This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by jadurant on 3/27/05. Feel free to add your comments by pressing Post Reply.
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posted by jadurant
I'm a student at our local university writing a paper about 1)what role men play in wedding planning and 2)activities that would appeal to grooms/male wedding party members after the wedding at the destination wedding resort. Do any of you have information you can share?
Thanks!
Judi
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posted by syringa
As a wedding planner, I can tell you that today the groom and increasingly the father of the bride play a major role in the wedding planning. In about 75% of weddings that I plan, the bride and groom both attend most meetings with merchants. In the remaining 25% the bride and her mother or just the bride may attend some appointments. Choosing of the facilities for the ceremony and reception is a decision that is often made by the couple and one or both sets of parents.
At a wedding that occurred last week, the groom was the one who insisted on a church ceremony, not the bride. The bride's father, who is retired but her mother isn't, came from another state to help with the planning. He really enjoyed helping his daughter shop for her wedding gown.
I have another wedding coming up in Sept. where the bride and groom live out of state. The groom is the detail person, so he is the one who hired me and who I e-mail with about all of the appointments that they will have when they come to town next week. He makes the preliminary decisions and the bride either agrees or suggests something different. In most cases she agrees with him.
I had another wedding this past summer where the bride wanted to go to Vegas, but the groom wanted a wedding. He said that I was his coordinator, not hers, though she did come around and got involved in the wedding planning and she had a great time on the wedding day.
I always appreciate the in-put of the groom and of the parents. Its the groom's wedding too, so he should have a say in what occurs. When parents are involved, they tend to be more supportive of the couple. Only rarely have I had a parent who was involved with the planning and who tried to subvert the wishes of the bride and groom. More often, if a bride expects that, she doesn't include the parents in the planning.
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posted by jadurant
Thanks for the information! Do you have any pointers on what type of recreational activities men like to do once everything is over, besides the traditional honeymoon things?
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posted by HeatherR
Golf.
Heather
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posted by jadurant
That does seem to be pretty popular. I'm also finding out they like fishing and pretty much any water activities.
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posted by SuzyBride
My groom wants absolutely no part in the planning of the wedding. He says just tell him what time to show up. He does not care about flowers, decorations, tuxes, colors, location, reception food, etc. at all. I have tried to involve him some, as it is his day too, but he really has no opinions. He just tells me all he wants to do is marry me. However, I am from the south and most guys down here are all pretty much the same as far as wedding details go. My fiance did have opinions on the honeymoon though, we are going on a Carribean cruise!
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posted by syringa
Depending on where the couple will honeymoon and their personalities, for summer honeymoons they seem to enjoy golf, fishing, snorkling, bicycling, and hiking or walking. Winter weddings often involve skiing. In fact, I had a couple who got married in December on top of a ski mountain.
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posted by bebe0315
I have been really lucky that my FH has wanted to be involved in almost every aspect of the planning. He has done everything from going thru bridal magazines with me looking for pictures of things we like (flowers, BM dresses, colors) to hiring the DJ, and handmaking our favors and invitations. The only thing he hasn't been involved in is the selection of the bridal gown. I haven't even had to twist his arm! He has gone with me for every vendor appointment. After the wedding we are off for a Hawaiian cruise, and a couple of weeks before the wedding, for his 'bachelor party' he will go on a camping trip with his groomsmen. The day afer the wedding we will be heading into Incline Village with our remaining guests to watch football (YAY!) and gamble at the casinos.
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posted by suechick
Since my wedding isn't till 10-28-06, we haven't had to do TOO much, but Chris has been so active in most of it. He went to talk to the priest, he helped pick out the reception hall *after I narrowed it down to 3* and he's fully in charge of our wedding website since he's a computer guy!
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posted by Lizbet
The *after I narrowed it down to 3* has worked really well for me and my fiancee. In almost all aspects of the decision-making, I have done the initial determination, and when I got it down to my three favorites my fiancee has made th final decision. It works great for me, because by the time I get it down to the three I can never decide between them. My fiancee isn't good at the narrowing down of options, but if he only has three to choose from he makes a quick decision.
I am letting the honeymoon completely up to him, as well as the mens' tuxes.
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posted by feb-bride
My husband pretty much left everything up to me. The only thing he had opinions on were the tuxes (for him and our son; he didn't care what the rest of the men wore), the liquor served at the reception (specifically, he selected and purchased all of the champagne), the music, and the honeymoon. Beyond that, I was responsible for everything, and honestly I liked it that way.
When my sister got married, her husband planned the entire thing (they got married in an intimate ceremony in Lake Tahoe). All my sister had to do was get a dress and show up. She just wanted to elope because she's not into the whole "big wedding" thing, but he didn't want to elope because he'd done that before and he told her that he didn't "feel" married when the ceremony was over. They invited parents, siblings, and siblings' spouses and kids to the wedding.
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posted by munchkin
My FH is involved in pretty much everything. I picked the colours(black, blue and silver aren't too girly) which he also liked. We are choosing the ceremony and reception sites together. I will be choosing the dresses and probably the flowers. We will both be picking tuxes, as one of my attendants is a guy. Everything else will be a joint effort. Luckily he is pretty excited about it.
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posted by jadurant
Great information from all! There seem to be a lot of future husband's who like to be involved in not only the wedding planning but in what's done afterwards. It appears guys don't just want to be passive. Do any of think it's because they're waiting longer to get married? Or what?
What Grooms Want to Do
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