Higher Incomes..... - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

ladedah · #1 03-28-2007, 06:27 PM

Do any of you make more than your spouse??

A few evenings ago DH brought up that he wanted to buy this lawn tractor thingy...for doing work around our house....I said okay...if he thought we needed it...its a couple thousand dollars....

So today he called that they delivered it and he feels guilty for spending money thats not his....I'm a little flabberghasted because I always thought (and he's always said) that our incomes didn't bother him. I do make a substantial amount more than he, but it's not like like he makes a pauper's living, if you know what I mean. We live very frugally and could actually live within or means on just his income.....so we save A LOT.....in my eyes it is money that is his just as much as ours....

Anyways, I'm just wondering if this is an issue for any of you and how you handle it....I don't want it to be a big issue later.....and I don't want him to feel guilty for buying something he wants or needs.

imstilldreaming · #2 03-28-2007, 06:30 PM

I make more money than he does, and probably will after grad school too. It used to be a big deal, but he's gotten over it I think. I actually feel worse about spending 'our' money than he does.

ladedah · #3 03-28-2007, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imstilldreaming

I actually feel worse about spending 'our' money than he does.

I always feel bad, too!! But that is just my nature, I think!...

Montanabride · #4 03-28-2007, 06:36 PM

I make more than my FH and we graduated with the same degree!! I think he is a little discouraged about it, i have helped him out on bills before and he seems upset about it. But i told him our money is one. We pay for what we can from who ever has more money to put towards things. He is so upset he is trying to get a SECOND JOB

we dont need it, we are doing fine, but he worrys too much. I think that is just how men are. They feel like they are the ones that need to provide more for them and their spouse, but sometimes it doesnt work this way and that is uncomforable for them i think. So i know how you feel, but i dont know really what to do ?!?

Kim&Bob2004 · #5 03-28-2007, 06:37 PM

If I worked full time and Bob didn't work over time like he does, I would make more. I'm not sure if it's an issue though. I always call all the money our money, we always talk about big ticket items, and even some smaller ones. I don't complain when he buys something for himself, and he doesn't me. I feel guilty too when I buy something just for myself, even though he is there encouraging me.... go figure......

feb-bride · #6 03-28-2007, 06:42 PM

I don't make more money than my husband at this point, but I have really narrowed the gap in the last year or so. Now, we are the same pay grade (he makes more because he has more time-in-grade than I do).

There is a good chance that within the next year, I will be making more money than my husband because my supervisor is talking about trying to get me a promotion. I don't *think* it will make a big difference in our relationship because we have separate checking accounts, but you never know!

justnmary · #7 03-28-2007, 06:50 PM

I don't make more then him, but I can guarantee you that if I did, it would probably be a problem. Not because I'd make more, but because he is very old-fashioned and in his mind, the man is the bread winner, the woman is the bread maker!!!! lol He would accept it, but he would feel less then a man if I did. He's never told me this, but I know him too well to know that if that were the case he'd feel bad that I was carrying the load. Don't get me wrong, he'd be ecstatic that we had this extra money, but he'd feel guilty that he wasn't the one putting it in the bank. I'm fine either way...as long as we have the money to pay the bills that's all I worry about.

He keeps telling me that all the money in our household is "ours" but I feel guilty shopping with it!

neebelung · #8 03-28-2007, 06:51 PM

I make a bit more than he does, but it's never, ever been an issue. We don't have shared accounts yet, but since we live together, we treat it all as "our" money anyway.

Julz518 · #9 03-28-2007, 07:09 PM

We both make exactly the same hourly rate... but he works WAY more overtime and gets paid time and 1/2 for it. So his paychecks are MUCH bigger.

It has been an issue - for me, not him. I felt (still do) that we should split our joint expenses evenly and keep our individual expenditures separate. I don't know why I feel this way. Maybe it's because I've worked so hard for my career that I want to be able to "prove" I'm successful at it? Maybe it's the feminist in me? (on a side note, one of my colleagues told me the other day that he read an article about women making 40% less then men in the same profession - simply because they don't ASK for the same amount of money)
Maybe it's because my dad tried to spend all of our mom's inheritance before he left her? Or maybe it's because FH doens't know how to balance his checkbook.

Anyway, at the same time, making more money than me is good for him b/c he doesn't have a "career" - even though he has a degree in Mechanical Engineering, he is working as a coal miner b/c he couldn't find a job as an engineer. I know it hurts his ego to be doing "blue colar" work when he tried so hard to make a "better" life for himself (he comes froma blue colar family). So being able to work hard and provide such a nice life for us gives him back a little bit of pride. I think he would have a problem with it if he made less money than me, though I don't think he would ever verbalize it and I don't think it would be an issue in our relationship...

