This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by PJ on 3/15/04.
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posted by PJ
As the mother of the Groom I am not sure just what we are required to do if anything. So far we have offered to hold the engagement party and cover the cost for night. What else are we required to do. So far everyone I have spoken to seem to think that the Bride's parents and the Bride and Groom are the only ones who need to be making any decisions. We would like to make this day a special one for our Son.
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posted by feb-bride
Traditionally, the groom's parents have also been responsible for hosting the rehearsal dinner, paying for the bride's bouquet, the honeymoon, and sometimes paying for things such as the liquor at the reception.
In this day and age, though, most people I know don't really go by these traditions. I suggest that you talk to your son and his fiancee' and let them know you'd like to help in any way they need. You could also offer them a flat sum of money for them to use as they see fit.
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posted by Marge129
The groom's family is also supposed to pay for all the flowers for that side of the family (e.g. grandparents and parents) If you want to help out, I don't think it matters who pays for what. I'm sure the bride's family would love the help!
Margie
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posted by skinnard
I agree with Marge. As a MOB paying for all the wedding, any help would be greatly appreciated. I never knew groom's family should pay for flowers for family! I am learning alot on this forum.
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posted by catina
I'm MOB as well paying for everything (and my hubby)! I keep getting offers of help and dinner to discuss it, but it never happens! I don't think there's a definite line as to who pays for what. In our family and circle of friends, and I believe in Canada, the only thing the groom's side is traditionally responsible for are the tuxes, and the rehearsal party. Oh and the marriage license and the officiant's fee. I guess it depends on where you're from and what you've read and what you can afford!
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posted by PJ
Hi this is an update, :-)We have hosted the engagement party. That went well. We are now awaiting a get together with the Brides family and our son to discuss the guest list. We have said we are willing to help with the costs etc, but so far have not been given any idea of if this is wanted or needed. The wedding plans seem to be fairly organised.
Thanks for your help on what we are expected to pay for, it seems to be different in Australia, so will post as we go.
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posted by catina
My daughter's fiance's parents also offered to help with the cost. We have had them over for dinner 3 times and they keep saying they will have us to their house for dinner to discuss it. We have yet to be invited. They do keep asking my daughter what they should pay for, however, she keeps telling them to talk to us! DUH! But we never hear from them. They are paying for the rehearsal dinner. But that's another story. It's important that you call up the MOB, ask when a convenient time is to go to your house for dinner, so you can talk helping with the costs of the wedding. Know ahead of time how much you are willing to contribute. My husband wants to call them, but I refuse. I'm not going to start begging for help. They were nice enough to offer, but they should be the ones to approach us as to how much they can etc. and to cough it up!! From day one we told my daughter and her fiance we would pay for the wedding, and that's how I'm budgeting everything. If we get help from the MOG, great! If not, we won't be broke. Well, close to broke. The bank really likes us!
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posted by 6amandaf6
Hi
Im from New Zealand so ideas of what is expected may be more similar here. I think a lot of it depends on whether either sets of parents have traditional views or not, and whether the couple are lving together already. Over here it seems splitting the cost in three between bride/groom, brides parents and grooms parents is common.
My parents offered to give us a lump sum of money, and Scott's parents said they thought they were supposed to pay for transport, flowers as was expected in their day (they are a bit older than my parents). We pretty much paid for most of it, my parents paid a portion, and Scott's parents paid for the cars.
I think its a good idea to sit down with all parties involved and discuss it openly from the start. Then everyone knows where they stand and can budget easily from there. I think its nice if both sets of parents can have input into their children's wedding day. Scott wished his parents had been more interested, rather than taking the view it was to be organised between the bride and her parents, which was not how it was at all.
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posted by PJ
I have a question for Catina, we had our son's fiancee's parents here for dinner when we first met them. Since then we have seen them twice, once at a party at their place for all involved with the wedding, and the next time was at our home when we had the engagement party. I am not sure if the Bride would think I am being a pushy Mother in Law, if I ring her mum and ask to get together. I feel like I am treading on egg shells with her at present. I suggested we have an afternoon tea after the wedding for the guests that we could not invite to the actual wedding breakfast and that was met with rolled eyes from her and an "I am not sure if we want to do that" by her Mum. I am unsure about making suggestions to her about anything at present. I have spoken to our son about the guest list and he has said they have discussed getting together with us and her parents to go over the list. But so far thats about as far as we have gone. My son wanted me to do the Bridal Makeup and intially the Bride said yes to that, but I have not made any other remarks about that either. Should I ring her Mum and risk the Bride getting upset? or just let it go until they ask us. Your opinion would be appreciated.
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posted by HeatherR
Hi PJ, I'm not a MOB or MOG, and I know Catina will respond, she's very good. I just wanted throw my two cents in. (Feel free to disregard
)
If I'm not mistaken, it's the Bride's mother who is responsible for getting in touch with you. She should contact you to get your thoughts on plans, what she is wearing to the wedding as well as finances if that needs to be discussed.
I don't know how far off the wedding is, but if she hasn't done this and you haven't discussed any of the above, I would definitely ring her up. Offer to take her to lunch, and your future daughter in law if she has time. Tell her you would like to discuss what you're wearing, an after wedding tea and the offer of doing the makeup. You have every right to be involved in your son's wedding, but of course with limits, but it seems you're aware of that and that's a good thing.
Explain that you need to plan financially and it would be a great help to get together and get this stuff out of the way...
Good Luck!
Heather
Grooms Parents
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