Rants, Raves, and Family - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

anna32182 · #1 01-08-2007, 10:50 PM

Sorry, I have to vent.

From the beginning, Chris and I have decided that it is super important to us to pay for this wedding ourselves (short story: exwife had to have the cinderella/disney/princess dream with the price tag of $20,000+... ending in huge debt issues. luckily, the wench got stuck with it in the divorce)

pardon my choice of words.

anyways... Both of us knew that neither of our parents were in a financial position to pay for this wedding. His parents confronted us with the info, my parents just never talked about it (it's our way of doing things...). I did ask them eventually, last summer, if there were any ways they could help us pay (i.e., pay for limited open bar [keg, wine, pop], tent rental... something). They said they didn't know because my sister's grad party was coming up, they had some bills they needed to pay, etc. Subject dropped. I really would rather do this without their help, but a bride on a budget can't have too much pride

Then comes thanksgiving.

My stepmom and I are enjoying a brilliantly camoflaged she-cat argument (disguised as a sickening-sweet conversation) and she throws out IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE FAMILY: "Well, I wouldn't be so snotty after asking us for all that money for the wedding!"

WHAT!?

I've been holding this all in for a while, and was just about to let it go when I find out that the same woman is planning on wearing... get this... her wedding dress! To my wedding!

Granted, it's not a traditional wedding gown. It's just a two-piece beige number that she got married to my dad in at the courthouse. I understand that money is tight, but if you can afford to give us "ALL THAT MONEY!", then dammit, you can afford a different dress. This woman has FOUR closets full of clothes. FOUR! She just bought god knows how much worth of new furniture, and she has to re-use her wedding dress to save a few bucks?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

Sorry, I just had to get this off my chest.

RauliesGirl · #2 01-08-2007, 11:09 PM

aww sweetie, no advice just a

anna32182 · #3 01-09-2007, 12:15 AM

birdie · #4 01-09-2007, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anna32182

I've been holding this all in for a while, and was just about to let it go when I find out that the same woman is planning on wearing... get this... her wedding dress! To my wedding!
Granted, it's not a traditional wedding gown. It's just a two-piece beige number that she got married to my dad in at the courthouse. I understand that money is tight, but if you can afford to give us "ALL THAT MONEY!", then dammit, you can afford a different dress. This woman has FOUR closets full of clothes. FOUR! She just bought god knows how much worth of new furniture, and she has to re-use her wedding dress to save a few bucks?

Who in the world would actually have the audacity to do this? Holy cow, this woman needs help. I have no advice except to let her snide comments go, as hard as it is to do. I'm sure everyone else knows she makes comments like that so no harm done to your reputation.

So your dad is helping to pay for your wedding? I was a liitle confused from your post. Maybe your stepmom is seeing this as a way to hold something over your head forever. How does your dad act about it? Is he gracious to help pay or does it seem like he's not happy about it?

If he doesn't seem happy about it, and if I were you, I would give them their money back and find the money elsewhere or scale down my wedding. I hate giving people the satisfaction.

Heather · #5 01-09-2007, 01:21 AM

I'll probably be in the minority, but a two-piece beige dress sounds really nice and very acceptable compared to some of the other horror stories we've heard. I went to a wedding two years ago where the step-mom wore a blood red, off the shoulder, one-piece MINI dress. She looked like a fool and the bride was so embarassed.

I think the fact that it was her wedding dress isn't a big deal at all. No one is going to even think about that.

If this is your fiances 2nd wedding (is it yours too?), then I would be really grateful that your parents are willing to chip in. No parents are obligated to pay for anything whether there has been a wedding before or not, but it's especially nice if they're chipping in for a 2nd.

I know that you know this already, lol... but if it really means a lot to you, then find a way to pay for the wedding yourselves, and I would give step-mom a break on the dress. It could be a lot worse and if you hassle her about that, she may go out and buy something much more inappropriate.

anna32182 · #6 01-09-2007, 01:51 AM

Quote:

So your dad is helping to pay for your wedding? I was a liitle confused from your post. Maybe your stepmom is seeing this as a way to hold something over your head forever. How does your dad act about it? Is he gracious to help pay or does it seem like he's not happy about it?

