This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by no1weddingplanner on 9/11/05. Feel free to add your comments by pressing Post Reply.
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posted by no1weddingplanner
I have been reading that it is not proper wedding etiquette to send info about your gift registry with your invitations (although I have seen it done several times before). How do you let people know where you are registered then? (the article that I read said to send it through word of mouth). Any better ideas?
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posted by syringa
Word of mouth, or verbally telling guests when they inquire, is the only accepted method for the bride and groom to share registry information. In many areas, it is considered acceptable for a shower hostess to include registry information in a shower invitation, since she is not the bride. In other areas, even including the information in a shower invitation is considered rude.
The bride can tell the parents and the bridesmaids where she is registered and they can help spread the word when asked. The same goes when a couple wants money instead of gifts. They should not tell their guests of their desire in writing, but only verbally when asked.
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posted by e-star
Well for me, it was impractical to have my parents or FH's parents to spread the word as they wouldn't have methods to contact our friends plus the language barrier on my side of the family. I sometimes think the advice on bridal registries is outdated - most friends wouldn't know how to get in touch with each other's parents and vice versa. Plus the trend I have seen is to include registry info. with wedding invites (esp. if you have overseas guests that are hard to get in touch with)- almost all the invites I have received in the past 2-3 years have included registry info. I think times are a-changing, people are scattering across the world and some of the traditional etiquette seems to reflect a mentality/bygone time when everyone stayed put and the entire village knew each other.
FH and I didn't include registry info in our invites but waited until our friends started phoning and e-mailing asking if we were registered and where. At which point we sent out a blanket e-mail to our friends saying "As a few of you have been asking for registry info...." and that seemed to work.
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posted by labeadel
I agree with the old etiquette that says that registry info should not be included with the wedding invitation. Word of mouth is the only way to go. Guests will ask, if they are interested. Otherwise, people generally know where to look, IMO. We've been invited to a few wedding in the past few years where I really hadn't been told where the B&G were registered, but I looked online at the obvious stores, and found where they were registered. Nowadays, it's not hard to find with the internet. Plus, a few sites like weddingchannel.com will find them for you if you just put in the bride or groom's name.
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posted by cru5h
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I sometimes think the advice on bridal registries is outdated - most friends wouldn't know how to get in touch with each other's parents and vice versa. Plus the trend I have seen is to include registry info. with wedding invites (esp. if you have overseas guests that are hard to get in touch with)...
I think times are a-changing, people are scattering across the world and some of the traditional etiquette seems to reflect a mentality/bygone time when everyone stayed put and the entire village knew each other.
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Amen.
I don't know whether or not I'll be sending registry information in my invitations, but I certainly would not be turned off if I received an invitation including a registry card. If what you really want is gifts, then include it. I'd really like money, but I don't have the stones to ask for it so I will probably not include the registry info in the hope that my relatives would rather not be bothered with going to the store. But that's me.
I hate traditions that don't make sense to me. I don't care if I appear to have my hand out. It's my wedding day, and people bring gifts to weddings, point blank. No they don't have to, and I wouldn't care if they showed up emptyhanded either. But let's be realistic. It's a rare occasion that you'd go to a wedding without having bought a gift or brought money. I say, if you want to include a registry card - do it. Or you could only include them for out-of-country guests and 30 y/o's and younger. I think our generation is wish list and registry savvy enough.
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posted by Marrying the Good Husband
Cru5h, mentioning the money just made me think--How rude would it be to set up direct deposit and give your bank's routing number as your registry!?!?
JUST KIDDING!!! I wonder if anyone has every had the nerve to do something like THAT?!?!?
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posted by TheaterDiva1
That can backfire... someone can use that information to embezzle money out of the account.
-Maggie
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posted by TheaterDiva1
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I have been reading that it is not proper wedding etiquette to send info about your gift registry with your invitations (although I have seen it done several times before). How do you let people know where you are registered then? (the article that I read said to send it through word of mouth). Any better ideas?
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It should be word of mouth (don't worry - people WILL ask). Also, if you reguster at a majoe department store, people may poke around and find it on their own (looking up registries at different stores and eventually stumbling on yours).
-Maggie
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posted by NovemberGal
We're not including registry info in the invites (which damn well better get out tomorrow!!! Not that I'm stressing or anything.
) and we have told our family and wedding party where we're registered. But I fully expect most of our friends to contact us and ask if they want to know. Like e-star said, they wouldn't know how to contact other folks. I haven't known how to contact my friends' parents either--I've just sent a quick email saying "got the invite, reply is on the way, where are you registered?" and they've shot one back. Doesn't have to be a formal inquiry. So I figure most people can easily find out without including the registry stuff in the invite.
Cru5h is right--if I think about it, it's isn't as though I'd be offended or something if the registry info WAS in an invitation I got. But somehow that particular piece of etiquette is just drummed in there, and I just can't send that info with the invites. If I got it that way, I wouldn't be offended, but the thought would probably cross my mind "don't they know they aren't supposed to do that?"
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posted by labeadel
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...but the thought would probably cross my mind "don't they know they aren't supposed to do that?"
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Exactly!
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