Guest problem..... - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

mhafen2005 · #1 04-20-2007, 03:20 PM

My fiance and I keep fighting over the issue of inviting his obnoxious sister to the wedding. My family hates her unconditionally and so do I. (Then again wouldnt you if shes been calling you a stupid f***ing whorebag to everyone) and he still wants to invite her. I understand she IS family and all but i know shes gonna make our day miserable. PLUS his parents liked me when they first met me, but now they dont exactly care for me ever since shes been turning things around telling her family that i hate everyone and such. I have a HUGE problem with her and the parents (They caught her doing this and they STILL believe everything that she says!!!!!)

Someone help i dont want to call it off on the count of his family!!

Heather · #2 04-20-2007, 03:25 PM

Unfortunately, you have to invite the sister. Sorry... but it's family and if your future husband wants here there, he should be allowed to invite her. Try talking to him about she makes you feel and maybe he'll change his mind, but for the time being, I think you're stuck.

Also, you say she's been turning things around, but you say how you have a huge problem with her and her parents. Is she simply echoing your feelings about them?

ljeagle · #3 04-20-2007, 03:26 PM

Honey she is his sister! Even thought I can't stand my MIL and by the sound of it his sisters has acted like my MIL I still had to invite her to the wedding. We might always agree what each other families do but we still have to respect them. I was surprised that my MIL keep her self out of trouble on our wedding day but she was really well behaved as far as I know. If the sister don't agree with him marring you then she might not even show. I would just have someone always close to her to watch her behavior and the first mess up have them escort her out the place.

justnmary · #4 04-20-2007, 03:27 PM

Well to be brutally honest, if you call off the wedding because of his family do you really love him enough to be getting married in the first place? Don't let his family bring you down, I would have to say it is his sister and he has every right to want her at his wedding, I myself wouldn't care to have someone like that at the wedding but I would do it for my spouse. If she causes too much of a problem have some sort of security there to have her escorted out if necessary. Just make sure FH knows of this before hand and he must agree to it. Otherwise, maybe you should just elope. Welcome!

ladedah · #5 04-20-2007, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justnmary

Well to be brutally honest, if you call off the wedding because of his family do you really love him enough to be getting married in the first place? Don't let his family bring you down, I would have to say it is his sister and he has every right to want her at his wedding, I myself wouldn't care to have someone like that at the wedding but I would do it for my spouse. If she causes too much of a problem have some sort of security there to have her escorted out if necessary. Just make sure FH knows of this before hand and he must agree to it. Otherwise, maybe you should just elope. Welcome!

ditto!!

mhafen2005 · #6 04-20-2007, 03:43 PM

According to her ever since i came into his life she no longer has a brother. I dont want to cancel the wedding all because of the parents and her.....its getting extremly hard to deal with them. I mean i love him more then anything! id put my life in danger to save him. I get these threatning phone calls from his family because his sister told his family that i dont want to come to any parties because they disgust me and such and such, when I DONT EVEN TALK TO HER!!!!!!!! I love his family like they were mine! she says she asked me to go shopping with her and i said no, but she never did. I caught her red handed putting nails into my car tires, she also keyed the side of my car and she ADMITTED to doing it. Thats enough for now otherwise im really going to bang my head against the wall! lol

Emily · #7 04-20-2007, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mhafen2005

According to her ever since i came into his life she no longer has a brother. I dont want to cancel the wedding all because of the parents and her.....its getting extremly hard to deal with them. I mean i love him more then anything! id put my life in danger to save him. I get these threatning phone calls from his family because his sister told his family that i dont want to come to any parties because they disgust me and such and such, when I DONT EVEN TALK TO HER!!!!!!!! I love his family like they were mine! she says she asked me to go shopping with her and i said no, but she never did. I caught her red handed putting nails into my car tires, she also keyed the side of my car and she ADMITTED to doing it. Thats enough for now otherwise im really going to bang my head against the wall! lol

Okay if she has been doing these things like keying the car, putting nails into your car and threatening you then surely you would get the police involved??? I know I would have, because then she can be exposed for who she really is!

justnmary · #8 04-20-2007, 03:48 PM

Well, I have no advice on that. If she really is that cold and calculating, I would wonder if it was in the blood and if I really want to be married into that family. Maybe there's some sort of mental imbalance and if that's hereditary I'm not so sure I'd feel safe in that family. Threating phone calls? If fh doesn't think there's anything wrong with this, then I would seriously reconsider. Sounds to me like this could eventually ruin the marriage and I'm not sure if getting married is really what you should do. Good luck!

