I'm a child hater

[munchkin]

Apparently at least. I don't want children at my wedding, except for my first cousin who will be 8, almost 9 (we have the same birthday). According to some rumours I've heard, I'm a child hater who doesn't want kids at my wedding because they'll take away all the attention.
Yes, because it will be so easy to ignore the woman in the white dress and veil who's getting toasted by other guests and gets to a) open the dance floor, b) eat first and c) gets to leave in a limo. Yeah, I'll be easily ignored.
I like kids. I may even have them some day. But I don't want kids at my wedding because it won't be child friendly. I love my friends and family, and I want to spend time with them without them having to leave half an hour into the reception because their kid is crying and wants to go home. I also don't want anyone getting hurt at what may well be an outdoor wedding. Finally, there will be alcohol. Some people are stupid when they drink, and I doubt that most parents will want their kids exposed to a large number of drunk people.

[Heather]

Don't budge sista. I didn't, and I don't regret it. My wedding was everything I wanted it to be and more. If someone didn't like it, they didn't have to come and two couples didn't b/c of that. I missed them, but I had no regrets.

[NovemberGal]

People are always going to have their opinions about your motivations, and as frustrating as that is, it's best to ignore them. This is an issue that people feel very strongly about--even on this board. Some feel that it is a family event and how can you even consider not having children? Others feel strongly that weddings are not the place for children, for whatever reasons.

We did not have kids at our wedding, beyond a few clear lines--DH's nieces (who were my jr. maids) and his nephew, and my cousin who at 16 was debatable as "kid" anyway. Two toddlers--children of my MOH and another bridesmaid (my MOH's daughter is my goddaughter). Nobody griped, at least to me, but we did have people who could not travel if their kids weren't invited, like my boadload of cousins (which was fine with me anyway).

So, if you don't want children at your wedding, whatever your reasons are and whether or not anyone agrees with them, that is your choice.

[mommy03bride]

im going to my cousin wedding on saturday and there is no kids allowed. i have 3 and i dont see anything wrong with it. if you dont have kids, or even if you do, why would you want your toast or any part of your wedding interupted with a kid crying or making some kind of scene? me and fh have also decided the only kids that will be attended are wedding is the kids in the wedding party. if any of my family or friends has a problem with it, then they dont need to be there.

[DavidsWife]

Originally Posted by mommy03bride

im going to my cousin wedding on saturday and there is no kids allowed. i have 3 and i dont see anything wrong with it. if you dont have kids, or even if you do, why would you want your toast or any part of your wedding interupted with a kid crying or making some kind of scene? me and fh have also decided the only kids that will be attended are wedding is the kids in the wedding party. if any of my family or friends has a problem with it, then they dont need to be there.

I agree...We are doing a "kid free" wedding as well!!! I don't thionk it's a bad thing...

[Leslee&Jake]

Originally Posted by mommy03bride

im going to my cousin wedding on saturday and there is no kids allowed. i have 3 and i dont see anything wrong with it. if you dont have kids, or even if you do, why would you want your toast or any part of your wedding interupted with a kid crying or making some kind of scene? me and fh have also decided the only kids that will be attended are wedding is the kids in the wedding party. if any of my family or friends has a problem with it, then they dont need to be there.

I agree when we actually finally set our date and get married I highly doubt there will be kids there.

[Sh@ks18]

I think some people dont realize how their kid will act at a wedding reception. No matter how well behaved a child is, they will get restless in less than 20 minutes and want to run around. Have someone talk to those people that are talking bad about you and explain to them that you dont want guests chasing after little kids (who may end up hurting themselves by falling etc) who are running around, while the parents are just sitting there watching

[NovemberGal]

To be fair, many parents can manage young children at "adult events" without any problems. It's just that every once in a while even a well-behaved child can melt-down, and everyone knows one of those parents who pays no attention as their child runs amok. To be really sure these things don't happen, don't have kids there. If it is more important to include everyone, then you're already the type that will see the humor in Baby Sue screaming just as you exchange vows.

