What would you do? (I'm at a crossroads)

[neebelung]

What would you do?

We’re really trying to put our stamp on this wedding, and really make it OURS…make it unique, something we’ll never ever forget (not that we’d forget our wedding day, but you know what I mean)…

So I’ve requested info from just about everyplace I can imagine, from country clubs, to B&B’s, to beach houses, traditional wedding pavilions, wineries, zoos/wild animal parks… you name it.

We’ve really been leaning toward either the zoo, or a local winery. Both would be quite pricey, but REALLY, REALLY nice and of course, unique. Definite “wow” factor. The money, of course, if of concern to us, but if we can swing it, we want to really go for it.

However, today I got the info back from a more traditional location. It’s a pavilion and ballroom on the dunes overlooking the beach. There’s an outdoor area/gazebo for the ceremony, then the reception would be indoors. We could still do our beach-themed wedding as planned. And I’ve been to a wedding there three years ago, and loved it. Seriously the most fun wedding I’ve ever been to.

And here’s the kicker… this place would literally cost us between 1/3 and ½ what the other places will cost us. The site rental is significantly less, the catering is easily a THIRD the cost of anyplace else we’ve looked at (and I’ve had the food there… it was great! Not super high end gourmet cuisine, but good stuff nonetheless)…

So now I’m at a crossroads… do we bite the bullet and go for the all-out dream wedding (assuming we can do it in terms of budget), or do we just go the more traditional route and have it at the more normal (and reasonably priced) location?

(We haven’t scheduled appointments for either location yet, as we’re trying to narrow it down to a top 5 before we do, but I’m just so torn as to where my focus should be!)

[alongroadahead08]

I'm going to be a pain and not vote for either. I can't decide because in one hand if you have the ability to have the wedding of your dreams then you should do it. BUT, i'm more the simple type and the wedding venue you are describing that over looks the beach sounds amazing. I think any would be amazing, if it were me personally i'd look into the more traditional setting first. But that's JUST ME! Sorry I wasn't more help!

[Kim&Bob2004]

Personally I would go for the lovely sounding more traditional site, but the local winery would be nice too.

[justnmary]

I say if you're willing to spend the money on a dream wedding and not regret it later, or be willing to take the loss on it (even if it's financially affordable) I say go for it. If you're worried about taking a loan out on your 401k then I think that's something you should think long and hard on...I don't think I'd be willing to sacrifice my financial future for one day.

So, my vote is if it's not going to cause any kind of financial hardship at all, ever.....I would do it. If it's something you really need to sit down and crunch some numbers then I would think twice and probably just go with the traditional wedding.

[imstilldreaming]

I voted for the why spend more, just because I'm definitely on more practical less sentimental side of things.

HOWEVERRRRRRR...like Mary said, if it shouldn't cause a financial hardship, maybe just a bit longer to save, than do what you really want to do. If you think it's going to cause a significant crunch keep in mind that 1) that is going to strain your relationship and 2) budgets generally tend to go over, so be prepared for that as well.

Good luck!

[Montanabride]

I liked the beach idea, that would be way nice by itself. You could just add special touches thru out the ceromony and reception. There are many options. Plus if you could save that much money and still have a gorgeous wedding. . i say do it. Then you can spend the rest of the money on an amazing honeymoon or a down payment on a car, house or whatever!

Good luck sounds like you have great options for your wedding.

[Leslee&Jake]

I am saying the more traditional place. JUST BECAUSE you can make that place unique and your own. You can look for unique ways to decorate and make it the unique place you want it to be!!!

PS I completely understand not wanting to have something that is a little different!

[wembley]

I voted for the more traditional site but because you'd be saving so much money... use some of it to beef up the traditional site to make it your own. It doesn't have to be boring just because it's more traditional.

[ladedah]

Originally Posted by neebelung

The money, of course, if of concern to us, but if we can swing it, we want to really go for it.

The fact that you wrote this sentence is a concern for me already....

I would go the lovely wedding route just because I'm extremely practical about money matters.....when we got married we could have spent alot more on our wedding/honeymoon that we did...it was feasibly within our bounds...but why??? We had a fabulous wedding that all or our guests enjoyed and it was an unforgettable day to begin with, so why would we feel need to take it one step further???

Kind of like when we bought our house......just because we can afford x amount for a house payment, doesn't necessarily mean that we need that much house to fit our needs....

But a wedding at the zoo would still be cool....

[Julz518]

I didn't vote, and here's why:

I don't know what YOUR dream wedding is. I seem to remember that the very first idea you mentioned was a beach wedding, which would be what you are calling the more "traditional" location... All these other locations sound really awesome, but are they REALLY your DREAM?

For me, I looked into all those kinds of places too - everything from a picnic shelter in the park to the Pittsburgh Zoo. The place I decided on IS a little pricey, but it is MY PERFECT SPOT. Once I saw it, I knew I had to be married there, and I'm not willing to compromise. BUT, it also offers a lot that other places didn't - like accomodations for the bridal party, camping for my guests, and LOTS of privacy... and I don't know if I would have chosen that location if not for those things.

