Receptions (inviting guests to ceremony but not reception) - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

transferred post · #1 12-13-2005, 01:21 AM

This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by rgdavid on 1/31/05. Feel free to add your comments by pressing Post Reply.

**************************************************

posted by rgdavid

What is the best way to invite lots of aquaintences to the wedding ceremony but not the recetpion?

**************************************************

posted by catina

You don't. Either they're invited to the ceremony and reception or neither. It's considered very rude and tacky to invite to ceremony only. Etiquette states that an invitation to the ceremony carries a gift obligation. If you invite to the ceremony only, it's like a gift grab. You can invite to the reception only, but even that I personally don't agree with. All or nothing in my books!

**************************************************

posted by wynelle

We just finished another long thread on this very subject. The B&G wanted to invite 150 extra guests (students and parents) to the wedding but not the reception. Almost everyone agreed that it would be a major faux pas and a lot of hurt feeling would arise when those not invited to the reception found out.

**************************************************

posted by feb-bride

Sorry, but there is no "best" way to do this. It's tacky. It's as if saying, "we want your presents, not your presence."

**************************************************

posted by munchkin

they all beat me to it, but yes, you cannot invite people to the ceremony without inviting them to the reception. You can do it the other way around with a larger reception and a small ceremony, but not the way you described.

**************************************************

posted by the mom

Hi, my opinion is that, you send out different wedding invitations. some of them say the reception starts at a certain time, and some of them say that the dance starts at a certain time. Where I come from, this is perfectly acceptable practice. We would be completely shocked to be invited to full sitdown dinner receptions here, and are very used to getting together as a group after the ceremony, for our own dinner and drinks, before heading off the the dance. I have never felt shunned or unhappy when receiving this kind of wedding invitation.

**************************************************

posted by syringa

Hello Mom,

Do you perhaps live somewhere other than the U.S.? In this country, it is considered bad manners to invite to the ceremony only or to a portion of the reception and not all of it, as you can see from the previous posts. Not all receptions include a sit-down dinner. A buffet or an hors d'ouevres reception is very common. It is also fine to offer cake and punch at the church after the ceremony to all of the guests, but they should be entertained in some way.

**************************************************

posted by the mom

Hello Syringa - yes, I happen to live in Canada, but I fail to see your point. If you were to read some of the above replys to this thread of conversation, you will note that all people have different opinions. It does not seem to matter which country they live in. I do not presume to tell you what people in my whole country do, I did, however, share with this forum what the people in my community are used to doing, in an effort to say that we are all different.

**************************************************

posted by feb-bride

I don't think the bride in question was planning on inviting the "extra" guests to any portion of the reception. It seems to me like she just wanted to invite them to the ceremony, which is quite rude.

It is generally also considered rude to invite guests to the ceremony, leave them out of the dinner, and then invite them to the dancing portion of the reception. The message it sends is that they are not important enough to feed.

**************************************************

posted by the mom

I guess the definition of rude depends on where we all live and our own community practices. There seems to be a differing of opinion here, and, I feel that "rude" is a very harsh word to use when referring to practices in various locations. My reply to the first message above, may have mistakenly assumed that there would be a dance after the reception (which I assumed would be a meal), I only apologize for assuming this. I do no apologize for the practices in my community.

**************************************************

posted by munchkin

Practices are different in all parts of Canada. I live in Vancouver, and from what I have found is that it is frowned upon traditionally to invite someone to just the ceremony without inviting them to any part of the reception. However, as already mentioned practices are different in other parts.

**************************************************

posted by Holly

I live in Ontario, and where I'm from it's kind of frowned upon, too.

**************************************************

posted by catina

Ontario, here too. Also frowned upon. However, I do know of at least one family that has done just that. Ceremony and reception and dance for some, but ceremony, no reception, but dance for others (unfortunately, some of them - 8 or 10 if I recall- showed up for the dinner anyway! The hall had to scamble and set up tables for them and the B & G had to pay for them afterwards!!) I'm going to add, that they are from the east coast, so it may be an east coast tradition?

**************************************************

posted by HeatherR

Nope! Not here either.

Heather

**************************************************

posted by catina

Sorry, I meant East Coast as in East Coast Canada (P.E.I, Newfoundland, etc.)I guess my reply was meant more towards the mom and her acceptance of the partial wedding invite thing. I'm thinking maybe it could be a lot of people from the east coast in her area.

**************************************************

posted by the mom

Hi to All!!! Anyways, I am from Calgary, and don't know a lot of people from either the east coast or the west coast! Have been to piles of weddings in the last 15 years, Calgary, Edmonton, Regina, Saskatoon, etc, and only the receptions of our immediate family (ie: neices and nephews) were the immediate family invited to the sit down dinner reception. That was usually an average of about 175 people! The actual dance was attended by plenty more persons. When we have been invited to the weddings of children of our friends, we have always got together as a group, and had our own dinner and refreshments, after the ceremony, and then attended the dance and had a most wonderful time. As I mentioned before, we have never felt shunned by this, contrary, we certainly would have felt shunned to not have been invited to any part of the celebration whatsoever. I know that this question comes up frequently, and the open bar questions also, but we have to remember to be tolerant of others circumstances and the "general norm" of their areas, relatives and friends.

**************************************************

posted by feb-bride

If it's common in someone's area, then that's one thing. However, if you have to ask how to do something, then that means it's probably NOT common in your area and you shouldn't be doing it.

transferred post · #2 12-13-2005, 01:22 AM

**************************************************

posted by lilith

Well, hasn't this been a lively discussion.

As for the appropriateness of this situation, I have a client dealing with a similar scenario. The B&G wanted to have a smaller wedding & recepiton of about 150 people. Both sets of parents, however, have rather large guest lists. To appease everyone, the lists were honored and there are about 400 guests coming to the wedding iteself. There is a "cake & punch" reception with a receiving line being held at the church for all 400. We are allowing 2 hours for this portion of the day. Following this element, there is a plated dinner reception at a separate location for 150 people.

The 150 are close friends and family. The additional 250 at the wedding and light recepiton are more along the lines of aquaintences and associates, or people that are involved with the parents in some way who, honestly, would probably feel odd attending a full-out dinner reception since they are not super-close to the couple.

I think as long as the events are handled with grace and all of your guests feel appreciated and welcome, having a disparagement in the wedding vs. reception guest list is acceptable.

**************************************************

posted by feb-bride

Your client's scenario is acceptable, lilith, because they are providing at least some sort of reception for everyone. What is not considered appropriate is inviting people ONLY to the ceremony with no reception whatsoever.

**************************************************

posted by syringa

I agree with FebBride. The cake and punch reception is the "official" reception. What occurs after that time is entirely up to the bride and groom. The dinner to follow does not have to be considered part of the actual reception activities but rather a gathering of close family and friends.

**************************************************

posted by the mom

Hi, I just wanted to clarify regarding my "posts" to this subject. We always have a Late Lunch, coffee, tea, buns, etc. at around 11:00pm, in addition to the actual sit down dinner. Also, on the following day, there is a bruch hosted, and it allows for more visiting and for viewing of the gifts that the couple had received. So, as you can see, the "wedding" starts Friday night, with hosting refreshments and snacks for anyone and everyone who shows up (this is not part of the rehersal dinner),
Saturday afternoon with more refreshments and snacks (between ceremony and reception), then continues Saturday evening with reception which includes sit down dinner, followed by a late lunch, followed by a brunch on the Sunday. A big part of the expenses is the sit down dinner, and since the guests have three other opportunities to eat and socialize, having a "family" dinner is perfectly acceptable for us.