs that would be appropriate for a second wedding? Any info you could give would be appreciated.