Charitable donations in lieu of favors? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

neebelung · #1 06-15-2007, 12:21 PM

I saw something wonderful in a mag last night... instead of favors for each wedding guest, making a donation to a charitable organization, and then leaving a note or card indicating such at each place setting.

I LOVE this idea... personally while favors are really cute, I've never found them to be particularly necessary. And I love the idea of giving to a cause we both support (i.e. The Humane Society, or something along those lines).

Has anyone else opted for something like this? Did you receive any feedback from your guests? Do you think anyone actually 'missed' the little favors?

krossetti · #2 06-15-2007, 12:36 PM

I have had a lot of brides do this. I think its a wonderful idea. Occasionally you may have a couple of guests missing their little take home item, but I think if they see its going to a good cause their opinion changes a bit.

I have a couple of samples of the donation cards on my website if you wanted to see some ideas....(note card section)

neebelung · #3 06-15-2007, 12:38 PM

Thank you, I'll check them out!!

Cirig · #4 06-15-2007, 01:06 PM

I did it. I got a lot of people who told me how great it was that I did.

I seriously doubt if anyone cared about not having a favor. Seriously, and I hope this does not offend anyone, I always throw away wedding favors. How often can you actually use them? Unless it's a little bottle of wine- it's going to go in the garbage.

So I just didn't want my $ to go in the garbage. We donated to the Diabetes society, because my DH's grandfather died of diabetes. So it said something to the effect of "In honour of XXX .... and in leu of traditional favor"

I thought it was great

neebelung · #5 06-15-2007, 01:17 PM

I thought about something like that as well... My Gramma passed away last year after a two year in hospice, battling a huge lymphoma. So I've also contemplated doing a donation in her name/honor to something lymphoma related (however, the humane society was also something she was a staunch supporter of, so I could still honor her with a donation to them as well).

Hmmm.......

AshyBekka · #6 06-15-2007, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cirig

I did it. I got a lot of people who told me how great it was that I did.

I seriously doubt if anyone cared about not having a favor. Seriously, and I hope this does not offend anyone, I always throw away wedding favors. How often can you actually use them? Unless it's a little bottle of wine- it's going to go in the garbage.

So I just didn't want my $ to go in the garbage. We donated to the Diabetes society, because my DH's grandfather died of diabetes. So it said something to the effect of "In honour of XXX .... and in leu of traditional favor"

I thought it was great

We felt the same, so we donated to a veteran's charity (my husband and many of his friends had recently returned from Iraq prior to our wedding).

Cirig · #7 06-15-2007, 01:44 PM

I really think it's great

Actually, one of my favorite Christmas gifts every year is from my Aunt who always donates $ in all of our names. Then she gives us a the card explaining what it was. One year we donated sheep to people in some 3rd world country where some disease had killed off there animals

That was awesome!

neebelung · #8 06-15-2007, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cirig

One year we donated sheep to people in some 3rd world country where some disease had killed off there animals

That was awesome!

Oh my goodness, that's so sweet!! I've never heard of such a thing!! How cool!!!!

Julz518 · #9 06-15-2007, 02:22 PM

I really wanted to do this, and still might, but FH kind of poo-pooed the idea. He doesn't think anyone will notice, and he thinks it's a little rude to "publicize" our charitable giving...

What I think we might do is choose a few different charities to give to for the different groups of people who will be attending:
Alzheimer's Association: my sorority's charity
Jimmy V foundation: his fraternity's charity
Susan B Komen foundation: for my friends affected by breast cancer
The Human Society: in honor of my grandmother
etc...

This way, it will be apparent that we put thought into it, we didn't just "use" annual tax deductions were our wedding favors... Of course, it will also probably cost us a LOT more than traditional favors as well.

If we don't do this, we won't do traditional favors. I agree, they just get thrown away and I don't think anyone misses them.

wynelle · #10 06-15-2007, 02:34 PM

This has come up a lot on this forum; historically it has NOT been percieved as a good idea, for a number of reasons (some of which people have heard guests say.)

Its not a matter of not having favors. I agree that most people don't care about take-home favors, and except for edibles, they usually go in the trash, as do those expensive, tri-fold, carefully printed programs that detail every member of the wedding party, the personal significance of the songs, etc.

Problem with donating to charity- most people have a personal preference of which charity they choose- yours might be something they particularly don't like. Overheard a aguest saying "We have to pay for our own beer, but they donated to xxxxxcharity. Why didn't they just use the money to pay for their own reception." Heard a FOB saying something similar to his wife---"I didn't know we were donating $1000 to charity. I'd rather they used it towards the party." It can also be perceived as "snooty." Heard someone say- "So, they are getting a tax deduction for their wedding."

I'm not saying any of the above applies to you. Just that this has been a hot topic over the years at this forum.

