Having trouble with the bride

[AshyBekka]

Ladies-I'm absolutely at a loss at what to do now..

One of my best friends is getting married in two weeks and I'm a bridesmaid. Due to financial difficulties, her MOH couldn't plan parties and such for her so I've done that. I've gone literally all over the mid-south to teas and engagement parties and all sorts of things-gladly-to celebrate her upcoming wedding.

Last night, about six of us had a girls night, and for the majority of it she started taking cheap shots at another one of my best friends who got married back in January. Granted their relationship is kind of contentious, but she continued to make cracks about how much my other friend spent on her husband's ring, about where they're living, how much she spent on the wedding, and just general snarky comments about her life. My other friend was very calm and let everything roll off, but then in the bathroom, the bride started going off about how unreasonable my friend was being and generally flipped out. I pointed out to her that I thought her attitude was inappropriate and that frankly, maybe Jen's feelings were more hurt considering that MC is making these comments despite the fact that MC's family bought she and her fiance a 300K home, bought her engagment ring and have generally set them up better than any of us could expect. I'm happy for her that she's gotten hooked up but I explained that those facts made it even more inconsiderate to take cheap shots at Jen, who had to pay for everything and is renting a small house with her husband for the near future because they can't afford those things. Well she went ape sh%$.

I spent the rest of the night being berated off and on by her until Cliff came and took me home, where i spent the rest of the night sobbing and having an anxiety attack until he gave me a sleeping pill to knock me out.

I feel like she has completely disrespected me, our friendship, and everything I've tried to do for her to make her wedding special. I have my doubts as to whether I can expect an apology, and to be honest, at this point, I don't know if in good conscience I feel comfortable standing up at her wedding-the problem of course being that it's in two weeks. I just don't know what to do and I'm still getting teary just thinking of the horrible things she was spewing at me last night. What do I do???

[feb-bride]

If I was in your position, I would have an honest talk with the bride, ASAP. I would tell her that based on everything that just happened, you're not sure if it's still appropriate for you to be in the wedding. Be prepared to lose the friendship, but from what you've posted, I wouldn't want to even continue this friendship. The bride is just too high-maintenance for me.

[justnmary]

Obviously this 'friend/bride' is a little on the heartless side and I personally would take great offense if she was talking sh*t about another friend. Just because the woman is getting married doesn't give her the right to do that. I, myself would probably start having second thoughts about continuing this friendship after the wedding, but being she turned on you when you called her out on her treatment of the other friend I would have to back out. She will more then likely scream that your ruining her wedding, but in all reality, if she was any type of friend she wouldn't have been shooting off her mouth to begin with. She can't expect you to pretend she didn't offend just about everyone there and if she truly feels that way about things, she brought it on herself. Sorry, but that's my opinion. Good luck! I hope you find a way to deal with this.

[alongroadahead08]

I agree with both Feb and Mary on this one. I'd have a hard time digesting what the bride said. She was just handed a 300K house, and whatever else you listed to boot, but this doesn't give her the right to knock on ANYONE that worked for what they have. I worked for everything I own and i'm damn proud of it. People like that will get a rude awakening one day.

Ok off the soapbox, I apologize. I know how hard it is to have a friend fly off the handle at you. It's not fun to deal with. I would (as Feb and Mary have said) have to step down. Why would I want to support something for a friend that isn't acting like much of one now to you? I know you've bought the dress, I know it's 2 weeks away, but she needs to realize that getting married doesn't give you a license to spout off at the mouth. I'm very sorry you are going thru this and hope you figure out something that works to YOUR benefit.

I apologize again for the soap box before. I tend to get irritated about stuff like that.

[birdie]

Since you are one of her best friends you would know if this is a regular kind of behavior for her. Does this kind of thing happen a lot? Is she inconsiderate and rude to other people on a regular basis? If so I, personally, couldn't continue to be her friend or especially be in her wedding.

However, if this was a rare occurrence and your other friend didn't really seem to take offense, I would let it go as much as you can.

If you can't let it go - definitely talk to the bride. Tell her, if she doesn't know already, that she deeply offended you last night and that if her behavior is going to continue you can't be in her wedding.

I"m really sorry this happened. It's so hard to have one of your best friends do something so offensive and inconsiderate. Good luck and let us know what happens.

[AshyBekka]

**UPDATE**
I just got don with a BIG come to Jesus talk with the bride about her behavior last night and how much it hurt my feelings. I told her that I stood by my belief that what she did was entirely inappropriate and that regardless of whether she and my other friend get along, or take cheap shots at each other, or not that I don't deserve to be dragged in the middle of it, and I certainly don't deserve to be berated and humiliated in public.

I should probably make it clear that while MC is a typical only child, clearly well off and has a sort of sense of entitlement about certain things, she really truly is generally a good, fun, loyal friend. I think maybe she's had a bit too much indulgence as "THE BRIDE" and let it go to her head. When I told her about the sobbing and anxiety attack her words caused, she really stopped up short (and actually burst into tears) realizing what she had done last night. She's apologized to me and is going to apologize to the other friend, although we both agree that perhaps the two of them will be well served by going their separate ways after graduation.

Thank you ladies for all of your advice. I want you to know that I started to conversation by saying "I'm only going to say this once, but if you would like me to step down as a bridesmaid, I will completely understand. I don't want to cause added stress." Just saying that made her realize how serious I thought last night's little performance was, so hopefully we can get her through the next two weeks, hitched and back to normal. Hopefully.

[Julz518]

I guess I'm with Jill - does she do this often? Or do you think it's maybe just the stress talking? Is she genuinely UN-GRATEFUL for everything she's been given and everything you've done for her? If so, then I don't know why you're her friend.

But if she's not usually like this, then you definitely need to have a talk with her. Maybe she's having doubts - maybe she realized she's only getting married so she can get the big house and other fancy stuff... and maybe she realizes that what your other friend has - true love - is what she REALLY wants, and she was bugging her out of jealousy... I don't know, it's a long shot, I'm sure... but you definitely need to confront her and tell her how bad she hurt you.

I think if she apologizes and behaves herself for the next few weeks, you should stay in the wedding... but maybe consider dropping her as a friend after that if you don't think she was being genuine or the behavior continues.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I hope your talk with the bride makes things a little better!

[justnmary]

Sounds like your talk with her hit home and knocked her down a peg or two! Good for you! As you know, we only get one side of the convo so if it comes across as us 'attaching' the other person, it's only because the info we get may or may not include background info. So I hope I didn't come across as too bitchy, but I'm glad you feel she's a great friend at any other time and hopefully this will teach her a bit of a lesson. Glad it's all working out.

[Kim&Bob2004]

I am glad it appears things are worked out. I would tread carefully though. I don't understand, but in the few months leading up to our wedding, I never once had these type of attacks that some brides seem to be having. It's suppose to be one of the most wonderful events of your life, how could you be childish and a tyrant? Sticking to your guns about what you want your BM's to wear when one wants to look like a gypsy or something is one thing (I did tell one BM to quit because she refused to wear the outfits I was providing and wanted to look like some grunge singer or something from the 60's), but getting rude is another. I just don't understand it. Are many woman spoiled now and they feel they are "owed" this day??????

I love my SIL, but honestly she felt like she should be treated like a queen too when they got married, and my concern was were the guests going to feel like we were honestly grateful and blessed by there attendance at our wedding. I just don't understand it all I guess......

[Leslee&Jake]

I am glad you had a talk and it is all working out now.