Cash gifts - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

tyrynn28 · #1 01-31-2007, 02:06 PM

Me and my fiancee moved in together about 6 months ago. And since we have tons of stuff (and we are trying to get rid of a lot still

), we didn't register for gifts anywhere. What we want really is cash gifts instead of regular gifts so we can pay our wedding expenses and probably money towards honeymoon...the problem is we really don't know how to say it to our guests.

We are printing our invitation next week and we don't know how to word it in our invitation and on our web site. We don't want to be rude with our guests but we didn't want to receive regular gifts that we might not even use and end up just giving it away. Any ideas out there...please?

Cirig · #2 01-31-2007, 02:19 PM

Don't ever put anything on your invite- or anywhere in writing for the matter- about gifts. It is VERY tacky.

ETA- word of mouth. Tell your mom, cousin, aunt- whomever has the biggest mouth.

DavidsWife · #3 01-31-2007, 02:24 PM

I think word of mouth is definatley the better way to go!!!

wynelle · #4 01-31-2007, 02:32 PM

Never mention gifts in an invitation. Don't mention that you want cash, or gift cards or ceremic pink elephants. Don't put registry information on your invitation. Never ever make the assumption that your guests are going to give you a gift. Giving a gift is the perogative of the guest, no matter what we say about the "gift obligation." And to be honest, a lot of people have 'something special' in their minds as to what they want to give you, so be prepared to go return a lot of picture frames and vases.

If you prefer money gifts, then the [b]only[b] way to do it is to have your immediate family answer the question "What do they want for their wedding?" with "Well, they are furnishing their house and would really appreciate cash or gift cards.

Now, most important---don't spend any more money on the wedding than you can with the money/resources you currently have on hand. Don't anticipate paying for your honeymoon with wedding cash gifts. You will end up with unanticipated debt. Members of this board have report receiving as little as $100 in cash gifts, and some as much as several thousands of dollars, you just can't be sure.

SerendipityCrafts · #5 01-31-2007, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wynelle

Don't anticipate paying for your honeymoon with wedding cash gifts.

I'd like to add to this to say that even if you do spread the word, you shouldn't really expect to receive anything. A gift is something that is given volutarily & without obligation.

Now, we are aware that most everyone will give a gift but still, receiving a gift of any kind, should not be taken for granted.

tyrynn28 · #6 01-31-2007, 03:23 PM

We really are not expecting gifts (didn't mean to sound that we are waiting...we are not)...we just do not know how to handle when people are asking what do we want or where are you registered...and we really don't know what to say sometimes.

How do you handle that?

Cirig · #7 01-31-2007, 03:26 PM

If someone asks you- thats a different story. Then you should probably tell them something like "We really don't need very much for the house right now, we're trying to save some money for a honeymoon"

Just don't put it in the invite

AshyBekka · #8 01-31-2007, 03:27 PM

You could always let people know you're still figuring out what you need. Surely there's something you can register for-I know a lot of our guests just automatically started searching some of the major stores in our area looking for our registry.

As for wanting to pay wedding expenses and for your honeymoon-don't spend what you don't have! Any cash we received as a gift was put into a money market account for us to use later for something important. Either way though, counting on your guests to pay for your wedding? It's essentially like asking them to pay for their plate outright!

feb-bride · #9 01-31-2007, 03:40 PM

The only way you can let guests know that you want cash is by word of mouth. In addition, I would not actually say "show me the money" - what I would say (or have someone else say) is that you don't really need any material gifts; you're saving money to XX (buy a house, go on a honeymoon, whatever).

I really hope you're not counting on monetary gifts to pay off the wedding or to use for the honeymoon (you did say this in your first post). You should NEVER do this. I've heard stories of brides/grooms frantically ripping open envelopes, hoping for enough cash to pay for a wedding item or for the honeymoon. When I got married, we planned the wedding/reception/honeymoon we could afford, even if we didn't receive one single cash gift.

Even if you have all of the household items that you need, I strongly suggest that you at least register for a few things (e.g., if you like outdoor activities, register at REI). When one of my cousins got married, she and her husband didn't register for anything because they had been living together for a couple of years and all of their stuff was still in really good condition. She even had her parents and the bridesmaids telling people (when they asked) that the bride and groom were saving up to buy a house. She did get some cash, but they also got a LOT of gifts that they had absolutely no use for. Most of the gifts did NOT have gift receipts, and there were several gifts that they couldn't even figure out where they'd been purchased. They spent almost a week returning things, and they had to give away several gifts that I'm sure were expensive.

The point is, not everyone gives cash, even if they know that is what the bride/groom are hoping to receive. It's the gift-giver's right to choose the gift that they want to give.

Heather · #10 01-31-2007, 03:48 PM

Ditto to Feb & Wynelle.

tyrynn28 · #11 01-31-2007, 03:54 PM

Ok. Thanks for all the advice. We will not put anything on the invite. Thank you!

feb-bride · #12 01-31-2007, 04:00 PM

You are welcome.