throwing a shower for a couple that already has everything

[lisalehan]

My sister is getting married and I am the matron of honor. I am starting to plan the shower and the problem is that my sister and her fiance have been living together for over a year so they have all the things that are "normally" put on a registry! I told her to register for her honeymoon and put a few things on a bridal registry that she knows she needs (i.e. towels, sheets) which is what she is going to do but I do not think there will be enough for all the guests, putting money down on the honeymoon is really what they need but I know a lot of woman will not want to come to the shower with a printed piece of paper saying how much they put in for their honeymoon as a gift! Should I write a little letter in the shower invitation explaining the situation so everyone knows that putting money down on her honeymoon is the way to go or is that dusgustingly rude???

Thank you so much for your help!

[Sharon Naylor]

According to etiquette, you really can't tell people what to get the bride and groom, so that note telling them the honeymoon registry is the way to go isn't going to work. People who subscribe to an old-world point of view see that as your 'telling them what to do,' even when you know that it's quite logical and helpful to the bride and groom to guide the guests to what they want.

But it's close to the solution....

Since it IS okay to include in shower invitations where the bride and groom are registered, you'll list the traditional registry first (and it was a great idea to suggest to the bride that she set that up for towels, etc.) and then you'll list the honeymoon registry -- and put a little star by it. On the back of the invitation, or on a cute printed slip of paper that you'll make and include in the invitation, you can write '(Bride and groom) have registered for some amazing things to make their honeymoon even more exciting and memorable: swimming with dolphins, a sunset dinner served to them on the beach, spa treatments, even a helicopter tour of the island!' Find out from the bride what they're registering for, and then provide just these descriptions. Not any instructions to get these things. That's very important. You're just giving some examples for those who may not know what a honeymoon registry is...some people think it's chipping in just for airfare and a hotel room. So your cute note actually HELPS the guests to get the couple something special.

Guests know when a bride and groom have everything they need, especially when they see only a handful of things on the traditional registry, and they're more likely to participate in a honeymoon registry when you list a few of the exciting events the couple will share. That's the way you do it.

And guests are used to going to bridal showers with gift cards in an envelope or wrapped in a pretty box, so don't worry about them not wanting to show up at the shower with just a slip of paper. I've found that most guests love participating in specialty registries, and they get really creative about how they present the gift. For instance, if they bought the couple a spa treatment, they'll include that certificate with a basket of massage oils or pampering products.

You're terrific to consider the bride and groom's wishes for the shower, and this solution should make it all a lot easier!