What to look for in a couples/marriage counselor? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Clarity · #1 12-30-2006, 04:04 PM

Ok Breakthrough time today. Jeff has agreed to go with me to couples therapy or premarriage counseling whatever it may be called. His only request was that it be within our faith which is easily done. Now for my next question, What do we look for? What kind of questions should I ask when looking for one? I don't just want any ol' therapist. But I don't know what to look for. Any clues?

(BTW:And of course, thank you ladies for suggesting this over and over. Somethings there we just have to work out the kinks, right? We did agree that if this didn't work it has to be final...we can't keep putting ourselves through this. Thanks for the support as always)

Marge129 · #2 12-30-2006, 04:15 PM

My Mom is a therapist... I'll ask her for some helpful hints and get back to you.

NovemberGal · #3 12-30-2006, 04:21 PM

My number #1 thing with therapists of any kind, and this should extend even to religious counseling, is do you feel comfortable talking to the person? You can sometimes really tell from an interview, but if even after a session or two or three you're not clicking, LOOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE. That's my other major thing--if you don't find the right person right away, don't give up. Try someone else.

As far as questions to ask, I'm not really sure. I would decide if there are important values or positions you two hold on certain topics that might impact your discussions, and make sure whoever you're talking to either agrees with them or is at least respectful of them. Alternatively, if there are views the two of you DISAGREE on, make sure whoever you are talking to doesn't automatically side with one view without hearing all sides of the issue (for example, if you feel that your husband should NOT discipline your kids, and he feels he should, the person you're talking to shouldn't just agree with either one of you simply because that is his view also--he should listen to the arguments of each of you and HELP YOU determine the best course of action FOR YOU).

That's all I've got right now...

Marge129 · #4 12-30-2006, 04:23 PM

K... just talked with my Mom. She said the only way to know if a therapist is good or not is by word of mouth in the community. Don't rely on the ads in the yellow pages... they sometimes lie to drum up business. If you called an office, you would just be talking to the receptionist... who probably won't know squat.

Since the faith aspect is important for you, try your local preacher. They're usually very willing to do pre-marital sessions. Maybe they can recommend further help if need be.

Sorry I couldn't be more help!

DavidsWife · #5 01-01-2007, 01:49 AM

Gertie, Are you a part of a church? I know "most" churches will do pre-marital councelling!!! This was you know the person helping you out and you feel more comfortable!

i know some people would rather go to someone they don't know, they just find it easier to express how they feel! I know our church offers it, but we will be taking the course with my youthpastor of whom I have known since I was about 10! He's awesome and makes u feel completely comforable! His wife will also be doing this with us (both pators)

Just a suggestions!

Let us know how you make out!

Jayme