Heather · #9 04-20-2007, 03:49 PM

I'm sorry. This is all too fishy for me. You love them like you're own family but in your first post you're talking about how you have major issues with the sister and parents. What came first?

Plus, you keep posting specific links to a dress shop. Are you a real bride with real issues or are you here to advertise? I'll apologize if I'm wrong, and I have been before, but something isn't sitting well with me.

Kim&Bob2004 · #10 04-20-2007, 03:55 PM

Something sounds fishy to me too.

But on the chance that you are on the up and up, YOU HAVE TO INVITE HER. COWGIRL UP. Be the bigger person. If you shower her with kindness when you have to be around her, then no one can honestly say they have witnessed any rude behavior. Sure they might think you are a manipulative woman, but they will honestly just have heresy.

justnmary · #11 04-20-2007, 03:55 PM

[quote=Heather]Plus, you keep posting specific links to a dress shop. [quote]

Really? Where am I missing these links? That's the first thing I looked for!

Emily · #12 04-20-2007, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

I'll apologize if I'm wrong, and I have been before, but something isn't sitting well with me.

Totally agree!

Heather · #13 04-20-2007, 03:58 PM

http://www.pashweddings.com/weddingf...ead.php?t=8601

http://www.pashweddings.com/weddingf...ead.php?t=8604

mhafen2005 · #14 04-20-2007, 04:06 PM

YES I AM A REAL BRIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!! im getting married November 18th of this year. and i was talking about his IMMEDIATE FAMILY. The rest of relatives i adore theyre the best people ive known in a while. PLUS Ive been going to school with 3 of his cousins since elementary school and been friends since!!!!!!!

NovemberGal · #15 04-20-2007, 04:11 PM

If ALL of what you're saying is really true, his sister and parents threatening you, her damaging your car, etc...how is it that this man you'd put your life in danger for does NOT have an issue with his family's treatment of you? That's really weird to me. That's a serious issue that, no matter how much you love him, could have major repercussions down the road (or..um..NOW). Seriously, I'd suggest couples counciling, or premarital counseling with a religious or secular authority that you are both comfortable with (even if you're not required to do this, as you often are if you're being married in a church, it can be a really good idea). To me, their behavior is enough to involve the police, as Emily said, and even if you don't want to do that becasue they are his family, if he is okay with that level of harrassment towards you I'm not sure you should marry him, at least not without talking it out fully.

Cirig · #16 04-20-2007, 04:13 PM

Well- I said nothing b/c I'm cool like that... BUT

It talks like a duck...

Montanabride · #17 04-20-2007, 04:20 PM

I agree with the girls. You should think abou this seriously before you plan any further. This sounds pretty serious. I would never put up with that and my FH would never let anything like that happen to me. But i am very lucky that they are wonderfull to me and my daughter.

So agian really think about what you are doing and what FH is willing to do for you.

One question tho. .. Why do you keep posting about your dress in different theads? We normally keep one thread going on one issue like our dresses.

Oooh and we love it when you post the pics!!

Ok have a good day

SerendipityCrafts · #18 04-20-2007, 04:23 PM

Even if this was the ONLY man in the world for you or even if he also happened to be the LAST man on earth or even if you would literally DIE without him - even if all of these things were true - do you really want to marry into a family like his? I know one thing for certain, his family is NOT going to go away or suddenly treat you better just because you marry him. Do you really want a lifetime of that crap?!!!