As I mentioned above, we had two toddlers at my wedding. My church provides a glassed-in "cry room" so that the fathers (their wives were in my wedding party) could see and hear the ceremony, but we couldn't hear the kids, so they could move around and play and cry and whatnot. And there were no meltdowns during the reception--and they stayed later than we did!

[maroki13]

Originally Posted by NovemberGal

To be fair, many parents can manage young children at "adult events" without any problems. It's just that every once in a while even a well-behaved child can melt-down, and everyone knows one of those parents who pays no attention as their child runs amok. To be really sure these things don't happen, don't have kids there. If it is more important to include everyone, then you're already the type that will see the humor in Baby Sue screaming just as you exchange vows.

We had kids at our wedding, which was a personal decision that worked for us. If I had children, I wouldn't be offended if I was invited without them. If it wasn't feasible for me to attend without them, I would have to decline the invitation though.

That being said, we did find it extremely funny at our reception when my father/daughter dance was interrupted by the two flower girls (ages 3 and 4) tipping over an 8' fake tree in the corner of the room. Luckily they weren't hurt and it provided a funny story and unique, laughable memory that we will joke about long into the future.

[Emily]

We are having kids - I have never seen it as an issue, or questioned it! We are having a kids table and are hiring a 'nanny' to entertain them for the day, I dont want them to feel excluded (not that they would probably notice either way)!

I love kids and I think they will be a nice addition to the day! But each to their own!

[ohiobride]

Don't give in to family pressure -- it's your day, and should be how you want it! I really REGRET having children at my DD's wedding reception. There were so many and most were just out of control. There were over 300 guests and between the children running in and out of the bathrooms, tearing decorations down from the walls (that were the venue's, not ours!!!) and being very loud, it was awful. While I know many people wouldn't have attended if their children couldn't be there, I think knowing then what I know now, I would have strongly discouraged DD from inviting children.

[fallbride]

This is your wedding, so if you don't want kids, then don't have them. I had kids at my wedding. My daughter was in the wedding, so I could not ask other people not to bring their kids if I had a select few there. The kids at the wedding had a great time! Even the one who everyone thought would be out of control was the best he has been! I agree with you on how stupid people get when they are drunk. Their our weddings where I have chosen not to take my daughter because I thought the drinking would get out of control.
I just have to share. I was invited to a wedding a couple years ago and my daughter was not invited. The bride was offened that I would even think about bringing her. That was fine. Well, I invited that bride to my wedding. Now she has a little one. She would not come to my wedding unless she could bring him. I just had to laugh when my friend told me about that. It is funny how some people change their opinion about it when they have kids.
I have learned while planning my wedding, that you will never please everyone. So don't even try to. You need to do what makes you and your FH happy and if some people don't like it, then they don't have to accept the invite to the wedding.

[birdie]

I want kids at my reception and wouldn't have it any other way. But this is your wedding - you do what you want. Ignore the people bad mouthing you. They'll get over it and if they don't they aren't worth your time worrying about it.

[justnmary]

Originally Posted by NovemberGal

To be fair, many parents can manage young children at "adult events" without any problems. It's just that every once in a while even a well-behaved child can melt-down, and everyone knows one of those parents who pays no attention as their child runs amok. To be really sure these things don't happen, don't have kids there. If it is more important to include everyone, then you're already the type that will see the humor in Baby Sue screaming just as you exchange vows.

As I mentioned above, we had two toddlers at my wedding. My church provides a glassed-in "cry room" so that the fathers (their wives were in my wedding party) could see and hear the ceremony, but we couldn't hear the kids, so they could move around and play and cry and whatnot. And there were no meltdowns during the reception--and they stayed later than we did!

This just reminded me of an instance last month when dh and I went to that wedding up north......(sorry don't mean to hijack, funny story).....

