Guest List...

[DragonYoga]

This is kind of a vent, but... My FH's family are all VERY relaxed. They literally don't make concrete plans until a few hours before it's supposed to happen! Like for example, I knew all week last week about my FMIL's birthday dinner, but had no idea what time or when... until 3 1/2 hours before it was time. Normally that's not much of a problem, since I do plan around that and make sure I'm available for them.

BUT...

FH is doing the same thing with the guest list!!!

How do I get him to understand that I need the list ASAP so I can start planning and sending out STDs, then later the invites??? The clock is ticking, and he's done almost NOTHING. General ideas of what he wants for the tuxes, music, even who will marry us! He's amazing.

I do plan to start speeding up on the things I can after Hell Week (finals) is over next week, but by then there'll be about 6 1/2 months till the wedding... So I'm REALLY starting to feel the crunch!

Ideas on getting him to UNDERSTAND that some things like wedding preparations can't be planned and set in stone at the last minute??? Or am I being too anal?

[DavidsWife]

First Off, I just have to say WOW I remember when that ticker had a year left on it. Time flies!!!!

I don't know that I have any good advice. With our guest list (because it's small) it was somewhat easier than a larger guest list!

I too had to ask Dave, I had an idea as to who he would like. So I sat down and wrote it up myself. I showed it to him and then he started talking with me on who he would want there.

Thankfully, I think the list iss finally done.

[NovemberGal]

Originally Posted by DavidsFiance

So I sat down and wrote it up myself. I showed it to him and then he started talking with me on who he would want there.

This was going to be my suggestion, too. Unfortunately, if he just won't do it, you may have to. Repeat again that a wedding is too large and complicated an event to plan at the last minute, and that decisions need to be made far in advance, and if he doesn't give you his preferences, you'll just do your best. Then show him your plans before they are set in stone but if he doesn't give you feedback (or it is negative but he never tells you what he'd like better) then just go with it. (Honey, I like this tux for your groomsmen. If you don't like it, will you pick a different one this week? Otherwise, I'll have to go with this one. -or- Here are three tuxes. Which do you like best? -To give him limited options and some control.)

For the guest list, try writing out who you think he'll want from his side, and go over it with him to try to get him moving. Tell him you'll be sending save the dates to these people on xxxx day, and you'll send it to this list if he doesn't tell who shouldn't be on it and who should that isn't!

[DragonYoga]

Yeah - part of my problem is his family is from at least 2 states, and the majority is in NC (or was it SC? ). I have a small guest list from my side drawn up. I'll do that today when I see him! I think I'll tell him I'm planning to send the STDs by the beginning of May (which will give him about 3 weeks) to cough up the guest list AND addresses...

Then I'll send the invites in Sept., or should I wait until Oct.? December *is* a busy time...

[imstilldreaming]

I had to write a list first with his friends and family included, and then he looked at it and added/subtracted from it.


Good luck! You are not being anal!!

[DavidsWife]

Originally Posted by DragonYoga

Then I'll send the invites in Sept., or should I wait until Oct.? December *is* a busy time...

I think the sooner the better! Like you said, December is a busy month!

[NovemberGal]

I would send them at the very beginning of October. December is busy, but a lot of people still haven't focused on it yet in September, which is still practically summer, back to school, etc. etc. Especially if you've sent STDs, you really only need to send invites 6-8 weeks in advance; even for a busy time, if you do them too much earlier people will feel like they have FOREVER to decide, and then they'll forget to respond!

[sparklesweetie]

Originally Posted by NovemberGal

This was going to be my suggestion, too. Unfortunately, if he just won't do it, you may have to. Repeat again that a wedding is too large and complicated an event to plan at the last minute, and that decisions need to be made far in advance, and if he doesn't give you his preferences, you'll just do your best. Then show him your plans before they are set in stone but if he doesn't give you feedback (or it is negative but he never tells you what he'd like better) then just go with it. (Honey, I like this tux for your groomsmen. If you don't like it, will you pick a different one this week? Otherwise, I'll have to go with this one. -or- Here are three tuxes. Which do you like best? -To give him limited options and some control.)

For the guest list, try writing out who you think he'll want from his side, and go over it with him to try to get him moving. Tell him you'll be sending save the dates to these people on xxxx day, and you'll send it to this list if he doesn't tell who shouldn't be on it and who should that isn't!

Everything she said is what I had to do with my DH. His motto on things was, "I'll tell you if I don't like it before I tell you if I do like it." Men. Same with the guest list...he wouldn't get going on it, so I wrote up who I thought should be on it and he added and subtracted after I showed it to him.

[DavidsWife]

Sorry, Don't mean to hijack!


i was starting to wonder if this was normal! Dave is somewhat interested, he lets me do everhthing and make all the decisions, I just run them by him first before they become final.

He's so layed back!

Are most FH like this then?

[555Ann555]

Mo certainly was!

I actuall ran up a brief list of his family & sat him down to run through them... Once I had started him off he had no problem listing the rest of the people "I had missed" ie. "how could you have missed of_____?!" but it got the list done

[NovemberGal]

Originally Posted by DavidsFiance

Sorry, Don't mean to hijack!


i was starting to wonder if this was normal! Dave is somewhat interested, he lets me do everhthing and make all the decisions, I just run them by him first before they become final.

He's so layed back!

Are most FH like this then?

I think the "stereotypical" groom isn't that involved in the wedding. Now, DH actually was interested in lots of things, and I appreciated having his input, and I know several others on this board and off it whose husbands were involved more or less, or at least in certain areas that mattered to them, but I think lots of guys still just seem happy to let their fiancees (and/or the moms!) do the planning.

[Julz518]

Rick has no interest whatsoever in the wedding planning process. He doesn't even really care what he wears.

We actually talked about the guest list a little this weekend... he's the same as your FH, DY. He was like "why are we talking about this now, we have plenty of time"?? Luckily, His family is all local and I already have all their contact info. I think for his friends I am just going to make a list of everyone I know and let him cut it if he wants to.

Anyway, you're not being anal wanting to get this stuff done. But don't force him to be involved either. Make him aware of your decisions and give him a chance to give input (within a timeframe), and if he doesn't then that's too bad! He'll live with it, and I imagine after awhile he'll realize that you really are serious about your timeframe for things.

[DragonYoga]

Good news! I *finally* got the list from him!!! He's still working on the addresses, but I'm happy now that I have THE LIST!!!!

And it's perfect too - exactly 56 (the max the place were we're getting married at is allowing).

Ofc it meant taking off Mom's friend, her husband and their son.

Family first, eh.

[seansgirl]

My lovely FH wrote the list alright with no problem!! I thought great!! he even did the invitations all by himself !!! That was great until I confirmed with the hall that the seating capacity was 180 and we have over 200 I hope you have better success with your FH then I did.