Emily · #19 04-20-2007, 04:44 PM

Why dont you post an introduction in the 'Bridal Journals' so we can hear all about your plans and learn a bit more about you?

soulsearcher1968 · #20 04-21-2007, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cirig

Well- I said nothing b/c I'm cool like that... BUT

It talks like a duck...

OK..... I just have to. Honestly...I can't control myself.

QUACK!!!!!

Edit: OUCH. I fell out of the chair. LOL

wynelle · #21 04-21-2007, 03:55 PM

Assuming you are a real bride, getting married in November, I would suggest a sit-down meeting with your FH and his parents.

Explain that you are very concerned over sister's behavior. Tell them she put nails in your tires and keyed your car, but you didn't call the police because it was sister. Tell them that her abnormal behavior is of deep concern and that she might need counselling to help her understand that her brother's marriage does not impact his love for her.

Tell them that you have the deepest respect for them, and are looking forward to joining the family, but you are concerned that they are believing the wildly
outrageous, insulting and hostile things she is saying.

Have FH reiterate that you have not said or done the things sister has said, and that he shares your concern that his belove sister is fucking nuts!

And have FH start spending a little time with his sister. He can take her out to lunch once in a while, or call her once a week or so. Maybe she is a little upset because just maybe you are taking up all his free time, and you disorage him doing anything with his family. You never know!

ANd why did you delete all the posts with your wedding dress?

seansgirl · #22 04-21-2007, 04:05 PM

Okay i am confused too.
However... Does his family not think about the outcome before doing such things like wrecking your car?? Who does that hurt you?? Or does it end up coming out of both your pockets to fix the car and replace tires? Does you FH not say this is BS and confront them all together??? Maybe I am too old but I would under no way put up with that crap. My FH's mother had been living with him for the last 10 years and then when I sold my house and moved in to his home in December she got ver malicious and ruined my custom made living room suite, by dumping motor oil over it and then said that the dogs did it. I said to my FH I can't afford to live here and I can't stand the feeling of walking on egg shells. So he simply said "Mom it is time for you to go you have until the end of the month" It was the best thing that he could have ever done. So I can relate to what you are saying about there rude schemeing ways. Maybe you have to decide with your FH how to confront them together on this. Or as the old saying goes shut up and put up if you are willing to keep going through that. But to me life's too short to be miserable.

TheaterDiva1 · #23 04-21-2007, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NovemberGal

If ALL of what you're saying is really true, his sister and parents threatening you, her damaging your car, etc...how is it that this man you'd put your life in danger for does NOT have an issue with his family's treatment of you? That's really weird to me. That's a serious issue that, no matter how much you love him, could have major repercussions down the road (or..um..NOW). Seriously, I'd suggest couples counciling, or premarital counseling with a religious or secular authority that you are both comfortable with (even if you're not required to do this, as you often are if you're being married in a church, it can be a really good idea). To me, their behavior is enough to involve the police, as Emily said, and even if you don't want to do that becasue they are his family, if he is okay with that level of harrassment towards you I'm not sure you should marry him, at least not without talking it out fully.

That's what I was thinking. Is your FH making any effort to stand up for you? If he's letting it happen, why would you even want to marry him? I takes a lot for me to advise someone to rething marrying someone, but this is too much. Seriously, do you want a lifetime of... this?

Julz518 · #24 04-21-2007, 08:07 PM

In my opinion (and honestly, the bible backs me up here), when you get married your spouse automatically should become your #1 PRIORITY!

It does not sound like your FH is doing that. He is not standing up for you or trying to protect you. You CANNOT live the rest of your life this way - it will end very badly (and from the sound of it, possibly quite violently).

But, if you do decide he is worth it and you want to go forward with the wedding, you HAVE to invite his sister. I would suggest killing her with kindness, no matter what she does and says about you. If you react to her actions, you are giving her exactly what she wants... and making YOURSELF look bad in the process. Whereas if you ignore them and treat her well despite it all, your will come off looking like the better person - and everyone will eventually see it.

Good Luck!