What to do, What to do.... - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

sparklesweetie · #1 12-27-2005, 08:55 PM

Ok, here's my dillema of sorts. My grandma has this necklace that her mother, her two daughters, and my mother all wore when they got married. That's all cool and everything. She gave it to me on Christmas day so I can borrow it for my wedding. And here ensues the dillema....this necklace is beyond ugly. It's just like....woah. Let me see if I can describe it...it is fashioned somewhat like a pearl necklace (single strand), although the bead sizes are larger in the middle and are smaller at the end. It's not white. It's yellow.
This would so not even look right next to my very white dress. (For the record, I've never liked the necklace. Just not my style.) And when I was looking at it I noticed that the way it fastens is not secure at all, as a matter of fact it looks cracked. (It has like a snap together clasp)
I thought about weaving it into my boquet, but again, not sure how the whole color thing will work. I don't want to break my grandma's heart (although she probably wouldn't remember in two weeks, she's getting senile) but I don't want to wear it around my neck.
As a matter of fact, FH got me a really nice necklace and earring set for Christmas that I'll probably wear. Any thoughts or ideas ladies?

feb-bride · #2 12-27-2005, 08:59 PM

I would not wear it around my neck, regardless of who before me wore it.

How to handle it? I would probably try to incorporate it as my "something old" in the "something old/something new/something borrowed/something blue" thing.

If you have a floor-length dress, you could perhaps wear it as an ankle bracelet if it won't really show. Or, you could weave it into your bouquet in such a way as to have it barely show. You could even loop it through your garter.

If anyone asks why you're not wearing it around your neck, just tell them that your FH bought you a necklace/earring set that he really wants you to wear. If they don't understand, that's their problem - not yours!

ladedah · #3 12-27-2005, 09:03 PM

Could you talk to your grandma or mom, even? Would they be understanding? Otherwise I would just do as Feb suggested and try to incorporate it someother way. I'm very sentimental and all about tradition and what not, but that may be a little ridiculous.

Marge129 · #4 12-27-2005, 09:20 PM

I'd do what Feb suggested.

ljeagle · #5 12-27-2005, 09:48 PM

I think u should use it but in a different was then around your neck. Just talk to your mother and ask her what she thinks...

Complicated Woman · #6 12-27-2005, 10:00 PM

Weave it into the bouquet or sew it into the hem of your dress or something to keep it hidden -- and like Feb said, tell them you had your heart set on wearing some other necklace but that you wouldn't dream of walking down the aisle without having this heirloom, so you're going to incorporate it differently.

gymrat · #7 12-27-2005, 11:23 PM

My family has a necklace too that all the ladies have used. I did not have the exact situation as you since this necklace is alright to wear.

My DH had given me a white gold necklace with heart charm that has diamonds in it and it went with my wedding colors (silver was an accent) so I knew I would wear that around my neck. So I was left with where to put this other necklace. I decided to wear it as a braclet for the ceremony. I took it off after that bc the chain is very thin.

deputysgurl · #8 12-27-2005, 11:42 PM

I would do as the other girls have suggested. I would definetly not wear it around my neck.

cru5h · #9 12-28-2005, 01:15 AM

I'd just not wear it, and not explain it. I'd put it somewhere out of sight and "forget" to wear it that day.

sparklesweetie · #10 12-28-2005, 01:54 AM

Thanks ladies. I tried it on my ankle, it's not big enough to wrap around twice. So I think I'll try and either sew or pin it on my slip or somewhere. FH said that my mom had a "hurt" look on her face when I was talking about wearing the necklace he bought me, but I didn't catch it so I don't know. My mom can be kind of....weird about things. I've already aggravated her a bunch of times with decisions that I've made about MY wedding. She says she wants me to have the wedding she never did....I dunno what she's talking about, she had like seven attendants and a huge guest list. Shrug, I dunno, but I'll stop my rambling now.

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #11 12-28-2005, 02:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sparklesweetie

She says she wants me to have the wedding she never did....I dunno what she's talking about, she had like seven attendants and a huge guest list. Shrug, I dunno, but I'll stop my rambling now.

She probably had the wedding HER mother wanted--now she's trying to plan what she wished she had for you!

I think it's nice to incorporate it as you're wanting to. Wearing the necklace from your FH is special for you.

sparklesweetie · #12 12-28-2005, 02:31 AM

I don't think it was so much that it was what her mom wanted, but what her and my dad could actually afford. I think she said they did it for $500...which is awesome. She made all the BM dresses, and another friend of hers did the flowers, her mom made the cake, and they had the reception at my dad's mom's house. Which I think it's awesome that they were able to do all that, ya know? I know it's going to sound bad, but my mom has jealousy issues with many things, and I think this just happens to be one of them. But, she'll get over it. I think.

