"Hot Button" issues - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

neebelung · #1 03-27-2007, 12:55 PM

Just curious as to what some of the "hot button" issues that have come up between you and your FH during the wedding planning process? And how did you address/deal with them? I know there's some of the more obvious ones that can pop up (religion, budget, etc....) but what about some of the unexpected ones that might have caught you by surprise?

Julz518 · #2 03-27-2007, 01:49 PM

We haven't had any (yet)... mainly b/c FH isn't at all interested in the wedding planning. He only cares about the food, music & booze, none of which we've really addressed yet.

We did have a pretty serious disagreement about financing the wedding though. I assumed that he would want to contribute to the wedding (we keep our finances separate, except for joint living expenses)... WRONG! He says that since he would be perfectly happy going to the JOP, and that since I'm the one who wants the "real" wedding, it is therefore my responsibility to pay for it....

I see his point, but it really irked me at first b/c this is OUR big day, not just mine

Heather · #3 03-27-2007, 01:51 PM

The only time I remember fighting about anything was when I was doing the seating chart. The seating chart thing sucks, lol.

maroki13 · #4 03-27-2007, 02:06 PM

DH and I had a lot of disagreements over the guest list. His family kept verbally inviting lots of extended relatives but wasn't contributing any money and we couldn't afford (a) to feed that many more people and (b) to pay for a larger reception site. I said I thought if they wanted so badly to invite them that they should pay for them, because these were far-out extended relatives (some of whom DH hasn't seen since he was 8 or 9.)

For a while we also disagreed about having alcohol at the reception. His family always has alcohol to celebrate things, and mine rarely does. Plus, he has some family members that might go overboard and in the end because of that and money, we decided not to have any alcohol.

neebelung · #5 03-27-2007, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julz518

We did have a pretty serious disagreement about financing the wedding though. I assumed that he would want to contribute to the wedding (we keep our finances separate, except for joint living expenses)... WRONG! He says that since he would be perfectly happy going to the JOP, and that since I'm the one who wants the "real" wedding, it is therefore my responsibility to pay for it....

I see his point, but it really irked me at first b/c this is OUR big day, not just mine

WHOAH.... I'm surprised he lived through that argument!

peckmiranda · #6 03-27-2007, 04:16 PM

We haven't really fought over anything yet. The main disagreement we've had is about drinking at the reception. Not whether or not we'll have alcohol, because of course we will, but he seems to view the reception as this giant party, and he plans to get as drunk as he can with his friends. I, on the other hand, realize that there will be a LOT of people I haven't seen in a loooong time, and I'd like to be sober enough to talk to them (and remember it the next day!).

feb-bride · #7 03-27-2007, 04:23 PM

I've been married for over five years now so my memory may be a bit hazy, but I honestly don't recall my husband and I having any *hot button* issues. I paid for most of our wedding, but I never considered it to be unfair because my husband didn't want a big wedding and he made that clear before we even got engaged.

BJC777SRL · #8 03-27-2007, 04:40 PM

We haven't fought at all yet (a little over 3 months to go though)! Basically I've just been planning, he doesn't care what I plan as long as I show him before I pay for it, and he's loved all my ideas so far! *knock on wood*

ladedah · #9 03-27-2007, 05:14 PM

Like Maroki we only fought about the guest list...and for the same reasons she listed above....His parents seemed to think that if they were just giving word of mouth invitations to stop by the reception and have dinner and a drink to every Tom, Dick, & Harry they knew...that it was okay....ummmm, hello we still have to pay for those people!! He finally just told his parents that if they wanted to invite someone they had to put it on their guest list....and since their were over their limit anyways then that person would have to replace someone else....that was the end and it relieved alot of stress....

neebelung · #10 03-27-2007, 05:14 PM

I'm so happy to hear it's been (for the most part) smooth sailing for most of you ladies. I hear so many horror stories about over stressed couples, and the arguments they get into during the planning process.

We had our first "disagreement" (if you even want to call it that) about my not wanting to have attendants. He wanted to at least have a Maid of Honor/Best Man... but was willing to hear my reasoning behind not wanting to. He heard me out, he agreed with me 100%, and it's a closed issue *phew* (so let's just hope everything else goes as smootly!)

ohiobride · #11 03-27-2007, 05:39 PM

I can't say "fought", but we did disagree on the guest list. It was difficult for me to understand that because DH had nearly no family, he wanted to invite lots of friends & business acquaintances, and for me, it was important to have my family members and a few close friends. It got a little ridiculous, in that his (toxic) sister wanted us to invite her personal friends and co-workers! DH and I finally agreed to a rule-of-thumb guideline: "are you close enough that this person either did or would invite you to his wedding or his son/daughter's wedding?" Believe it or not, that left out the family's business lawyer and their family doctor and veterinarian, all of whom crazy SIL wanted to invite!

litlbit · #12 03-27-2007, 06:00 PM

Haven't fought over anything yet. Of course it's only been four months since he proposed. We talk about everything though and why we feel the way we do about it. Like a seating chart. I'm torn on the idea, he doesn't care one way or the other, but we know for a fact that his aunt will be very vocal about how much she hates seating charts (this is his crazy and sometimes intimidating aunt). I figure we have plenty of time to decide about that and plenty of time to work everything out so we can hopefully avoid any major fights.

