Help me be tactful please! :) - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

BJC777SRL · #1 02-27-2007, 10:03 PM

Ok, my friend Nicole is getting married on April 28th, and she's asked me to be a bridesmaid.
Originally she was talking about us (there'll just be me and MOH) wearing this dress from DB
http://davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_...=12837&cfid=26
Which I love, and wouldn't mind spending $110 cause I'll probably wear that again at some point.
Now, she's just messaged me on myspace that she wants us to wear these:
http://davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_...=14319&cfid=26

To be honest, I don't really like it, probably won't wear it again, dresses that cut straight across on the neckline like that don't really work well on me, AND it's $20 more than the other one.

Sometime soon we'll be going in to get me measured and ordered (MOH lives in Missouri)

Is there any tactful or etiquitte-friendly way to go here? Or do I have to buy a dress I don't like

ljeagle · #2 02-27-2007, 10:09 PM

What dress are you talking about in the second picture the one with flowers or the other one that really looks like the same dress you posted just a different shade.

ladedah · #3 02-27-2007, 10:11 PM

I hate to say but you really just have to buy a dress you don't like.

You could ask her "Why the switch?"....maybe she has a good reason....maybe she'll open it up to ask you if you like the other one better...but it doesn't really sound as if she wants your opinion...so, sorry...

BJC777SRL · #4 02-27-2007, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ljeagle

What dress are you talking about in the second picture the one with flowers or the other one that really looks like the same dress you posted just a different shade.

*sigh*
The one with flowers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladedah

I hate to say but you really just have to buy a dress you don't like.

That's what I was afraid of.

Maybe I'll like it when I try it on.

Julz518 · #5 02-27-2007, 10:36 PM

I know ettiquette says that the bride should get what she wants, but I just can't imagine that she would be offended by your input. I assume if you are in her wedding (esp. since there are only two of you), then you are really good friends. So if I were you, I would just let her know that you like the other one better. Don't tell her you hate the one she decided on, but maybe just comment that you REALLY liked the first one. If she changed her mind once already, then she probably isn't all THAT invested in the second dress.

I know for my wedding, my bridesmaids comfort with the dress is my top priority, even though they all keep saying "it's your wedding, I'll wear what you want me to." If I picked a dress that they didn't like, I would WANT to know. I would be CRUSHED if I found out at a later date that they wasted money on the dress! If I felt strongly about a particular dress, then I would feel obligated to help thempay for it.

However, I've also been in a few weddings where I had NO say in the dress... but I was also living 500 miles away from the brides whose weddings I was in (and one of those brides paid for half the dress). I think if your friend is emailing you pics of the dress, she is inviting your input and you should give it to her.

Good Luck!

BJC777SRL · #6 02-27-2007, 10:54 PM

Thanks I needed to hear that

I think what I might do is bring it up when we actually go to DB...

Marge129 · #7 02-27-2007, 11:14 PM

My friend picked out a dress for her wedding that I'm not thrilled with. BUT, I'm wearing it anyway. I figure it's her wedding and I can do anything for her.

Besides... she had no say in the dress she wore for my wedding!

michaelsbride · #8 02-27-2007, 11:38 PM

and if you really don't like it, you can come to "who-hates-your-bridesmaids-dress" party. I think so far its Sparklesweetie, Margie, and i!

BJC777SRL · #9 02-28-2007, 12:18 AM

Why thank you for the invite!

sparklesweetie · #10 02-28-2007, 12:20 AM

Yeah, I am stuck in the same situation. I detest my dress with a passion, but I have to just suck it up and pay for it.

On a side note, I've not actually spoken to her about the dress...she knew I didn't like it beforehand. She hasn't brought it up since and I haven't etiher, mostly 'cause I would flat out tell her I don't like this dress and it looks like shit on me and I'm hurt and disappointed that you couldn't give me the same treatment for your wedding that I did for you in mine. (Wow, long run-on there.

)

Good luck on whatever you decide to do!!!

BJC777SRL · #11 02-28-2007, 12:29 AM

See now, she doesn't have a clue I don't like it...she just told me this today and her reasoning was that she thought we could wear it again more easily than the other styles or something...

Kim&Bob2004 · #12 02-28-2007, 01:19 AM

I would maybe tell her then that you don't think it would work as well. If that really is her true feelings.

But I hate to say it, what the bride wants, the bride should get (within reason of course!

). Bright side, you might try it on and LOVE it!

BJC777SRL · #13 02-28-2007, 02:13 AM

One can only hope!

birdie · #14 02-28-2007, 03:06 AM

I think both dresses are really cute but ug, bubble hems (on the flowered dress). It takes me back to 5th grade!

I would definitely talk to her about it. What about the MOH? Have you talked to her about it? Maybe if she likes the flowered one, she could wear that one. I think they go very well together and would look great in the photos!

soulsearcher1968 · #15 02-28-2007, 04:59 AM

I agree with birdie. You could actually wear both dresses and pull it off. I would just feel out the bride. Softly suggest something to that point.

I think it is cute when the brides maids wear dresses that match in color in some way, but are never identical.

I wouldnt know what to do, BUT, i just couldnt pull off the floral dress. Not with my body type.

BJC777SRL · #16 02-28-2007, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by birdie

I think both dresses are really cute but ug, bubble hems (on the flowered dress). It takes me back to 5th grade!

I would definitely talk to her about it. What about the MOH? Have you talked to her about it? Maybe if she likes the flowered one, she could wear that one. I think they go very well together and would look great in the photos!

MOH is in India, and the bride can't even contact her until she's back in the states, and she also doesn't know when that'll be

TheaterDiva1 · #17 02-28-2007, 05:18 PM

I would also think if it's just you two, she may be okay with you wearing similar styles in the same color so you still look coordinated, but not necessarily the exact same dress. Suggest that and see what she says. She may still have final say, but at least it will be with your input, so everyone wins.

bm4ever · #18 02-28-2007, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julz518

I know for my wedding, my bridesmaids comfort with the dress is my top priority, even though they all keep saying "it's your wedding, I'll wear what you want me to." If I picked a dress that they didn't like, I would WANT to know. I would be CRUSHED if I found out at a later date that they wasted money on the dress! If I felt strongly about a particular dress, then I would feel obligated to help thempay for it.

Ditto - same thing with me. I had pictures of 12-15 dresses that a few local BM's tried on when we went shopping. I emailed them to each of them with my Top 3 and said, LET ME KNOW! That way, I was letting them make the decision. As the bride, comfort for my girls was first, followed by liking it and price. Good luck!

BJC777SRL · #19 02-28-2007, 05:44 PM

Yeah I've been the same way with my BMs. At first I thought tea length, and something with straps or a halter so they'd all be comfy, the reception will be outdoors in so cal in July so...yeah. But they all really loved this floor length number with pickups that's strapless!

So I was completely ok with that, and it matches my dress better LOL