Myself- I think that charity that has to be announced to everyone is not truly a mitzvah. True charity is given quietly, even anonymously.

neebelung · #11 06-15-2007, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wynelle

This has come up a lot on this forum; historically it has NOT been percieved as a good idea, for a number of reasons (some of which people have heard guests say.)

Its not a matter of not having favors. I agree that most people don't care about take-home favors, and except for edibles, they usually go in the trash, as do those expensive, tri-fold, carefully printed programs that detail every member of the wedding party, the personal significance of the songs, etc.

Problem with donating to charity- most people have a personal preference of which charity they choose- yours might be something they particularly don't like. Overheard a aguest saying "We have to pay for our own beer, but they donated to xxxxxcharity. Why didn't they just use the money to pay for their own reception." Heard a FOB saying something similar to his wife---"I didn't know we were donating $1000 to charity. I'd rather they used it towards the party." It can also be perceived as "snooty." Heard someone say- "So, they are getting a tax deduction for their wedding."

I'm not saying any of the above applies to you. Just that this has been a hot topic over the years at this forum.

Myself- I think that charity that has to be announced to everyone is not truly a mitzvah. True charity is given quietly, even anonymously.

All valid points, but 1.) I'd never have a cash bar (I realize that was merely an example, but I just can't stand the idea... I'd go booze-free before I'd ask for guests to pay for drinks at my own wedding).. and 2.) I wouldn't publish the amount. THAT would seem a bit tacky to me.

Luckily our wedding will be small and intimate enough (as far as how close we are to everyone in attendance) that I hopefully we won't have to worry about the snide remarks like that *phew.*

But I disagree that charity has to be given anonymously to truly be a mitzvah... As far as I'm concerned, the intent behind WHY one gives is what makes it a mitzvah, that it comes from the heart, and not for a tax deduction or 'status.'

Cirig · #12 06-15-2007, 03:01 PM

I agree with neebelung. All great points though Wynelle. I can understand why some people wouldn't like the idea, but I just don't feel that way at all.

You can't please everyone either. I'm sure some people didn't like the charity thing at my wedding, but you know what- I don't care. It made me feel warm and fuzzy, so I guess that's all that matters

neebelung · #13 06-15-2007, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cirig

You can't please everyone either. I'm sure some people didn't like the charity thing at my wedding, but you know what- I don't care. It made me feel warm and fuzzy, so I guess that's all that matters

I do wonder.... what if we give to a few different charities (I guess in hopes that there's SOMETHING everyone supports/agrees with)? I.E. "In lieu of favors, donations have been given to the following organizations.... " and then list 3 or 4 different (and varied in terms of what they do) charities.

Cirig · #14 06-15-2007, 03:23 PM

I'm of the opinion that you should do whatever makes you happy. If it would make you happy to donate to several charities, go for it. If it makes you happy to do one, go for it.

I think that no matter what you do, you're still going to have someone who doesn't like it. Besides, I just don't see how you could go wrong with donating to a good cause. Someone is not going to like the chairty you donate to? WTF is that about? Who cares??

ladedah · #15 06-15-2007, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by neebelung

But I disagree that charity has to be given anonymously to truly be a mitzvah... As far as I'm concerned, the intent behind WHY one gives is what makes it a mitzvah, that it comes from the heart, and not for a tax deduction or 'status.'

I understand what you're saying here, but I am one of those people who don't really understand charitable favors at weddings....granted I do applaud any kind of charitable donation....but I often wonder why people don't just give...kwim?? Why does it have to be that instead of spending money on favors, I'm going to give this money...that's what bothers me...sort of a pretentious "look at how we're good people".....and that to me isn't giving from the heart....if it were truly giving from the heart, one would have already made the donation instead of using a wedding to do so......

Unlike the guest that Wynelle overheard, who wondered why they were giving to charity and not buying drinks....I would wonder why they would be spending so much on drinks, when instead they could be giving that to charity....I guess you can't always have your cake and eat it too...

neebelung · #16 06-15-2007, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladedah

....but I often wonder why people don't just give...kwim?? Why does it have to be that instead of spending money on favors, I'm going to give this money...that's what bothers me...sort of a pretentious "look at how we're good people".....and that to me isn't giving from the heart....if it were truly giving from the heart, one would have already made the donation instead of using a wedding to do so......

Oh I see what you're saying (and we DO already give). I guess I'm coming at it from the same standpoint as Cirig... I just think favors overall are useless, and while they're cute, I can't think of a single one I've ever kept. So it seems like wasted $$$ to me.

At the same time, I feel like if we just don't DO favors at all, then it looks like we forgot...so if there's at least mention of it, people know we didn't forget, and realize the money that could've gone toward "chachki" (sp?) actually went to something worthwhile. *shrug*

neebelung · #17 06-15-2007, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cirig

I'm of the opinion that you should do whatever makes you happy. If it would make you happy to donate to several charities, go for it. If it makes you happy to do one, go for it.