Julz518 · #13 03-27-2007, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BJC777SRL

Basically I've just been planning, he doesn't care what I plan as long as I show him before I pay for it, and he's loved all my ideas so far! *knock on wood*

I think that's one of the benefits of *me* paying for everything... even if Rick has a complaint, he really doesn't have a say in it

You should have seen the look on his face when I brought home the birdcage (for cards) and 60 shepherds hooks (for lanterns)!! I think it was mainly b/c I'm buying this stuff and our wedding is still more than a year away

But other than him thinking I'm crazy for that, everything we've discussed we've agreed upon - the food "type" (though the specific menu is still be discussed), the attire (NO TUXES!!!), the bridal party, the guest list, etc. No problem.

Kim&Bob2004 · #14 03-28-2007, 01:14 AM

Bob and I never really fought on anything during the planning stages. My brother sure tried to make it come to that at times though with his demanding of certain things (I won't go into what a JAMF he can be again!

it was important to Bob and I that we have the blessing of the "head" of my family). Otherwise, I think Bob trusted my judgment on stuff and since my family and I were paying for most of it, never really said anything except when we had to leave for the honeymoon by (a surprise for me!).

Marksbride · #15 03-28-2007, 01:52 AM

Our biggest disagreement has been over the bartenders. FH wants his dads cousin to do it for free. My parents want to hire someone. The main reason my parents want to hire someone is so the person bartending isn't standing there socializing all night and are getting people drinks. I don't really care either way, that's a minor thing compared to everything else!

justnmary · #16 03-28-2007, 07:42 PM

Our biggest issue was that he didn't want to accept financial help from his parents. His attitude was that it was "our" wedding and we should pay for it. Which I was okay with but then his parents were telling me that they really wanted to do this, it wasn't just Justin's wedding but their's also because their son was getting married and they wanted to celebrate it by having some of their friends there (which I couldn't blame them) adn that they wanted to support our marriage financially to make sure we had the day that we wanted without going into debt over it. Which I appreciated. I sat J down and told him what his parents said and he grunted and said "ok". That was about it.

alongroadahead08 · #17 03-28-2007, 08:10 PM

So far so good for us. Altho we've only been engaged for a short time. We have a lot decided already for specific reasons so really nothing so far. The only thing that I can think of...and (this isn't even really a fight or anything) he wanted himself and ALL of his groomsmen in white tuxes. For a September wedding. I wasn't thrilled about the idea for a few reasons 1) White is well...white and easy as hell to stain...2) one of his GM tends to get a little drunk and do the watermelon crawl across the floor and 3) I just didn't think it would look right. So we compromised I told him I was more than willing to let him wear a white tux...and the rest be black...so that's what we're doing! *crossing fingers the rest goes this smoothly!*

Joes_babygirl · #18 04-01-2007, 06:38 PM

My fiance and I haven't had any issues, but my mom and I on the other hand....Ohhhh boy....She and I got into it pretty good a couple weeks ago because she wants to take over the guest list when I explained we wanted to keep it small, she wanted to invite her friends and boot Joe and I'd off the list...Ummmm... What?!?!?!?! She said we could pay for the wedding ourselves, and I told her no problem, if thats what it takes for us to get the wedding we want, how we want it, fine. She then hung up on me. I called her the next day to try and compromise, I explained in greater detail why we want it small and why we need to offer the guests food. So, I think she relinquished control. I think she's still mad at me for wreching control of my life away from her.

But I also think my dad might have talked to her and told her arguing with Amy won't make it go away, she'll find a way to pay for it or something like that. He knows how stubborn I can be.

neebelung · #19 04-02-2007, 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joes_babygirl

She said we could pay for the wedding ourselves, and I told her no problem, if thats what it takes for us to get the wedding we want, how we want it, fine.

Good for you!

happynicky28 · #20 04-18-2007, 12:38 AM

Pretty much all of our fights have been over money for this wedding. We had a budget to start with but have gone over the budget and it has definitley caused some heated arguements between the two of us. It has helped however that both sides of parents have contributed money towards our wedding. But I still keep coming us with ideas and things I want to be included in the wedding and they all cost money.

555Ann555 · #21 04-18-2007, 09:56 PM

We fought a bit over both of our families, but that tends to be a bit of a sore point for both of us anyway!

(in this case it was both sides having high expectations that didn't really match what Mo & I wanted).

Other than that we had a bit of disagreement over the reception venue & the entertainment. I was OK with having a DJ to save a bit of money, Mo really wanted a live band. In the end we paid about $1400 for a band who only played for 2 1/2 hours

I was not a happy bunny with that band

Um... I'm trying to think what else cause issues... I guess nothing big or I'd remember it now!

Well, Mo didn't see the point in spending the fortune that we spent on the wedding photography, but that wasn't up for discussion as far as I was concerned. It was the only thing I really had my heart set on.

Actually, there was a bit of a row about the kilts, I wanted the silver buttoned ones that cost a bit more because I'd seen photos of the black kilts with black buttons and they looked smart enough, but you couldn't see the smart detailing. I'm glad I stood my ground with that too because the boys were all very handsome in their kilts and you can see the details in the photos

ljeagle · #22 04-18-2007, 11:10 PM

I think our big problem was the wedding photography and how much I spent on it. He hates having his picture taken but I won and he did really good till we was heading down stairs to the reception and he said no more pictures. I just smiled and said it's almost over!

We had one fight over the unity candle and at the last min I let him win on that one. I already had it and it was to nice not to use so I just had our parents light it at the reception. It was going to happen after we arrived but some how it got done b-4 we was there. So I'm not sure how it happen!

The wedding I'm doing on sat. the couple is so funny. They have been great but they had a problem with what color over lays they wanted. finally I just had to tell them I'm doing them half and half and that was the end of it.