So, I think you need to go look at all these places. Think about the logistics of the day - Are you doing the ceremony and reception in the same place - where will you hold each? Where will you and the groom get ready? What kind of transportation will be required? Where will your guests park, where are the bathrooms, etc. Some of the places you've mentioned may be beautiful, but they may not be practical without a lot of "extras" which can jack up the price and add additional headache. But if you keep finding yourself "dreaming" of getting married there, b/c it's perfect FOR YOU, then maybe the pricetag and headache are worth it.

[neebelung]

Originally Posted by ladedah

The fact that you wrote this sentence is a concern for me already....

I would go the lovely wedding route just because I'm extremely practical about money matters.....when we got married we could have spent alot more on our wedding/honeymoon that we did...it was feasibly within our bounds...but why??? We had a fabulous wedding that all or our guests enjoyed and it was an unforgettable day to begin with, so why would we feel need to take it one step further???

Kind of like when we bought our house......just because we can afford x amount for a house payment, doesn't necessarily mean that we need that much house to fit our needs....

But a wedding at the zoo would still be cool....

I guess I should clarify we're NOT going into debt or draining savings for this, no matter WHAT we do.

The bulk of our wedding budget will be coming from an inheritance that will be coming my way..... well... any day now (was supposed to be all settled end of April, but it's not yet... but anyway.... lol). It's a sizeable amount of money, enough that we should be able to pay off his truck, pay for our wedding/honeymoon, and have enough for a really nice down payment on a house. (possibly enough to factor in two new motorcycles and a new car for me, outright).

Then my parents will also be contributing to the wedding budget (though I don't expect a LOT).

We've already said that if everything we to fall through for whatever reason that we'd just do a civil ceremony and be done with it, as we do NOT want to be paying for this wedding for the next 20 years. FAR more important things to do with money than that.

I am typically very practical with money as well, so it's HARD for me to think about shelling out that much money, even if we can do so easily/without burden.

Originally Posted by Julz518

I didn't vote, and here's why:

I don't know what YOUR dream wedding is. I seem to remember that the very first idea you mentioned was a beach wedding, which would be what you are calling the more "traditional" location... All these other locations sound really awesome, but are they REALLY your DREAM?

For me, I looked into all those kinds of places too - everything from a picnic shelter in the park to the Pittsburgh Zoo. The place I decided on IS a little pricey, but it is MY PERFECT SPOT. Once I saw it, I knew I had to be married there, and I'm not willing to compromise. BUT, it also offers a lot that other places didn't - like accomodations for the bridal party, camping for my guests, and LOTS of privacy... and I don't know if I would have chosen that location if not for those things.

So, I think you need to go look at all these places. Think about the logistics of the day - Are you doing the ceremony and reception in the same place - where will you hold each? Where will you and the groom get ready? What kind of transportation will be required? Where will your guests park, where are the bathrooms, etc. Some of the places you've mentioned may be beautiful, but they may not be practical without a lot of "extras" which can jack up the price and add additional headache. But if you keep finding yourself "dreaming" of getting married there, b/c it's perfect FOR YOU, then maybe the pricetag and headache are worth it.

Our dream wedding is something that is US... but we're very... well... multi-faceted, I guess. We both grew up at the beach, and identify strongly with it. Water in general is a huge thing for both of us.

On the other hand, animals are a big passion for us, so zoos and that sort of thing are very close to our hearts (though if you read my journal, that option needs to be further investigated, as Birdie shed some light on some issues with our local zoo that might cross it off the list for us).

The winery is probably the least "us" of the things at the top of the list. Well, it's ME, but not him (just cus he doesn't like wine... lol). But he likes the idea, and is open to looking into it. The actual place where the wedding would be is the top floor, which overlooks water, then has an adjoining rooftop patio (which we could have partially tented). This is the most formal and elegant of the top 3, but has a very strong "cool" factor for me.

We're not so much worried about wowing people in the sense of "Oh wow, this is so elegant and expensive" (which is why country clubs aren't high on the list), but more of an "Oh wow, this is SOOOOO Chris and Nee!"

It really is going to boil down, I suppose, to visiting them all, and seeing which one(s) make our hearts go pitter patter.

[Sh@ks18]

I first voted for the "dream wedding" but now i'm changing my mind.

I would go for the traditional one just because if you spent all your money on the dream wedding, you may have to make some cuts, like getting smaller/cheaper centerpieces for example and other little cuts.

Whereas if you got the other one, that costs 1/2 the price, you can splurge a little more. Plus having the beach there adds to the decorum and would highly compliment your beach theme.

[neebelung]

Originally Posted by Shaks18

Whereas if you got the other one, that costs 1/2 the price, you can splurge a little more. Plus having the beach there adds to the decorum and would highly compliment your beach theme.