We had breakfast at a Country Kitchen in Antigo and we had to wait about 30 minutes for our food to be served (which got me going to begin with) I hate slow service, and then 3 booths away there was this woman on her cell phone with a baby in a high chair, about maybe 10-12 months old. All the kid would do was cry. Cry, cry, cry.......the lady did NOTHING but talk on her cell phone! So I was getting irrationally pissed! (It doesn't happen often but....). Well our waitress stopped by and asked how everything was....I in my pleasant mood replied, "Fine accept for the screaming kid in the corner!" I didn't say it quietly either and I got a few looks. Well then all of the sudden the kid quited down and the lady said to her mom or grandmother (whoever it was that was with her) "Well it's not like I can do anything about it....." HELLO! GET OFF THE F*^&%$G PHONE AND DEAL WITH YOUR CHILD! Then her husband must have shown up and as we were leaving he gave me a nasty look and I gave him a sticky sweet smile.....in your face people! Did I embarrass you because you were neglecting your child while on the phone in a public place????Do you think I was the only person thinking that? Sorry, if you can't pay attention to your kid in a public place then dont' take them too one! HELLO!!!! Bitches like me don't like having my morning meal interupted by people who don't pay attention to their screaming brats! If that were my kid, I would say "ok lets go, we'll grab something from the drive thru....." I wouldn't subject 40 people to listening to my screaming kid!

[mommy03bride]

Originally Posted by justnmary

This just reminded me of an instance last month when dh and I went to that wedding up north......(sorry don't mean to hijack, funny story).....

We had breakfast at a Country Kitchen in Antigo and we had to wait about 30 minutes for our food to be served (which got me going to begin with) I hate slow service, and then 3 booths away there was this woman on her cell phone with a baby in a high chair, about maybe 10-12 months old. All the kid would do was cry. Cry, cry, cry.......the lady did NOTHING but talk on her cell phone! So I was getting irrationally pissed! (It doesn't happen often but....). Well our waitress stopped by and asked how everything was....I in my pleasant mood replied, "Fine accept for the screaming kid in the corner!" I didn't say it quietly either and I got a few looks. Well then all of the sudden the kid quited down and the lady said to her mom or grandmother (whoever it was that was with her) "Well it's not like I can do anything about it....." HELLO! GET OFF THE F*^&%$G PHONE AND DEAL WITH YOUR CHILD! Then her husband must have shown up and as we were leaving he gave me a nasty look and I gave him a sticky sweet smile.....in your face people! Did I embarrass you because you were neglecting your child while on the phone in a public place????Do you think I was the only person thinking that? Sorry, if you can't pay attention to your kid in a public place then dont' take them too one! HELLO!!!! Bitches like me don't like having my morning meal interupted by people who don't pay attention to their screaming brats! If that were my kid, I would say "ok lets go, we'll grab something from the drive thru....." I wouldn't subject 40 people to listening to my screaming kid!

im so glad you said something mary!

i think we are alot alike in ways, cause i have done the same thing.

first i cant stand when people are on there cell phones having a full on conversation while there little kids are trying to get there attention. and to have your child crying and you have the nerve to stay on the phone. i have a 20 month old and she gets in her moods where she is crying while we are out to eat. what i do is go outside with her and talk to her or we leave. people just kill me on the way they take care of their kids.

[justnmary]

lol....so it's not just me?

[Clarity]

I was once invited to an Adult Only wedding and Reception. I wish I could find the invitation ( I keep everything) But they had little blurb about it being adults only and their reasonings. It was so good...much like your reasoning, alcohol was involved and they did not want to expose the children to adults being stupid and it gave the adults time to relax and enjoy. I have to add that this was their 2nd marriage each and they each had children and one child together. The children were at the wedding but then she arranged for them a "fun night" out on their own. It was quite pleasant.

As for the reaction of friends and family, they will always find something to nag about. Hold your ground!

