Looking @ Rings - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

RJE080703 · #1 06-21-2007, 03:18 PM

So yesterday we finally got a chance between busy work and school schedules to go look at rings!

Originally I had my mind set on one I saw online, but when I got there and tried it on I hated it. After searching for about 1/2 an hour I found the ring I wanted!! I love it, its not the traditional looking ring like I had originally picked out. Its a vintage emerald diamond engagment ring, with a small band to go with it. I absolutely love it

and to top things off its about $1,000 cheaper!!

The only kicker..... The FH HATES IT!! He thinks its absolutely hideous! He wants me to go with a more traditional look, plus he feels the vintage ring is too flashy. (Personally I think it looks classier!)

Does it really matter if the FH doesn't like my ring choice?

JnJ · #2 06-21-2007, 03:30 PM

It was the other way around for one of my cousins - she didn't really like the set her husband chose for her. So, she kept them, but picked out a separate one that she liked. I don't know if you'd consider doing that - getting the ring you love and letting him pick another one as well.

Julz518 · #3 06-21-2007, 03:31 PM

Are we talking about the engagement ring alone, or the wedding band?

Either way, technically, he IS the one buying your rings, so yes, I think it matters if he likes it or not. And if you're talking about wedding bands (and he plans to get one to match), since he will be wearing it, he should like it too.

That being said, it is FOR YOU, and it would be nice (and even expected) of him to take into consideration what YOU want. After all, you are the one who is going to be wearing it for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. He will only have to look at it that long

Has he bought you jewelry before? Does he generally have good taste?
You might want to consider getting a few other people's opinions - do you like the vintage look b/c it is more "you", or b/c you feel it is more "trendy"? Is it something you can see yourself wearing every day for the rest of your life? Would he expect you to buy something for him that you didn't like, or are you "the boss" when it comes to jewelry?

ladedah · #4 06-21-2007, 03:57 PM

Is it the vintage look he doesn't like? Or the fact that it's an emerald instead of all diamonds??? My ring is a vintage setting...that we had the jeweler make with all diamonds (I think the original was an emerald center stone, as well)...would he find that as "more traditional"??

neebelung · #5 06-21-2007, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julz518

...technically, he IS the one buying your rings, so yes, I think it matters if he likes it or not.

That being said, it is FOR YOU, and it would be nice (and even expected) of him to take into consideration what YOU want. After all, you are the one who is going to be wearing it for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. He will only have to look at it that long

I agree...... I would suggest that you just continue looking. There's nothing saying that later on you can't ask for/buy yourself a vintage/emerald piece (ya know, right hand rings are verrryyyyy popular), but since your wedding set represents the both of you, I think it'd be better if both of you love it.

Keep shopping... half an hour is NOTHING in terms of shopping time. Search online (Theknot.com and Brides.com have huge galleries of rings, searchable by style, price, etc...), sites like www.Bluenile.com, as well as those of the various jewelry chains are a good resource as well.

Also, www.adimondisforever.com has a way to build the ring of your dreams, THEN it will search a database of jewelers to find you things identical or at least similar to what you built.

Don't rush things... again, this is something you'll wear every day for the rest of your life... Before we found my ring, I printed out something similar (I, too, opted for not-quite-traditional, as I went with a sapphire center stone) to what I had in mind, and pinned it to the fridge for a bit to make sure I didn't get bored with the idea. I didn't, so then we set about having my dream ring 'built' (found a setting we both loved, and had a loose sapphire set in it, rather than a loose diamond). We're both THRILLED with it.

Good luck!!

RJE080703 · #6 06-21-2007, 04:31 PM

Okay, I think I mis-stated myself... Its not an emerald stone, but a diamond shaped what they called emerald cut.

As far as the look, I like it because its more "me". I like dainty jewelry. I mean dont get me wrong, I wear some cosmetic larger chunky jewelry every once & a while, but I prefer smaller, classier looking stuff. Yes he has bought me jewelry before, we have been together for 10 years before deciding to get married. And yes, most of it I have loved, but this we seem to have totally different tastes.

