This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by Jazzie on 10/06/04.
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posted by Jazzie
We would like to have a first dance at our reception but we are unsure of how to go about it. Since my fiancé is in a wheelchair this may be hard to do. We have ideas about our first dance that we may use like me sitting in his lap as we dance or even dancing to a more upbeat song so that we do not look awkward during our first dance. Another thing I thought about was starting our first dance with just us and having the wedding party join in at a certain point so that all eyes will not be on us, but all of these are just ideas. Does anyone have any experience or ideas that could help me? I just want to be able to dance with my husband on our wedding day with out us looking or feeling awkward.
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posted by vandygirl
I think you sitting in his lap would be so cute. That way you could be so close to him and I don't think it would look awkward at all. Have fun!
**Colleen**
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posted by wynelle
I have some personal questions for you. How long has your fiance been paralyzed? What is the level of his injury? What type of wheelchair is he using and what is his skill level in the chair? Does he require ventilator support? I have seen "other-abled" athletes do tremendous things in their wheelchairs, and I have had patients who were disabled to the level they could not perform any self-tasks. That said, it can make a tremendous difference in what you do. I think sitting in his lap and squirming to music might make some people uncomfortable (like you were doing exactly what you are doing- a lap dance). I attended one wedding and reception where the groom was in a wheelchair, and for the dance, the bride and groom held hands and went for a quiet stroll around the perimeter of the dance floor, in another the bride sat on a stool, so they were at eye level for each other, held hands and sort of swayed to the music. If he is very skilled,lower level disability, you can stand in the positive of formal dancing...facing and just to the left of the chair, and you can do smooth, walzing movements. It all depends on what he is physically capable of doing, AND a lot of practice. You don't want to get him physically overtired.
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posted by Jazzie
Wynelle- In response to your reply, my fiancé has been paralyzed for 2 years and his level of injury is a T4. His chair is a high back chair since he doesn't have full trunk control. His injury is very weird seeing that there is no medical reason on why he is paralyzed; the doctors just say his body is in shock so the level of his ability is very high. He has all of his feeling and also some movement below the level of injury but not enough strength to lock his knees and stand on his own or walk. I think of my dancing on his lap as more of a slow dance than a lap dance. We would be mostly moving in the chair not me making suggestive movements while sitting on his lap. We do it at home but who knows how it looks and that is why I am fishing for ideas on how we should do our first dance, I simply do not know. Thanks for the info about the romantic stroll, I like that.
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posted by munchkin
I agree with Wynelle, the romantic stroll idea sounds really good. I also have to agree with her on the "lap dance" thing. Any dance movements while sitting on someone's lap looks like a lap dance, no matter how unsuggestive the context and how innocent it's supposed to be.
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posted by vandygirl
Okay, I'm picturing this sit-on-the-lap thing very differently than a "lap dance". I think Jazzie would probably sit ACROSS the chair, side-saddle if you will. I don't think it would be appropriate either for her to hike up her dress and straddle him and I doubt that's what she had in mind.
**Colleen**
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posted by Jazzie
Thank You Coleen. That is exactly how we would be situated. I have actually never thought of it as a lap dance until the reply was posted and I can sort of see how some people at the ceremony may view it. But for the most part I think that it will not be viewed as anything more than a husband and wife having their first dance together and not letting the chair get in the way.
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posted by wynelle
I know you MEAN it to be a sweet sincere gesture of a husband and wife dancing and not letting a wheel chair get in the way...But its still a LAP DANCE. And there are other ways to get past this. Do you think it is cute when a groom sticks his head under a bride's dress to pull the garter with teeth? What looks and seems innocent and sweet in your living room, is a totally different thing on a dance floor in public. A lot of other points which you need to consider... how long are his armrests? Do you fit on his lap smoothly or do you have to squirm and adjust your self, and maybe let a leg dangle over the armrest? What style dress are you wearing- will the hoopskirt fly up, or is the skirt more straight and will rip or pull out?
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posted by MOBMEMBER
OK, I had to get in on this one. Jazzie, I don't think what you are describing will look at all like a lap dance. Sitting sideways, across his lap. I think it would be beautiful. And I'm normally a bit of a prude, being a pastor and all.
Here's some ideas that come to mind. Can you, if you are tall enough, reach down and push the chair in a backwards circle, with one wheel locked? I'm assuming he can't push his own chair. Or you could push him around for a while in circles, twirling the chair around you and then sit on his lap for the last part of the song.
I don't think any of this would be perceived as a lap dance. As long as your not hiking your skirt and gyrating, which doesn't sound like what you describe.
Have fun practicing! And don't worry about what others think! Enjoy your day. It's really about the two of you!
Blessings
MOB
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posted by Deb Farson
I may be late with this one, but I think the idea of dancing with your new husband who just happens to be in a wheelchair is a wonderful thing. I have seen such a "dance" (with the bride sitting on her groom's lap) and it certainly did not look like a lap dance. Perhaps we should look into what a "lap dance" really is? I'm sure your family, friends and other guests will find it very touching and will not have their minds in the gutter at such a sweet moment in the lives of the newly weds. Enjoy and congratulations to you!
First Dance with Paralyzed Fiancé
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