This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by Daryl Wicker on 4/06/04. Feel free to add your comments by pressing Post Reply.
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posted by Daryl Wicker
Gifts are being received well in advance of the wedding. When is it appropriate to send the THANK YOU for the gifts received in advance of the wedding?
Thank You in advance for any response.
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posted by Marge129
I, personally, am waiting until after the wedding to send all Thank You notes.
Margie
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posted by wedgirl
Etiquette dictates that you are supposed to send the thank you note as soon as the gift is received. (This also cuts down on the number of notes that you must write after the wedding.) However, if you are not opening the gift until after the wedding, you should send an "acknowledgement", which should read something like:
"Your gift has been received, formal thank you note to follow."
Then send a note specifically thanking them for the gift, after you have opened it.
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posted by HeatherR
I sent mine as soon as I received the gift. I have a little stack of Thank you cards on my desk in my home office (with a ton of stamps handy) and I keep track via a spreadsheet so I know to whom I've sent a thank you.
I plan on sending another if they attend the wedding, just to simply thank them for attending.
Heather
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posted by catina
I would do it the way Heather is doing it. Open the gift when received. Why wait? Send thank you cards when the gift is received, then they will know that you've received it, it's received in tact, and it's not lost. I'm not sure it would be neccessary to send a thank you card for them being at that the wedding, if you are having gifts for each person, with a thank you note attached. It's a nice gesture, but I don't think it's must do.
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posted by wedgirl
My husband and I waited to open wedding gifts that were received before the wedding because we weren't living together yet, and we wanted to open them together, in our new home. We also wanted to wait for the actual wedding to take place before we opened any gifts, (kind of like waiting for your birthday or Christmas..) That's just us, though.
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posted by HeatherR
We are having gifts for each person attending the wedding, but not a thank you note attached to those... I believe that you should send a thank you note to those for attending whether a gift is received or not. Is this correct?
Heather
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posted by catina
You could be right Heather. Hadn't thought about it that way. What is the etiquette for that? I know when you receive gifts at the wedding, you send Thank you's after opening them, saying thanks for the gift and being a part of our special day kinda thing. You send a Thank you for attending, when no gift is received -is it more for a polite way of saying no gift received, was it lost? I guess the proper thing is to send two thank you's. As far as gift opening goes, I get a gift I want to open it!! I really do think it's wise to let people know you have receive the gift, so they know it hasn't been lost. Also, I would want it opened to make sure it hasn't been damage in shipping/mailing etc. Just my thoughts.
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posted by feb-bride
Sasha has said that you are supposed to send thank-you notes as soon as you receive gifts, even if you receive them before the wedding. Guests want to know that their gifts arrived safely.
If you are not opening gifts before the wedding, I would do as one person suggested and at least send an acknowledgment card, letting the gift-giver know that you received the package.
I don't know if you're "supposed to" do this, but I did send thank-you notes to people who attended the wedding but did not give gifts.
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posted by wedgirl
I have heard that you definitely should send a thank you to every guest for attending, regardless of whether or not you received a gift from them.
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posted by Daryl Wicker
Thank you for the many responses to the question. I really appreciate all of you taking the time to respond so quickly and throughly!
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posted by atucker
You know, Sasha Souza is the only person I have ever heard come up with this "send a thank you note to everyone" deal. Frankly, it is a little silly....I mean, I would hardly send a thank you note to my guests after a dinner party. I cannot find one other etiquette expert who endorses this idea and Miss Manners specifically points out that is little more than a ploy to nudge those who did not send you a gift to do so.....anyway, there are so many ways people need to work on being correct and this is really made-up etiquette. Take this site with a grain of salt.
And send the thank you note as soon as the gift is received. Ten minutes is the appropriate lag time. Enjoy!
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posted by Jazzy
Daryl,
I agree that you should send the thank you notes when you recieve the gifts. Just make sure that you keep track of who you sent notes to so you won't accidentally send two to the same person. As for those of you who mentioned sending thank you notes to people who didn't give you a gift, I do think a thank you note should be sent to everyone for hepling you celebrate your special day. But that's just my opinion. I honestly don't think that it's a must.
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posted by John Oriley
My fiance just directed me to this site to find out the same thing. We'll be sending them out as soon as we receive the gift. Thanks
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posted by feb-bride
I never said it was a "must" to send thank-you notes to people who attend your wedding but don't give a gift. I did this because I truly did appreciate the fact that I had guests travel from hours away just to attend my wedding. I do not equate someone attending a wedding where they had to travel a great distance with someone who lives in town and attends a dinner party.
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posted by HeatherR
I agree Feb-bride. 80% of our guests are going to be attending from 4+ hours away. I really am grateful for those who attend to celebrate. I plan on sending a Thank you card to everyone regardless of whether or not a gift a received.
Heather
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posted by feb-bride
I certainly didn't send thank-you cards to "non-gift-givers" to guilt them into giving me gifts. I resent the implication.
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posted by Jazzy
I agree, a thank you card should never be sent to guilt anyone who didn't give you a gift. I'm sure even if they didn't give you a gift, they would really appreciate the fact that you sent them a thank you card just for them being there. I'm sure they would be pleased to know that they're presence meant a lot to you. (most likely)
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posted by serialkitten
Dear Non-Gift Giver,
Thank you for taking advantage of our open bar and allowing us to buy you a $60.00 dinner!
We look forward to using the personalized matchbook favors that you left behind at the end of the night to brown our bread in lieu of the toaster that we were hoping for!
Love,
The jilted Bride and Groom.
LOL
HAHA!
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posted by Jazzy
Serial Kitten, that is soooo funny. I started cracking up when I read that! If nothing else, thank them for the money they spent on gas to get there,(HEE, HEE, HEE)assuming they didn't catch the bus!!
Gifts (When to send thank you cards)
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