Its not necessarily that he doesnt like it cause he thinks its ugly, but I feel more so cause its not the traditional wedding ring look. As far as his ring, he doesnt want it to match my necessarily. His job doesnt allow him to wear it everyday, because of the conditions his hands are under, so he is just wanting a simple 4mm white gold band.

Here is the one he likes... personally its just not "me"

We are takling about the engagment ring, but I found the wedding band to go with it. The wedding band is simply a thin band the same width as the engagment ring, with small diamonds that match the look of the engagment band.

Here let me post a pic of the engagment ring. I dont have one of the wedding band, but I will look.

The actual center setting is not as large as this either.... its 1 ctw. and the band is 1/2 ctw.

and here is something similar to the wedding band... but when worn together it goes underneath the main center piece of the engagment ring so it looks like it has a two band width. Hard to explain, but looks lovely together

sparklesweetie · #7 06-21-2007, 04:53 PM

I guess I was lucky in that my DH said that, "You're the one that has to wear it, so I want you to pick it out." I think he likes it ok, but his overall theory was that I should get what I want. His band doesn't even come close to matching mine either, b/c IMO it also works for him that he has to wear it and it should be what he likes.

Keep shopping around, and if you find yourself coming back to this ring, then sit down with FH and tell him that this is what you'd really love. I also like the idea of taping a picture of it to the fridge and making sure you don't get bored with it.

RJE080703 · #8 06-21-2007, 05:19 PM

WOW, I love that idea! Never heard of it before, but sounds like a plan... Also maybe FH will grow to like it more, the more he sees it

neebelung · #9 06-21-2007, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RJE080703

Okay, I think I mis-stated myself... Its not an emerald stone, but a diamond shaped what they called emerald cut.

As far as the look, I like it because its more "me". I like dainty jewelry. I mean dont get me wrong, I wear some cosmetic larger chunky jewelry every once & a while, but I prefer smaller, classier looking stuff. Yes he has bought me jewelry before, we have been together for 10 years before deciding to get married. And yes, most of it I have loved, but this we seem to have totally different tastes.

Its not necessarily that he doesnt like it cause he thinks its ugly, but I feel more so cause its not the traditional wedding ring look. As far as his ring, he doesnt want it to match my necessarily. His job doesnt allow him to wear it everyday, because of the conditions his hands are under, so he is just wanting a simple 4mm white gold band.

We are takling about the engagment ring, but I found the wedding band to go with it. The wedding band is simply a thin band the same width as the engagment ring, with small diamonds that match the look of the engagment band.

Here let me post a pic of the engagment ring. I dont have one of the wedding band, but I will look.

The actual center setting is not as large as this either.... its 1 ctw. and the band is 1/2 ctw.

and here is something similar to the wedding band... but when worn together it goes underneath the main center piece of the engagment ring so it looks like it has a two band width. Hard to explain, but looks lovely together

*drool* Oh I LOOOOOOOOOVE that (the one you love). (actually that's the exact wedding band I'm getting -- two of them actually - one for either side of the e-ring!)

I can't in good conscience try to convince you to keep shopping, cus I simply love the one you've chosen!!

I can only hope HE'LL come around!

neebelung · #10 06-21-2007, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RJE080703

WOW, I love that idea! Never heard of it before, but sounds like a plan... Also maybe FH will grow to like it more, the more he sees it

Here's the funny thing as to how I came up with that idea.... We're both into tattoos (not extreme, but a few), and there's kind of an unwritten rule when someone NEW says they want something, but can't decide: print a pic/draw a pic, and pin it to the bathroom mirror. Leave it there for 6 months. If you still like it at the end of 6 months, then you're ready to get it (since once it's on your skin, it's there for life).

So when we started ring shopping, I took the same approach. We did the same thing when he was torn between two e-rings for him (he has an e-ring as well)... we printed big color pics of BOTH of them, and put them both on the fridge, and he put them on his bulletin board at work, too... within a week, he know which was the "right" one for him.

RJE080703 · #11 06-21-2007, 10:10 PM

That's such a cool idea! I'm printing it out before I leave the office. Thanks again!

wynelle · #12 06-22-2007, 02:40 AM

I think the one you like is lovely. I think the one he likes would be better with a larger center stone.