No, he's not. Not as far as I know, anyway.

Quote:

I'll probably be in the minority, but a two-piece beige dress sounds really nice and very acceptable compared to some of the other horror stories we've heard. I went to a wedding two years ago where the step-mom wore a blood red, off the shoulder, one-piece MINI dress. She looked like a fool and the bride was so embarassed.

This 'infraction' in itself isn't bad. It was just another kick in the teeth after the thanksgiving escapade.

Quote:

If this is your fiances 2nd wedding (is it yours too?), then I would be really grateful that your parents are willing to chip in.

They aren't. That's why I was so agitated when she made that comment.

Heather · #7 01-09-2007, 02:08 AM

Ooooh! I see, it was hard to tell, lol. Sorry! (Accidentally spill red-wine on the dress, lol.) Just kidding!

anna32182 · #8 01-09-2007, 02:26 AM

now THAT is a good idea...

AshyBekka · #9 01-09-2007, 04:14 AM

Hey if it makes you feel any better, my new MIL wore a white suit to my wedding... (Yes, I know-I still owe pics on that one...)

janeandreawong · #10 01-20-2007, 05:57 PM

Does she know it's not her wedding?

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http://bridesmaidtailor.com

anna32182 · #11 01-20-2007, 07:55 PM

Actually, maybe not.

Her and my dad got married 9 years ago in a courthouse with a reception at Mr. B's roadhouse. i think it always hit a nerve that she didn't have a 'wedding'.

maybe she's just living vicariously through me.

STOP IT.

sparklesweetie · #12 01-20-2007, 10:11 PM

Ahhh, families. Aren't they wonderful?

It'll get better....and beige is better than cream, right? (My mom, MIL, and SIL all wore cream to mine.

)

555Ann555 · #13 01-20-2007, 10:19 PM

I'd settle for beige, like H says, you never know how bad option 2 might be!

(My MIL wore a very bright cerise to ours, even though she knew we were going for understated look. Boy does she stand out in the photos!)

SerendipityCrafts · #14 01-20-2007, 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

I'll probably be in the minority, but a two-piece beige dress sounds really nice and very acceptable compared to some of the other horror stories we've heard.

I have to agree. If you didn't know it was her wedding dress, would it be acceptable?

I am just wondering if she wouldn't like the opportunity to wear it again (LOL I know I would LOVE to wear mine at least once more).

Ours was a second wedding for both of us. My dress wasn't traditional - I wore a beaded ivory dress that I found at an antique store. My bridesmaids wore cocktail length dresses (not matching) in a pale green & aqua. Our decorations were pastel. We told our mothers this and then let them choose what they wanted to wear.

We also paid for our own wedding. It wasn't extravagent but we feel it was beautiful nonetheless and (which is a big AND) nobody had a say in how we were doing things.

MrsIvey · #15 01-21-2007, 02:02 AM

a dress from 9 years ago? Kinda out dated--huh?

DragonYoga · #16 01-22-2007, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsIvey2be

a dress from 9 years ago? Kinda out dated--huh?

And how! It's rare that a suit almost a decade old would still look good.

Liz AG · #17 02-24-2007, 01:38 AM

My future MIL is so sweet and supportive. My heart goes out to you.

Sapphire · #18 02-26-2007, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AshyBekka

Hey if it makes you feel any better, my new MIL wore a white suit to my wedding... (Yes, I know-I still owe pics on that one...)

Is it bad for the mom to wear white as well? My mom's wearing a light ivory skirt-suit...I figured it was a traditional thing where the mom is passing the 'bride' status to her daughter and so they both wear white symbolizing this.. or maybe i have an active imagination.

feb-bride · #19 02-26-2007, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapphire

Is it bad for the mom to wear white as well? My mom's wearing a light ivory skirt-suit...I figured it was a traditional thing where the mom is passing the 'bride' status to her daughter and so they both wear white symbolizing this.. or maybe i have an active imagination.

I've been to very many weddings in my time, and I've *never* seen the MOB wear white.