True, true... everyone's made some really good points here....

If we did go with the less expensive/more traditional location, we could really go all out with the decor, and I could probably even afford to get that Lazaro gown that makes me drool.

I've gotta sit down in the next couple days and plug in ALL this info I have from all the locations (I literally have now a 3" binder of JUST menus and pricing) into a spreadsheet, and estimate a total cost for each location, and go from there. If we fall in love with the beach location when we visit it, AND on paper it's a ton less money, it might be hard to NOT just go that route.

[Cirig]

Originally Posted by imstilldreaming

I voted for the why spend more, just because I'm definitely on more practical less sentimental side of things.

Me too!!!

[whiddle]

I voted for the beach wedding because it was what you planned to do. Why not put the difference as a down payment on your house as well? There's no sense in having a drastically more expensive wedding "just because you can." If you didn't have the inheritance- where would you get married?

[RJE080703]

I say smaller more practical location! In reality, you can take any simple less glitzy location and turn it into a dream wedding! With less spent on the location, that leaves you that much more for the nicer dress, nicer decor, nicer invitations, etc.

Thats exactly what we chose to do, and its turning out better than I could have expected. But dont hesitate to look for the bargains without compromising quality. I actually found a small family owned bakery to do our cakes, mine a 4 tier and his a 2 tier, feeding 200+ people for only $400!! But it is still the best darn cake I have tried yet... & I already went to 4 or 5 other people!!

But whatever you decide to do, just make sure YOU & FH love it!

[NovemberGal]

See, I could answer this for myself--beach, winery, no zoo, in that order. BUT, as others have stated, this is for YOU. I think you've just got to visit them and then see which feels most YOU to YOU.

It's one thing to be practical, and I'm all for that--and I think the beach locations sounds great--but if you do that and always regret that you didn't splurge and go for your dream location, then that's an emotional cost you should consider. As long as you're willing to foot the bill, and you're not going into debt or anything like that, sometimes dreams are worth splurging on!

[neebelung]

Originally Posted by whiddle

I voted for the beach wedding because it was what you planned to do. Why not put the difference as a down payment on your house as well? There's no sense in having a drastically more expensive wedding "just because you can." If you didn't have the inheritance- where would you get married?

True, true..... If it were all on us to pay for, we'd probably do very simple, on the beach......

[Julz518]

Originally Posted by NovemberGal

It's one thing to be practical, and I'm all for that--and I think the beach locations sounds great--but if you do that and always regret that you didn't splurge and go for your dream location, then that's an emotional cost you should consider. As long as you're willing to foot the bill, and you're not going into debt or anything like that, sometimes dreams are worth splurging on!

I actually had a friend who eloped, and when I was thinking about eloping she actualy told me not to for this very reason... she always wonders "what if"...

BUT, it goes both ways... you could spend a lot of money, and be left wondering if you could have had just as nice a wedding for less, and what you could have done with the difference.

I also think it's one thing if we're talking $1000 extra dollars versus $10,000... if you'd just be spending a bit more, or doubling the cost??? Is it worth it?

[justnmary]

I took the question as hypothetical and say if a person had $100,000 (just a number I'm picking here) to spend on a wedding and not have to fear bankruptcy or financial hardship at all.....I'd do it. Why not? If you already have all your ducks in a row and the money isn't needed for something else why not splurge? I myself will never see a frivolous $100,000 laying around. If I did have a $100,000 laying around and nothing to spend it on, I'd probably have a wedding at sea in the most fantastic yacht you've ever seen....with top notch champagne, caviar, the works....designer gown...Bon Jovi singing love ballads up on deck.....but that's me......

[ladedah]

Bon Jovi........

I also understood it to be that way (available funds, no financial hardship..etc..) And I still would have the $50k wedding AND a three week cruise in the Medeterranian and some left over for my retirement fund....

[justnmary]

Originally Posted by ladedah

Bon Jovi........

I also understood it to be that way (available funds, no financial hardship..etc..) And I still would have the $50k wedding AND a three week cruise in the Medeterranian and some left over for my retirement fund....

That poses a question......say our budget is $100,000 if we don't use it all do we get to keep the change? 'Cuz if that's the case....I'm heading to the JOP....

[ladedah]

Originally Posted by justnmary

That poses a question......say our budget is $100,000 if we don't use it all do we get to keep the change? 'Cuz if that's the case....I'm heading to the JOP....

I think that was the whole point.....spend it on the dream wedding or less on the wedding and more on something else...

[justnmary]

Sometimes I'm a bit slow....I never said I was the brightest star in the sky....I just twinkle now and then.....

[Julz518]

Originally Posted by ladedah

I think that was the whole point.....spend it on the dream wedding or less on the wedding and more on something else...

Why can't that be MY case??? My mom said "here's the money, spend it on a wedding, or you don't get any of it!" I would have much rather used it towards a down payment on my house, or a new car - and would have gladly forfeited the "big" wedding for the JOP.