Is it possible that he is politely trying to avoid the subject of cost, since a one carat center stone (with total carat weight of two carats) is pretty much going to cost almost double that of a ring with a smaller center stone but the same total carat weight? Some guys (even those we live with) are a little reticent sometimes saying "We can't afford that," and instead say "That's a little flashy."

neebelung · #13 06-22-2007, 02:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wynelle

I think the one you like is lovely. I think the one he likes would be better with a larger center stone.

Is it possible that he is politely trying to avoid the subject of cost, since a one carat center stone (with total carat weight of two carats) is pretty much going to cost almost double that of a ring with a smaller center stone but the same total carat weight? Some guys (even those we live with) are a little reticent sometimes saying "We can't afford that," and instead say "That's a little flashy."

OHHHHH, that's an excellent point!!!

NovemberGal · #14 06-22-2007, 02:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wynelle

Is it possible that he is politely trying to avoid the subject of cost, since a one carat center stone (with total carat weight of two carats) is pretty much going to cost almost double that of a ring with a smaller center stone but the same total carat weight? Some guys (even those we live with) are a little reticent sometimes saying "We can't afford that," and instead say "That's a little flashy."

Except that Rhiannon said the one she likes is less expensive.

To be honest, the one your FH likes is not my style at all, I think it is too modern looking (as opposed to "traditional"--I don't actually think it is very traditional). The one you like definitely has a more vintage look. It probably isn't what he's been envisioning. I like the idea of posting the pic on your fridge. Maybe post BOTH pictures, so your FH won't feel defensive--and hopefully he'll come to like yours after a few days.

But if you can't agree on either of these, I agree with the other ladies that you should keep looking. I don't think the groom has to LOVE the ring, but I don't think he should HATE it. But you should definitely not have something that you dislike.

RJE080703 · #15 06-22-2007, 05:41 PM

Yes, the one I wanted was cheaper by $1000! For example if the one he wanted to get was $2900, but the one I wanted was $1900!

I do appreciate that point of view on the "Can't afford it" as opposed to "Thats a little flashy", but my FH has NO problem what so ever saying we cant afford it. Remember we have been together for 10 years, and we have a child together. TRUST ME he is not shy about telling me its just damn much money

For example, the wedding budget itself... I sat down and wrote everything out and showed him what the wedding would cost, and he said, no way, no hell, no how! So we sat down, cut somethings out, worked with the numbers a little, and then got it down by about half. And now he's okay with it... But he still doesnt hesitate to comment everytime I tell him I need $$ to pay deposits or make payments on things...

Julz518 · #16 06-22-2007, 06:28 PM

Could you have the opposite problem - that your FH wants something FLASHY to show off to the world what he "has"?? I have a friend who, when they went to get her e-ring, they had agreed to spend X amount, but when they got to the store, they were approved for credit at 2X, and her FH INSISTED on spending that much on the ring, just because they could.

Or maybe he just doesn't like it.

Personally, I love the set you chose and never would have gone with the other one. I have another friend who hated the ring her FH picked out so much that she asked him to take it back!

I agree with the fridge idea - maybe it will grow on him...

Indigo · #17 06-24-2007, 02:40 PM

I love the one you choose. The one he likes is pretty but a common look. Yours is very unique. Maybe say it's a victorian style rather than vintage. I know my DH associates vintage with old. I hope your's grows on him and you end up getting it.

ladedah · #18 06-24-2007, 03:20 PM

well, i have to say I like the one you've picked (but that could be because it's similar to my ring

) My center stone is princess cut though, and the little diamonds form a square around it...

good choice...

RJE080703 · #19 06-25-2007, 07:59 PM

We went looking again this weekend, and neither he nor I found anything else we like. But the good thing is, I think he coming around

Just takes men a lil while to catch up.

neebelung · #20 06-25-2007, 08:13 PM

YAY!!!! I hope he does come around!!

arunskh · #21 07-10-2007, 01:24 PM

If you research extensively, you will find lots of different materials in wedding bands that have their own appeal and sophistication catering different couples and their distinctive taste.