Montanabride · #10 03-28-2007, 07:26 PM

Funny thing just happened, FH just called with news that he is getting into the union (HVACR) and getting a pay raise, he will be making more than me by alot by July!! Thats too funny. (not trying to steal the tread, just thought it was funny!!)

feb-bride · #11 03-28-2007, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julz518

I felt (still do) that we should split our joint expenses evenly and keep our individual expenditures separate.

This is how I feel as well, and fortunately for me, so does my husband.

Julz518 · #12 03-28-2007, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feb-bride

This is how I feel as well, and fortunately for me, so does my husband.

Rick doesn't care one way or the other... but he doens't want me to be in financial hardship when he's rollin' in it either!

For example, we re-analyzed our finances recently b/c I was having a hard time making ends meed on my end. We realized that splitting our joint expenses (mortgage, food, phone & electric) "evenly" was costing me 43% of my income and him 22% of his... and I have student loans, commuting fees, and extra medical expenses on top of it! Even though I feel that splitting it evenly is "right", I also know that my struggling makes him uncomfortable. Splitting proportional to our income is easier on both of us ... and hopefully some day we will each be contributing the same amount anyway...

feb-bride · #13 03-28-2007, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julz518

We realized that splitting our joint expenses (mortgage, food, phone & electric) "evenly" was costing me 43% of my income and him 22% of his...

Financial planners/experts usually say that each person in the marriage/relationship should be contributing equal PERCENTAGES of their pay towards joint expenses, particularly when there's a large disparity between each income. That's what I meant by "even" split of expenses. Maybe I should have been more clear.

Heather · #14 03-28-2007, 08:05 PM

I have a hard time not splitting everything equally as well, even though Mike now makes almost double what I did. I think it's about time for me to swallow my pride (especially now) and re-think that.

justnmary · #15 03-28-2007, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

I have a hard time not splitting everything equally as well, even though Mike now makes almost double what I did. I think it's about time for me to swallow my pride (especially now) and re-think that.

For better, for worse....for richer....for poorer.....RETHINK THAT GIRLFRIEND!

ladedah · #16 03-28-2007, 08:14 PM

We don't split our bills, proportionately or otherwise. We have one joint checking account, a joint brokerage account, and two joint credit cards. We eliminated all of our single accounts when we got married.....all of our paychecks go into one spot...I pay our bills, allot to our savings, and the rest we just do whatever with. DH doesn't shop so when he needs/wants something he'll just say "I need some new jeans" or whatever...and I take care of it. Other than our house and one car we've not had to make any major purchases....

His comment just took me by surprise because I thought all was okay and normally he's constantly talking about how if/when we ever have kids that he's going to get to be the stay at home dad....

I'm sure it's nothing, but I'd just never heard a comment like that from him before.....

alongroadahead08 · #17 03-28-2007, 08:23 PM

We also try to divide things up the middle, but we both also make about the same amount of money. He's about a little under 3 dollars more than me right now. He has a checking and savings, I have a checking, and we'll probably get a joint savings here soon to save up for stuff, but other than that I pay all of the mortage, my Jeep loan, the internet, my credit card and some other odds and ends. He pays for his truck, the electric, the gas, the groceries when we need them, the cell phone bills and whatever other stuff he has. It's not that I try to keep his and mine seperate, I just have a hard time paying for something I didn't get to enjoy (aka: his credit card that was maxed out to jack up his truck) but everything else that's put on our credit cards jointly...(the window air conditioner we just bought, some insurance stuff) we pay equally of. With his bills and my bills, we are pretty split evenly. Sounds confusing...but it works for us!

justnmary · #18 03-28-2007, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alongroadahead08

It's not that I try to keep his and mine seperate, I just have a hard time paying for something I didn't get to enjoy (aka: his credit card that was maxed out to jack up his truck)

I'm the opposite. As of this next paycheck I am completely debt free. I asked J the other day how much was on his credit card and he said $1800. I told him that I would start paying that off and he said, "No, I'm not going to let you pay off things that I bought for you or for the money I've taken out for gambling...that's my debt." I'm more then willing to pay for these things just because I want no credit card debt once I'm not working. He won't hear of it. So I'll just keep putting my checks in the bank so when I'm not working I won't be bugging him all the time.

alongroadahead08 · #19 03-28-2007, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justnmary

I'm the opposite. As of this next paycheck I am completely debt free. I asked J the other day how much was on his credit card and he said $1800. I told him that I would start paying that off and he said, "No, I'm not going to let you pay off things that I bought for you or for the money I've taken out for gambling...that's my debt." I'm more then willing to pay for these things just because I want no credit card debt once I'm not working. He won't hear of it. So I'll just keep putting my checks in the bank so when I'm not working I won't be bugging him all the time.

