Help Maid of honor troubles - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

seansgirl · #1 02-16-2007, 12:33 AM

I am getting married on May 26th 2007. My Maid of Honor and only attendant announced her pregnancy soon after I asked her to be my Maid of Honor. Since then I have had to deal with her horrible mood swings, her bad attitutde about finding a dress for her and in general everything. I live in a very small community of only 1300. I only moved here a couple of years ago and have gone seperate ways from a lot of my old friends. Can I ask her to step down from this position now, and if so how???
HELP!! Desperate!

Leslee&Jake · #2 02-16-2007, 12:35 AM

You can do whatever you want. I would ask her if she really wants to be in the wedding.

Welcome and Congratulations! We all love to hear details and see pictures!!!

seansgirl · #3 02-16-2007, 12:38 AM

Thanks, I don't know how that will go though I have never seen anyone more off balance during a pregnancy. It is quite sad I thought she'd be a little more supportive.

Leslee&Jake · #4 02-16-2007, 12:45 AM

Yea I understand. I hope for you she wises up and starts to be nice!!!

Heather · #5 02-16-2007, 12:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seansgirl

Since then I have had to deal with her horrible mood swings, her bad attitutde about finding a dress for her and in general everything.

Ironic. This is what most Maid of Honors have to deal with in a bride!

I can understand your frustration, but this is a much more stressful and hectic time in her life, and you need to be just as supportive if not more so. She's having a baby...

If you really don't want her in the wedding any longer, then ask her (in a very nice way, maybe take her out to lunch - your treat) if she would be more comfortable stepping down because it's a lot on HER plate.

Good luck, and welcome to Pash.

seansgirl · #6 02-16-2007, 01:04 AM

Thanks, Heather
I don't want to come across insensitive to her. I am very happy for her, but even before the pregnancy it has always been about her. I bought her a dress that I thought would great on her but of course it is the wrong color and size,and non-returnable since I bought out of the country. She now wants me to have one made for her since she'll only be able to wear it the once. She is over sensitive and thinks everyone in our small community has it out for her, she was supposed to be a maid of honor down east last year and she was dismised from her duties there. I don't know any details of the goings on but maybe I have an idea. I really am frustrated though. I can't keep putting out more expenses to make her happy, and I can't have all this negativity.

DavidsWife · #7 02-16-2007, 01:40 AM

Hey SG! Welcome!!!!

My MOH/BM did the same to me on the 9th!!! I was very shocked!!!

She is fantastic and we just found out she's having a baby! I guess my reasoning is different, She hasn't given me any reason at all to ask her to step down!

I have decided to ask her to not be a part of the wedding party because she is due just 10short days after the wedding! And from what we have been told babies are VERY unpredictable!

Heather Gave me somewhat similar advice (good advice it is) Just be there for your friend, and support her! If you feel asking her to step down is something you want then release her of the "role". Maybe she is ascting out because she doesn't know how to tell you she is feeling overwhelmed!

I know Amber (my MOH/BM) has enough on her plate worrying about the baby and financial stress of someone else, she defiantley doesn't need the stress of buying a dress and to feel she needs to be with me through all m planning!!! It's great just knowing she is there at the end of the day to sit and have coffee with and call her my bestfriend!!!

I hope that helps!!!

Jayme

BJC777SRL · #8 02-16-2007, 01:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seansgirl

She now wants me to have one made for her since she'll only be able to wear it the once.

Usually I think the MOH pays for her own dress.

So if it wouldn't bug you, you can tell her go have a dress made for you, but it has to be in a certain color.

Heather · #9 02-16-2007, 01:54 AM

You are already being really generous by paying for her dress... It sounds like she has a lot more issues than just being pregnant. I mean, that's enough to deal with but it sounds to me like there's a little paranoia and hormones thrown in, lol.

If she's already been dismissed as a MOH, I wouldn't approach her in a manner where you're asking her to step down. I would take her out to lunch (can you tell I love food?) and let her know that as much as you appreciate her time and energy, you can't financially buy her another dress. You could gently explain that it's her responsibility and since she's very worried about style and fit, it would be best if she picked out a few she likes and then you can decide together what to wear. If she argues with this and gives you a hard time, I would then ask her if she would be more comfortable stepping down. She can still be with you every step of the way (and you for her), but it would alleviate her responsibility - and YOUR stress over her.

One of us will be happy to join you as your MOH.

We love weddings, lol.

I don't think I said welcome yet, so Welcome to Pash and congratulations on your engagement.

DavidsWife · #10 02-16-2007, 01:54 AM

Yeah, Bree has a point!

If Amber were to be in the wedding she would need her dress to be made! And she said she would be paying for it!

But that posed a problem for my other BM, they need to be the same colors so then they would both need to be made. That can become pricey!

DavidsWife · #11 02-16-2007, 01:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

One of us will be happy to join you as your MOH.