[DragonYoga]

OY, Mary! That kind of mother, I will NEVER be!! It's irritating enough that I have to listen to them screeching and seeing the parents just ignoring them.

What one of my BMs did to keep her baby quiet during meals at restaurants was to feed him BEFORE going into the restaurant - that way, he was full and happy - and not a little sleepy! It worked GREAT.

[labeadel]

Munchkin, don't give in. You're not a bad person. I had very limited kids at my wedding, and the only reason there were 2 of them under 10 years old was the fact that they came 2,000 miles to attend our wedding. And the other 2 were my niece and nephew who were involved in the wedding (and they were 11 and 13).

I can't believe that people are so openly complaining about it for you to find out. I'm just so thankful for my guests and family, b/c as far as I know, nobody cared one bit that their kids weren't invited. Just keep it as it is (not that you mentioned changing your mind) and everyone will just deal.

[AngelRoseFyre]

I am having kids at my wedding, but I have one, so it's obvious that they would be there, I am having a seperate area for them though.

But I have been to pleanty of kid free weddings, and had a great time. The idea that you are affraid the kids will take away from your attention is rediculious!!!! And I personally wouldn't want my child around drunks or in an inviorment that is not safe, or not fun, because then the kids won't be fun.

I say don't budge, it's your wedding, do it your way, and if they don't like it, that's their problem.

If people were smart, they would see it as an excuse to hire a babysitter for a night, and go have fun.

[labeadel]

Originally Posted by AngelRoseFyre

If people were smart, they would see it as an excuse to hire a babysitter for a night, and go have fun.

I would think most people would see it that way!

[sparklesweetie]

I didn't have children at mine either, much for the same reasons everyone has said. I don't recall getting too much grief about it....at least not to my face. DH's nephew that was 9 was there, but only b/c his dad didn't pick him up like he was supposed to. (And that's a whole other story.)

Stick to your guns!!!

[Julz518]

Growing up I was one of the kids always NOT invited to all of my cousins weddings... and that sucked. But looking back, I wonder if my cousins would have made an exception for my sister and I if my mom had asked (this is when we were like 13 and 15, so we wouldn't have been running around naked or anything). If we had known their reasoning, she probably would have been more likely to ask.

I'd encourage you to list your reasoning in the invite/STD like Gertie said. Our cousins never explained it, they just said "no one under 16" so we always assumed it was just b/c of cost, which seemed kind of arbitrary.

You also might want to keep an open mind and try to be aware (amid the millions of other thing you have to worry about) of any circumstances where not allowing children would keep someone you really want from attending... though it sounds like you're already doing that with your cousins

[feb-bride]

Stick to your guns. I invited kids to my wedding, but I have kids of my own, and I would have felt like a hypocrite.

People with kids have two options: get a sitter or skip the wedding. Don't let anyone guilt you into inviting kids if that's not what you want to do. It's your wedding - not theirs.

[Kat20]

Yes, definitely stick to your guns. If anyone is complaining about not being able to find a baby-sitter, you could have nannies available to watch the younger children--this is what the daughter of good friends of my family is doing. Also, anybody who will not attend your wedding simply because their child isn't invited is not a real friend.

Formal, evening weddings are not appropriate for ANY kids under 5-6. I would not pay for a plate that isn't going to be eaten and caterers change per person regardless of age. Also, having a kids area at a formal reception does not work--it wouldn't be formal!

If family and friends have a problem with your decision, explain it to them this way: "I understand your feelings and you are entitled to your opinion. However, my fiance and I do not feel it is appropriate to have young children at the wedding with it being formal and in the evening, and the venue being so expensive that we wouldn't want to risk damage to breakable items. We do not see how it would be a problem finding a sitter given the advance notice you've been given of the wedding. I'm sorry if you will not be able to join us on our special day and we will sure miss you, but we will not change our decision." I think this is good way explain it because you are being understanding of their feelings.