FMIL wedding planning issues..... - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

neebelung · #1 06-11-2007, 12:48 PM

*sigh*

Let me preface this by saying, FH's parents are great. They're wonderful, sweet people, and I get along really well with them. They live about an hours south of us, and we talk to them frequently, go over there for dinner every other month, etc... I couldn't be happier about having them as future in-laws.

BUT......

Last night they took us to dinner (along with FH's 21-year-old sister, who still lives with them) to celebrate our engagement. FH had been telling me how excited his family is about the engagement/wedding, how his mom keeps calling him telling him about magazines or books she saw that she wondered if I had/would like, shows on weddings she's seen on T.V., etc... (she even asked if I would have his little sister as a bridesmaid, until he told her we're not having any attendants). And of course his sister is all a-twitter about the wedding as well.

So last night was the first conversation we've all had about the wedding face-to-face... his sister has been reading my blog, leaving cute comments, etc... which is fine.

But between the two of them (his mom and his sister), I got bombarded with both ideas that are completely at odds with my own taste, as well as not-so-subtle feedback on things I DO like...

She kept pressing the idea of getting married at Disneyworld (admitting it'll probably be really expensive), which I like the idea of, but it IS too expensive, and we want something lower key than that. So then it was the Disney princess wedding gowns... again, admitting they're really expensive, but they kept tag-teaming, "Oh I really liked this one... " "Oh, I loved the Belle...", etc... I told them (twice, actually) I'd already looked at the entire line, and while they're very pretty, they're just not me. Not quite what I'm looking for.

So then his mom asks, "Well what kind of dress DO you want?" I explained how I'd initially been looking at very light, unstructured beachy gowns, but that after trying on a few, I'm going a bit more traditional... and even though I don't have THE dress picked out yet, I know I want strapless, white, and a-line. So then I keep getting comments about "Are you sure you want strapless? You know I saw this dress that had...." and then she'd go into describing some dress she saw in a magazine, or on T.V. or something. I said again yes, I'm sure I want strapless, so then it was, "So white? You're not going to go with a candlelight, or an ivory? You're sure you want white?" Yes, I'm sure I want white.... (must have repeated this exachange 4 times).

Next it was locations... She was really pressing the issue about one location here in town, which is on my "to see" list, but it was as if she wanted me to committ to it right then and there!! I kept saying "I've seen pictures of the pavilion, and I'm not sure if I like the looks of the building, so I want to check it out in person...." but she kept pressing the issue!

Then when it came to food, she just made the most RANDOM suggestions. She asked if we were planning to have a full dinner, and I said yes, probably buffet style. She didn't like that... "Well you know, you really don't HAVE to have a full dinner. You could do heavy orderves. Like chicken wings and cheese platters...." CHICKEN WINGS AND CHEESE PLATTERS??? When I said casual and beachy I didn't mean like downhome picnic style!!!

It was just exhausting... I know she means well, and I appreciate the input, but I was really starting to get upset at how she tried to shoot down all the things that I like, or are important to me! (and let me add, his parents aren't contributing to the wedding budget AT ALL).

/end rant

pashmoloo · #2 06-11-2007, 01:14 PM

OH hunni, im sure they were just excited about the wedding, but im so glad you stuck to your own plans and ideas. Its great having people being interested and wanting to help, but its another thing to let them take over.

Big hugs to you hunni

birdie · #3 06-11-2007, 02:04 PM

I would think they'll calm down after a while. My family (and I) were the same way. Right after I got engaged it was all I could think of, everyone had opinions, wanted to know what we were going to do for this and that. After a while, when I started to talk about it less, everyone else did too. Of course now, with the wedding 6 weeks away, the chatter is starting back up again.

I would keep them in the loop but stick to your guns! Maybe AFTER you book things let them know what you and fH have decided.

Good Luck!

alongroadahead08 · #4 06-11-2007, 02:06 PM

I feel your pain. I really do, I have a FMIL that has an idea for every aspect of the wedding, and about 90% of them don't fit into what FH and I want. I hope that she takes a deep breath and lets you do what you want to do, not try and force what she wants you to do.

Montanabride · #5 06-11-2007, 03:05 PM

Oh sweetie, sorry bout all that. I agree with some of the other girls. THey are probably way excited. Great job on sticking to your guns. .. dont give up its your wedding and they will soon realize that although their comments are welcome they are determining anything! Haha!! Good luck

ladedah · #6 06-11-2007, 03:54 PM

what a bummer!!! I must say you're doing a great job of detouring her ideas...but I have to think that if ignore all of their suggesstions she will start to be offended (is that possible?). I really think that you need to have DH tell her that while the two of you know they are excited, they should really only make suggesstions when asked for input....

good luck...