I should rephrase here. When he was in credit card debt up to his ears because of his truck, I did help him pay for other things that were necessity at the time. Ex: his one minimum credit card payment was 275 dollars. His rent was 250. I handed him 250 dollars for rent so he could pay his credit card bill. I don't mind helping him in these ways. And I can't say that I would *never* help him if he needed it. If he was short on cash and needed help with his CC...i'd gladly extend some money to help..as he'd do the same. But for as long as we are both ok we just pay for our own stuff.

justnmary · #20 03-28-2007, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alongroadahead08

I should rephrase here. When he was in credit card debt up to his ears because of his truck, I did help him pay for other things that were necessity at the time. Ex: his one minimum credit card payment was 275 dollars. His rent was 250. I handed him 250 dollars for rent so he could pay his credit card bill. I don't mind helping him in these ways. And I can't say that I would *never* help him if he needed it. If he was short on cash and needed help with his CC...i'd gladly extend some money to help..as he'd do the same. But for as long as we are both ok we just pay for our own stuff.

Gotcha! That seems fair!

lisa82 · #21 03-28-2007, 08:50 PM

My DH makes more than I do. Our general pay is the same, but he does extra jobs to make extra $$$. We both put the majority of our paychecks into our joint account, but that changes month to month. Who ever has more puts more in. I usually keep about $100 in my account for whatever things I need (going out to dinner with friends, lunch here and there, that sort of thing). He usually keeps $200-$300 since he usually pays if we go out to eat together or as a family, and for groceries. Other than that all of our money goes towards bills and debt. But....by the end of today...we will be debt free(besides our mortgage)!!! SOOO excited about that! I know that if I made more than him, he would be perfectly ok with that! He doesn't really care who is the "bread winner" as long as we are doing ok. And I have no problem paying off his "personal" debt since he would and has done the same for me.

Marksbride · #22 03-28-2007, 11:13 PM

Mark makes a lot more than I do. He also works at the family farm and gets cash there.
We don't have a joint account yet, but will once we are married. We've lived together for 2 years now and split the rent/bils 1/2 way.
We have an envelope that we put cash into each month that goes towards groceries or for when we go out.
I'm so glad money has never been a problem for the two of us because I remember how much my mom and dad used to fight about it.

sparklesweetie · #23 03-28-2007, 11:16 PM

Before last August we made about the same...he might have been a little higher than me. Now, I make more than him. It bothers him a lot. He's got that old fashioned thinking too...that he should be the provider. It doesn't bother me really.

I pay all the bills, although we do have separate accounts. I've been trying for four months now to get his lazy butt to the bank with me so we can get a joint account going for bills...men. As far as the "individual" bills...I end up paying for all my CC's myself. And I usually end up paying for his past medical bills too...but we're married and I just view them as "our" bills so I don't have any problem paying for stuff.

Oh, and if we go shopping or anything he also feels guilty for spending "my" money. I tell him all the time it's our money but it doesn't sink in....

maroki13 · #24 03-29-2007, 12:08 AM

DH makes about 150% of my salary, so he makes a significant amount more than I do. We don't have seperate accounts. Because our checks come in at different times of the months, we each "pay" different bills with our checks. For example, I pay our entire mortage payment, my car payment and any other odds-and-ends bills at the beginning of the month. DH pays the rest of the bills from his paychecks, and we only transfer money from his checks into savings.

We don't have any debt except for our mortgage and our cars (and student loans), so we don't worry about paying each other's credit cards, etc.

I do love to earn money and consider myself a "breadwinner", but I knew when I picked my profession that I wouldn't be making a lot of money and that DH would always make more money than me, so I'm happy with the bills I can pay from my salary. It does make me feel proud that I still contribute a significant amount to our combined income. We could live off DH's income, but we couldn't splurge as much (or save as much) as we do now.

imstilldreaming · #25 03-29-2007, 01:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sparklesweetie

Before last August we made about the same...he might have been a little higher than me. Now, I make more than him. It bothers him a lot. He's got that old fashioned thinking too...that he should be the provider. It doesn't bother me really.

I pay all the bills, although we do have separate accounts. I've been trying for four months now to get his lazy butt to the bank with me so we can get a joint account going for bills...men. As far as the "individual" bills...I end up paying for all my CC's myself. And I usually end up paying for his past medical bills too...but we're married and I just view them as "our" bills so I don't have any problem paying for stuff.

Oh, and if we go shopping or anything he also feels guilty for spending "my" money. I tell him all the time it's our money but it doesn't sink in....

He may just need some time adjusting. I know it took FH most of last year to get used to the idea. And now he's happy that he can do things like take a Portuguese class for fun (yes, that is what he likes to do for fun!) that he wouldn't normally be able to do if I made less.