We love weddings, lol.

This is true!!!LOL

seansgirl · #12 02-16-2007, 03:27 AM

Thanks you guys are great and you even made me laugh. I needed that!

justnmary · #13 02-16-2007, 03:13 PM

Ok, believe it or not, I'm with the bride on this one! Being I'm prego I know mood swings are a big part of it but give me a break....can she not be happy for the bride and accomodate her? If the bride is willing to pay for the dress prego should shut up about it. Most bridesmaids and MOH's pay for their own dress and they only wear it once also! So prego needs to get over herself.

feb-bride · #14 02-16-2007, 03:37 PM

Any woman who blames her rude behavior on being pregnant is just using the pregnancy as a copout. I've had three kids, and I *never* treated people horribly while I was pregnant with each of my kids.

BJC777SRL · #15 02-16-2007, 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justnmary

If the bride is willing to pay for the dress prego should shut up about it. Most bridesmaids and MOH's pay for their own dress and they only wear it once also! So prego needs to get over herself.

THAT IS FABULOUS.

TheaterDiva1 · #16 02-16-2007, 05:55 PM

I wouldn't necessarily ask her to step down, but maybe she's looking for a way out. I would tell her if she's not comfortable doing it in her condition, you understand if she needs to step down - but let that be her choice.

Than again, you said she's been "fired" as MOH before? For what, dare I ask?

Kim&Bob2004 · #17 02-16-2007, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feb-bride

Any woman who blames her rude behavior on being pregnant is just using the pregnancy as a copout. I've had three kids, and I *never* treated people horribly while I was pregnant with each of my kids.

I can feel your pain, less than 5 weeks before our wedding a BM decided she didn't want to wear what everyone else was wearing, that she also wanted to wear a French hat (what are the called) with feathers and what not in her hair and I said, I will not have a clown in my wedding. She didn't think that I as the bride should have a say over what was worn. Most of my bridal party were not rich so we made Scottish skirts and sashes for each one and the wore flowers in their hair and carried baskets of flowers and this one BM thought she could tell me now. Needless to say I told her she was not in my wedding. I know it was a bridezilla moment but.... Anyway the moral. if she is gonna be a you know what, tell her to go you know where......... It sounds like she has some problems she needs to deal with, and no one else can deal with them for her.

Leslee&Jake · #18 02-16-2007, 08:02 PM

Kim, I dont think you could ever be a bridezilla!!

I really agree that she might choose to step down.

justnmary · #19 02-16-2007, 08:05 PM

I think there's more going on like Kim said......maybe she's not happy about this pregnancy and she's taking it out on everyone else?

feb-bride · #20 02-16-2007, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kim&Bob2004

I can feel your pain, less than 5 weeks before our wedding a BM decided she didn't want to wear what everyone else was wearing, that she also wanted to wear a French hat (what are the called) with feathers and what not in her hair and I said, I will not have a clown in my wedding.

Warn me next time; I was drinking soda and almost spit it out on my computer screen when I read this!

Yelycrazygirl · #21 02-16-2007, 08:39 PM

I think Heather gave you great advice....

Welcome to Pash....

seansgirl · #22 02-17-2007, 03:16 AM

Okay great news!!! She went and bought a dress today!!! I haven't seen it however she said that it was the color I was looking for. I was very happy it sounds like she is coming around and the attitude is showing some improvement. Then the phone rang and she requested I reoder the flowers in order for her to have a larger bouquet to hide her baby belly!!! WHAT!!! Ya okay, have a bigger bouquet than me??? OMG I hope she will embrace and welcome this pregnancy soon. I am very thankful she found a dress that she'll be happy to wear.
So with that looked after I am having a moment of happieness. May 26th is the big day. I will be in ivory and she'll be in sage green, my daughter (my jr bridesmaid) will be in ivory as well as 3 flower girls. My FH and I are avid golfers so the ivory with the sage green and hopefully fresh cut lilacs on the tables and white lights in the trees will be a lovely setting we are getting married at 7:00PM with the reception immediatly following. We have decided to scatter the natural wood golf tees on the tables at the reception and like I was saying I am having a moment.
I certainly appreciate everyone of you who took time to share your ideas. I have never been on a forum before and am happy to get some ideas and support from others.
Thanks.

justnmary · #23 02-17-2007, 03:04 PM

Glad to hear she's coming around, but flowers are expensive and I'm not sure I'd be so cooperative with her on the flowers. My bouquet alone was over $300.....each of the girls I had stand up were $100......don't give in just to make her happy.....good luck.

DragonYoga · #24 02-21-2007, 02:49 PM

OR, pay for the size bouquet that you prefer, but make it clear if she wants more, she has to cough up the rest - and watch her squirm.

OR play nice and put your foot down - no one gets to outshine the bride!