Sh@ks18 · #7 06-11-2007, 05:36 PM

I think you need to give her some little side projects so she can leave you alone and focus on that, like shopping for her own and FSIL's dress etc.

I think next time they make a random suggestion, just say "oh no, i dont want to use up FSIL's ideas, she'll need/should use those ideas for HER own wedding"

neebelung · #8 06-11-2007, 05:54 PM

Thanks ladies.... I'm probably overreacting, but I'm just hoping this isn't a sign of things to come for the next 15 months.

I had a talk with FH about it on the way home, and he's on my side. He and I have the same vision for what we want, and he agress that his mother's/sister's ideas do NOT fit well with what we have in mind. I just have to tread that fine line of not offending them. It was just hard with the repeated "Are you sure you want to wear white?" comments...

However, the response of "FSIL will need those ideas for HER wedding" is great! That might just work!!

Heather · #9 06-11-2007, 06:31 PM

Definitely deflect to the FSIL, lol.

I agree that they're probably just really excited for both of you and want to be involved. I'm sure they'll calm down in a while but you're doing a great job of handling it...

alongroadahead08 · #10 06-11-2007, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by neebelung

Thanks ladies.... I'm probably overreacting, but I'm just hoping this isn't a sign of things to come for the next 15 months.

I had a talk with FH about it on the way home, and he's on my side. He and I have the same vision for what we want, and he agress that his mother's/sister's ideas do NOT fit well with what we have in mind. I just have to tread that fine line of not offending them. It was just hard with the repeated "Are you sure you want to wear white?" comments...

However, the response of "FSIL will need those ideas for HER wedding" is great! That might just work!!

You are doing a great job of handling it. It makes it SO much better that your FH is on your side. I have a FMIL that is doing kind of the same thing right now, doesn't like the color tux FH picked, doesn't like all of my centerpiece ideas, and gives her own that are NOTHING like what FH and I want. ANd FH is also on my side and sticks up for me when he thinks he needs to. It's nice to have that, because if FH can't stick up to his mom, that can create a whole world of trouble.

I'm sure they are just excited, and if you keep doing what you're doing, I don't see you offending them in any way.

michaelsbride · #11 06-11-2007, 10:50 PM

While i think you're doing a great job of handling it, I found that at times while planning my wedding that a compromise was in order. If it comes down to a family tradition they have or your family has, it might really set the tone for your relationship if you blow it off ya know? Just my

feb-bride · #12 06-12-2007, 04:55 PM

This is just my opinion, but unless you're a very young bride, you have no business wearing a Disney Princess wedding gown. Also - a Disney Princess wedding gown with chicken wings and cheese platters? That doesn't exactly go together.

Good job of sticking to your guns, and you're really lucky that you have FH on your side.

neebelung · #13 06-12-2007, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feb-bride

This is just my opinion, but unless you're a very young bride, you have no business wearing a Disney Princess wedding gown. Also - a Disney Princess wedding gown with chicken wings and cheese platters? That doesn't exactly go together.

LOL... actually there are plenty of gowns in the Disney line that are far from youthful... there are some very pretty gowns. Just none that made my "top 50" or so list...

Yeah, I'm not sure where the chicken wings and cheese platter thing came from. I guess when my objection to Disney was primarily cost (i.e. "Oh yeah, that would be lovely, but I'm sure it costs an arm and a leg....") she went to the opposite extreme. LOL!!!

litlbit · #14 06-13-2007, 10:06 PM

Wow you're being amazing with all this. Just find a way to keep your head and stand your ground when they make their "recommendations."

If all else fails, picture how she'll be when her own daughter gets married and laugh to yourself...

whiddle · #15 06-13-2007, 10:39 PM

Way to stick to your guns!

Where do you find Disney gowns?

neebelung · #16 06-14-2007, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whiddle

Way to stick to your guns!

Where do you find Disney gowns?

Rats, i can't find the link now.... I'll see if I can find it for ya.

Marksbride · #17 06-14-2007, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by neebelung

Rats, i can't find the link now.... I'll see if I can find it for ya.

Somebody posted a link and a bunch of pictures awhile ago, I think it was EM?

Marksbride · #18 06-14-2007, 01:12 PM

Here's the link for the disney gowns:

http://www.pashweddings.com/weddingf...t=disney+gowns