How are you handling a difficult officiant? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Sharon Naylor · #1 02-17-2007, 04:45 PM

Is your officiant giving you a hard time about marrying in the house of worship you want? Is your officiant giving you a hard time about personalizing your vows?

I'm hearing a LOT of stories like this, so I thought I'd open up the topic in case anyone would like some advice...or just to vent!

peckmiranda · #2 02-17-2007, 05:45 PM

My officiant has a set ceremony, and doesn't deviate from it. I asked for a more relaxed ceremony, and he looked at me like I was crazy! He even said if we wanted to write our own vows, to do it now because he had to approve them and it usually took quite a few tries before he'd approve them.

Unfortunately, I can't do anything about it because it is VERY important to my family that I be married by this man.

Complicated Woman · #3 02-17-2007, 08:51 PM

Miranda, ask if you can read "statements of commitment" (read: your own vows) separate from the official vows. With a religious ceremony, it can be difficult to alter the vows because they need to include certain elements, depending on the church. But, most Protestant churches will let you add something personal like that. Good luck!

AshNJam07 · #4 02-18-2007, 01:08 AM

I agree with ComplicatedWoman, you should check that out!

michaelsbride · #5 02-18-2007, 01:14 AM

Our officiant was an extremely busy man. There was a period of time that we didnt hear from him for months and his email box was full and he didnt return calls. Turns out he had been sent to Iraq for gov't business (among other things, he works at the Pentagon).

When we actually got out to San Diego (after our repeated faxes didn't work) we tried to meet up with him at his studio. That never worked. It got to the point that we said if we didn't hear from him by the Tuesday before the wedding, we'd find someone else. We heard from him a couple hours after we decided that.

Bottomline, we really wanted this man to marry us and we were willing to wait until the very last minute. If we would have been forced to find someone else, that person would have been aware that they were a backup and if Dr. Wilson showed up, he would be officiating. We trusted this person with a very important role in our wedding and we knew he'd come through if he could. (Which he did and i couldnt have imagine anyone else doing as profound job as he did.)