I think that no matter what you do, you're still going to have someone who doesn't like it. Besides, I just don't see how you could go wrong with donating to a good cause. Someone is not going to like the chairty you donate to? WTF is that about? Who cares??

We probably will do just that... do what feels right for us, and if someone has an issue with it, screw 'em. LOL

(I think for this event we'd just avoid giving to anything that might be deemed "controversial" like Planned Parenthood or the NRA.... lol)

I had no idea this was (already) such a controversial issue... interesting though, to see what everyone's feelings are on the topic.

Cirig · #18 06-15-2007, 04:44 PM

Hmm.. I didn't know this was an issue either.

In the end, I still don't care

Everyone is different.

It was still a favor. It wasn't as if they didn't get a favor. Their favor was the $5/ person that I donated to the charity. Maybe not something you can eat, but it was still there- just not traditional. I didn't do it in a "look at me" sort of way. It never even crossed my mind that people would think that. I just thought it would be something that everyone would be able to appreciate & wouldn't be wasted.

LOL @ Planned Parenthood!!!

I think you should. That would make for interesting conversation!!!

neebelung · #19 06-15-2007, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cirig

LOL @ Planned Parenthood!!!

I think you should. That would make for interesting conversation!!!

See, if I really wanted to honor my Gramma, I'd give to:

Planned Parenthood
The Sierra Club
ASPCA
The Hemlock Society

Those were the four charities/causes she always gave to... MY, wouldn't that make for some raised eyebrows? LOL!!!!

Heather · #20 06-15-2007, 05:03 PM

Yeah - I remember the controversy around this too. I'll see if I can dig up the posts for more responses/opinions. But in the end, it's your decision.

Past posts:
http://www.pashweddings.com/weddingf...ight=donations

http://www.pashweddings.com/weddingf...ight=donations

Some ideas I like from the above posts:

1. Instead of donating for someone else & assuming they support that charity, donate your cash wedding gifts to the charities of your choice.
2. Have a children's hospital or something of the sort make favors like xmas ornaments if it's a winter wedding, and then donate money to the hospital.

AshyBekka · #21 06-15-2007, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

Yeah - I remember the controversy around this too. I'll see if I can dig up the posts for more responses/opinions. But in the end, it's your decision.

Past posts:
http://www.pashweddings.com/weddingf...ight=donations

http://www.pashweddings.com/weddingf...ight=donations

Some ideas I like from the above posts:

1. Instead of donating for someone else & assuming they support that charity, donate your cash wedding gifts to the charities of your choice.
2. Have a children's hospital or something of the sort make favors like xmas ornaments if it's a winter wedding, and then donate money to the hospital.

Well, in all honesty, based on good part on the discussion on this board, we didn't publicize that we had given to charity, we just did it and didn't have favors. I've been to few weddings that actually had favors anyway, so I don't think any of our guest would have necessarily expected them. I really wasn't comfortable spending at between 200-however many hundred dollars so that 200 guests could have something to throw in the trash, or eat immediately and completely forget about. I know my parents and grandparents friends love the programs, so ours was very nice, and I know lots of people who kept them as keepsakes of our wedding. Beyond that, the concept of favors sort of eludes me; hence the privately made donation.

neebelung · #22 06-15-2007, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AshyBekka

Well, in all honesty, based on good part on the discussion on this board, we didn't publicize that we had given to charity, we just did it and didn't have favors. Beyond that, the concept of favors sort of eludes me; hence the privately made donation.

And that may well be the route to go for us... I was concerned about people thinking we'd just forgotten favors...

Hmmm .... who knows... lots to ponder.

NovemberGal · #23 06-15-2007, 09:05 PM

My brother's wedding in March didn't have favors, and I didn't even notice that fact until this thread. No one (okay, someone will think you forgot or were cheap...but again, can't please everyone) will even notice if you don't have them.

sparklesweetie · #24 06-15-2007, 09:49 PM

Favors are not that memorable of an item for a wedding. Most people take away with them memories and pictures they've taken for the day and that's enough. Nobody even remembers me having kisses (and trust me, not a whole lot of effort went into those) so I'm sure anything else (like pens I orginally wanted to do) wouldn't have been noticed much either.

bm4ever · #25 06-16-2007, 01:47 AM

We are doing "Go Red for Women" American Heart Association pins pinned on an orange ribbon.

Significance: my FH mom passed away from a heart attack (the pins weren't much money) and the orange ribbon is in memory of my grandmother who had Multiple Sclerosis.

We are having them in lieu of boutenniers (sp?) and then giving them to each of the guests at the reception.

It's the sentimental value and the remembrance of two of the most loving people in our lives that matters most to us.