555Ann555 · #13 12-28-2005, 04:42 AM

I'm with you there, my mum keeps trying to plan mine too! Apparently I *have* to have a limo because she doesn't want her daughter to ba taken to church in anything else. To be perfectly honest I couldn't have cared less about what kind of car I went in but if I give in on that one I can stand my ground on something important

I'd say if there is any way to incorporate the necklace without having to actually wear it round your neck then I'd do that to keep the peace, perhaps you coupld have it stitched to a piece of satin & tied round the handle of your flowers... I'm sure there are lots of inconspicuous ways you could use it. But if the worst comes to the worst just forget it accidently on pupose like Cru5h said!

labeadel · #14 01-05-2006, 08:33 PM

I broke my Grandma's heart with something very similar. She has this really old pearl necklace and earring set that she had changed over to pierced for me when I was about 10. At that age, I agreed to wear it on my wedding day. Well, the necklace didn't really go with my dress, so when I told he that I wasn't going to wear it, she was so sad! She wanted to give it to me to have, but then I told her that I just don't wear pearls and that hurt her feelings too. I just didn't want her to send it to me and it just collects dust at my house. She obviously got over it. I even agreed when I was a little girl that I would wear her wedding dress when I got married! Man, I just couldn't shut up, could I?

wembley · #15 01-05-2006, 09:45 PM

My FMIL has a pearl necklace that she offered for me to wear. I believe it's either my FFIL's mom's necklace or his grandmother's necklace. It was a really sweet thought but then I looked at it and it's all yellowed and old looking. It's just not exactly my look. I know they're real but they haven't been taken care of and they just look junky and sad. The main problem is that I don't have anything else in mind. I'll have to come up with something so I have a good reason to not wear the necklace. I've still got some time.

TheaterDiva1 · #16 01-05-2006, 10:23 PM

What does your bouquet look like? Maybe you can make the necklace work with the bouquet (maybe wrap it around?)

sparklesweetie · #17 01-06-2006, 12:15 AM

I haven't made the bouquets yet, but they will be hand tied. And I thought about sewing it onto the ribbon that holds mine together. Or I'll sew it into my slip. I just talked with my grandma about it the other day, and she agreed with me completely that it wouldn't match my dress. She would just like it to be near me somewhere that day. Works for me, my mom is the only one being odd about it. (Which reminds me, I need to post in another thread about that....)

555Ann555 · #18 01-06-2006, 12:37 AM

Well it's good that your grandma is OK with it at least... I'm glad you've found a way to work around it rather than it becoming a big issue for her.

maroki13 · #19 01-06-2006, 01:46 AM

I agree with the other ladies about incorporating the necklace into your outfit somewhere OTHER than your neck.

I have a pearl necklace that I got about 10 years ago as a present for my confirmation. It is really nice and really expensive, but I'm not sure if I want to wear it because the pearls are ivory and my dress is very white. The one time I mentioned to my mom, she didn't sound happy and I haven't brought it up since. It is from her sisters (my godmothers). I do really like it and still might wear it. Not the same situation as yours.

Solar_Flare · #20 01-19-2006, 12:54 AM

There isn't any jewelry in my family that was passed around but I'm wearing my FMIL's diamand heart necklace and matching earings that she and her daughter (my MOH) wore to their weddings. So I lucked out there. Glad to hear your grandmother was totally understanding about you not wanting to wear it but still wanting to incorperate it somehow. Sounds like the two of you are on similar wavelengths.

Mom's are just weird. Doesn't matter if you're 5 or 50, they feel like they have every right to make your decisions for you. Like my mom....

555Ann555 · #21 01-19-2006, 01:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solar_Flare

Mom's are just weird. Doesn't matter if you're 5 or 50, they feel like they have every right to make your decisions for you. Like my mom....

I think they're are a lot of us on here who think that way about our mums!

Jacqueline · #22 01-19-2006, 01:46 PM

have to say do what feb said.

is there a way you could even wear it in your hair

Kim&Bob2004 · #23 01-21-2006, 11:48 PM

I wore Bob's mom fresh water pearl necklace. It is really very pretty and elegant. It matched my veil prefectly. The only thing is, you can barely see it. It wasn't a chocker type strand. I would somehow sew it into your slip or even just tuck it in somewhere... I don't know how big the necklace is....

Since Bob's mom has been gone for more then a decade, I wore it for Bob. I don't know what I would have done if his mom would have requested it.... anyway.... I like to think I would have agreed. People with all their in-laws don't really know what they are missing. I really wish I could have met and loved my mother and father in-law, but God had other plans. Many of you are luckier then you will ever know.