Gifts for Parents - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Jennifer · #1 12-14-2005, 07:09 PM

I know traditionally the bride and groom buy their parents gifts to give them at the rehearsal dinner, just as a way to say "Hey, thanks for paying for this wedding" However, I am paying for my part of the wedding...so can I eliminate buying my parents a gift? My dad hasn't had ANY part of it and my mom really hasn't helped me plan much either. FH parents have paid for the "groom's part" so I wouldn't mind getting them a gift.

Also, what did you or will you give your groom for your wedding gift to him?

Marge129 · #2 12-14-2005, 07:12 PM

The only parent we got a gift for was my Mom. She payed for the majority of the wedding and we were living with her at the time. You don't HAVE to get any of your parents gifts. I don't even think any of the other parents in my situation knew I got my Mom anything.

As for presents for your FH... I dunno. My ex and I didn't exchange presents before getting married.

Jennifer · #3 12-14-2005, 07:15 PM

My ex got me a pearl necklace and pearl and diamond earrings...which I rarely wore. I bought FH a pair of shoes. He really really really needs them...but I'm worried that it isn't wedding-ish enough.

I think we will give his parents their gift when we are all alone. Or take them to dinner to thank them.

Cirig · #4 12-14-2005, 07:23 PM

Although my parents are paying for my wedding, I plan on getting FH's dad something (has no mom) small. I think just b/c everyone will be there getting gifts, and he should have something to open too. My parents will probably get something small to open with everyone, and then something bigger in private. (So as not to make FH's dad uncomfortable)

I think it would be a nice gesture to get something small for them at least. They are paying for some of the wedding right?

ladedah · #5 12-14-2005, 07:25 PM

I think that you should do whatever feels comfortable in this situation. Mine and my FH's parents are taking care of our wedding for the traditional things they are expected to pay for...however, we are not giving them a gift merely as thanks for what they've helped with the wedding but as thanks for helping us get this far in life...I mean after all I never gave them a thank you gift for putting me through college...Anyways, for gifts we got silver picture frames that we had our wedding date engraved on so they will have it to put a wedding picture in.

As for FH and I, we agreed not to get each other anything...our honeymoon is kind of like our gift to each other.

Jennifer · #6 12-14-2005, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cirig

I think it would be a nice gesture to get something small for them at least. They are paying for some of the wedding right?

My parents aren't. My dad wouldn't even help pay for part of the food for the engagement party. He told my brothers I didn't need a party.

ladedah · #7 12-14-2005, 07:29 PM

Can I just say I just read my post and I cannot believe I said our parents are paying for what they are expected to pay for...I meant for it to be what the bride and grooms parents traditionally pay for...I would never "expect" that from anyone and I can't beleive I made the comment about my own parents

Much apologies, Mom and Dad.

doodlebug1981 · #8 12-14-2005, 07:30 PM

Presents to your parents aren't only to thank them for paying for the wedding, if they do. They are also a way of thanking your parents for all that they have done for you as you grew up. I don't know your situation. You are starting a new chapter in your life away from them and they might appreciate a small token to remember this day, whether they paid for it or not.

feb-bride · #9 12-14-2005, 07:30 PM

My dad/step-mom financed a chunk of my wedding; my mom did not contribute financially, and my ILs contributed a tiny amount to the wedding. We bought gifts for ALL parents. After all, if it weren't for parents, you wouldn't be alive.

Now, if I had not been on speaking terms with my parents, I wouldn't have gotten them anything.

Gift for my husband? I didn't get him anything because I financed over half of the wedding out of my own pocket; the wedding was his gift. He gave me a necklace and a little plaque.

Heather · #10 12-14-2005, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doodlebug1981

Presents to your parents aren't only to thank them for paying for the wedding, if they do. They are also a way of thanking your parents for all that they have done for you as you grew up. I don't know your situation. You are starting a new chapter in your life away from them and they might appreciate a small token to remember this day, whether they paid for it or not.

Ditto.

Mike and I paid for everything ourselves, and his parents & my Mom gave us engagement gifts (money) to do with as we please. Together the amount totaled just under 3K, and our wedding was between 25K. & 30K. We purchased gifts for all of them and spent about the same amount on each. I wanted to thank them for raising such an amazing man, and he the same with my Mom. I don't think it *should* have anything to do with how much they're willing to contribute to your wedding.

Mike and I didn't exchange wedding gifts - we were going to, with a $350.00 limit, but decided to put that toward the honeymoon instead.

Lade, thanks for clearing that up, I was ready to say something, lol. I can't tell you how much it grates on me to hear people say that their parents are expected to pay, or have to pay for their child's wedding. They should count their blessings for even having parents.

feb-bride · #11 12-14-2005, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

Lade, thanks for clearing that up, I was ready to say something, lol. I can't tell you how much it grates on me to hear people say that their parents are expected to pay, or have to pay for their child's wedding. They should count their blessings for even having parents.

No kidding. My mom wasn't in a position to help us with the wedding, but she was an AMAZING mom for me growing up. Should I have punished her by not giving her a gift just because she didn't have the cash to help out?

