Wedding Abroad - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Tyrony · #1 04-21-2007, 04:03 PM

We plan on getting married in Hawaii, but would like to have a pre-wedding reception in our home town. We are experiencing difficulties on how to word the reception invitations. We are looking for a polite way to request monetary donations over gifts in order to fund our trip around the world. Our relationship has never been based on material goods, our friends and family realize that, and we would prefer flying around the globe instead of getting fine china. I guess we are trying to make this some sort of wedding shower along with the reception. So, how should we word the invite?

Sharon Naylor · #2 04-23-2007, 02:31 PM

Hello Tyrony:

For your plan, it would be best to set up a honeymoon registry so that guests can give you the gift of portions of your travel plans and special day trips, dinners, spa treatments, etc. You'll place the link for this registry on your personal wedding website, which you would include on your Save the Date Cards or invitations.

Proper etiquette states that you can never put anything about gifts on a wedding invitation, so don't worry about any wording on those. It just can't be done. But you can include or enclose a card that shows your personal wedding website where your registry appears.

Since you're having a destination wedding, the pre-party is going to have to be a couples' shower, so word your invitation in that way (such as 'You are invited to a couples' shower for _____ and _____'). Now here's the tricky part: if you want to invite lots of guests to a pre-wedding party for your destination wedding, you're going to have to plan a post-destination wedding party. No one can ever invite guests to a shower and then not to some celebration of the wedding. So here's a good solution: send out an invitation for the couples' shower that includes your personal wedding website, and then make sure it says 'invitation to post-wedding celebration to follow' OR print the details of your post-wedding celebration as a dual invitation. That second party is a must-do for destination weddings now, especially if you wish to invite people to a shower.

If you have other questions on this, just let me know! And I'm sure the community here can share their plans to help you out as well...

Heather · #3 04-23-2007, 03:02 PM

I agree with Sharon, you can't ask for money or gifts in any manner. A lot of people feel that honeymoon registeries are just as tacky as mentioning gifts in an invitation, but it's becoming more common in some areas.

I would also create an online wedding page as Sharon suggested, and most sites allow a spot for you to mention your registeries. This is where I would list the honeymoon registery. It may be a good idea to register at at least one brick and mortar shop too. People will buy you things and you may as well specificy what the gifts should be - especially for those who do not believe in honeymoon registeries.

Good luck and congratulations on your engagement.

Julz518 · #4 04-23-2007, 03:39 PM

Hi Tyrony!

My FH and I are in a similar situation as you are. We're still "playing" with the idea of a travel/honeymoon registry - we've found that it's a bit of a PITA unless you are planning to get a pre-packaged cruise/caribbean honeymoon that the online travel agents offer. Although I've heard that in more "urban" areas (NYC, LA) there are travel agents who will work with you to set one up. Also, I have read NUMEROUS warnings about planning on your entire trip being paid for off of the registry - so I want to reiterate that you shouldn't plan to take any trip that you yourselves cannot afford. After you sign up for one of these, you are responsible for paying off the balance. Anything that is bought from the travel regsitry should be viewed as a "bonus".

Since we don't need a lot of "material" things, and I'm not sure how receptive our friends and family will be to the travel registry, we are also planning to have a "charity" registry and a traditional registry as well.

You may be suprised how easy it is to find things to put on a traditional registry. We too, are pretty well established, but we've been keeping inventory of things that we can put on our registry - like nice window blinds, decorative hardware for our kitchen cabinets, throw rugs, artwork, a good vacuum. These are all things we don't need immediately or would otherwise live without, but aren't "silly" consumptive things like I've seen on some registries.

And while there are formal charity registries out there (like the I Do Foundation), they usually take a percentage of the donations for "administration" of the registry. It is better to refer your guests directly to your favorite charity instead.

Good Luck with everything!