Marge129 · #12 12-14-2005, 08:16 PM

hehehe... you wanna know how my Mom paid for my wedding? She cashed a $10,000 savings bond that she got from her ex in the divorce. Her theory was that my sister and I "suffered" through her supporting him for so long and it was about time he suffered and we got exactly what we wanted. She has another bond ready for whenever my sister gets married (which... we're hoping her BF will propose for CHristmas this year!)

CupieJen · #13 12-14-2005, 08:33 PM

Both sets of our parents paid pretty equal amounts towards the wedding, so we got each set a picture frame with a note saying that we'd buy them a photo (of their choice) from the photographer to put in it.

I gave DH a watch (which he rarely wears, but it's more dressy) and he gave me lots of gifts; on our wedding day he gave me a locket that i've worn every day since, and well, he planned the entire honeymoon and also gave me a present (or 2, or 3!) each day of the 'moon

SuzyBride · #14 12-14-2005, 08:39 PM

I got all our parents gifts. They all helped pay for and just helped with wedding stuff.. well except FIL. I think he did wind up (unhappily) paying for half of MIL's expenses. This is only because she kept all reciepts and made copies for him and tallied up the grand total and wrote 'you owe me $xxx' I got them all personal gifts and hankies with initials. I really didn't get them something because they did or didn't help with the wedding, I got them stuff because they are our parents and they have been supportive.

Jennifer · #15 12-14-2005, 08:48 PM

For the record:

Please don't think I'm mad about footing the bill for my wedding. I know it is no one's responsiblity but my own. It was just a question I had b/c FH and I are really strapped for cash and can't really afford gifts for parents and step-parents.

gymrat · #16 12-14-2005, 08:54 PM

We never got our parents gifts and we paid 1/3 and each set of parents paid 1/3.

TheaterDiva1 · #17 12-14-2005, 09:17 PM

Even if you parents didn't actually pay for anything, they still paid through love and support, right? IMO, that still warrant's a gift.

As for the groom... DH cheated! We promised each other no gifts because we were already spending so much money (my parents paid for the wedding, but we still had to pay for the honeymoon), and stupid me actually listened. The morning of, my MOH gave me a pearl bracelet from DH.

Cirig · #18 12-14-2005, 09:23 PM

Jennifer- I didn't think you were mad b/c they aren't paying, and I doubt anyone else did either.

I think it's totally up to you. Seems like everyone has a different take on what the gifts are for. Personally- I just am SO greatful that my parents are giving me this wedding, that I can't imagine not giving the gift. They are great parents, and I try to let them know that as often as possible.

FH's father is awesome too. I'm sure if he were in the position to help us with the wedding he would have, but he's not and that's ok.
He's the kind of guy who would give you the last lick of your ice cream cone. So he's getting a gift b/c he's loved.

Jennifer · #19 12-14-2005, 09:28 PM

I just don't want to come off as selfish or bitter....I'm just broke

LOL

Heather · #20 12-14-2005, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer

For the record:

Please don't think I'm mad about footing the bill for my wedding. I know it is no one's responsiblity but my own. It was just a question I had b/c FH and I are really strapped for cash and can't really afford gifts for parents and step-parents.

I don't think this of you, or think that you're bitter or selfish. I think though, that if I were in your situation, I would give them at least a token gift. Cut down on the flowers or dress by $100 or so and give the parents & step-parents something... Just my

Jennifer · #21 12-14-2005, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

I don't think this of you, or think that you're bitter or selfish. I think though, that if I were in your situation, I would give them at least a token gift. Cut down on the flowers or dress by $100 or so and give the parents & step-parents something... Just my

If it wasn't already too late...I would cut back on a lot of stuff. But I see what you all are saying about it being more about thanking them for everything...and not the wedding.

Heather · #22 12-14-2005, 10:00 PM

You could even do picture frames ($5 to $10 each at Walmart) with a note saying a wedding pic will be coming soon. I think someone above mentioned that... I'm sure if you wanted - the ladies could come up with a ton of different suggestions that are extremely thrifty. None of us really know the relationship with everyone, so it's easier to give advice from our own standpoint.

Kim&Bob2004 · #23 12-15-2005, 02:45 AM

I do think a little something for your parents are in order. Like Heather said it doesn't have to be lavish. I honestly can't recall what we gave my mom (the only parent living). I do recall having flowers delivered to my fathers grave but some of those last days are a blur! LOL

I made Bob a stained glass panel of a tenor sax (I designed it too--from start to finish it took about 50 hrs I guess and cost about 100 dollars). He plays the tenor sax. It is in one of our living room windows. Bob gave me a digital camera.

Heather · #24 12-15-2005, 03:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kim&Bob2004

I made Bob a stained glass panel of a tenor sax (I designed it too--from start to finish it took about 50 hrs I guess and cost about 100 dollars). He plays the tenor sax. It is in one of our living room windows. Bob gave me a digital camera.

I love stained glass - do you do these often? On commission? Do you have a pic? Can I ask one more question in a row?

555Ann555 · #25 12-15-2005, 12:32 PM

We're giving our mums with bouquets at the reception, but that's fairly traditional over here... I may do the photo frame idea too.

Jennifer: I'd not feel very comfortable giving gifts to one parent without giving it to the rest so if you feel that is the right way to go in your circumstances I'd leave it for another time or maybe give it before the rehearsal dinner.