This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by dryvithome on 3/10/03.
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posted by dryvithome
We've had an interesting problem crop up now. I'll give a quick history on it to fill everyone in. My fiance and I had asked her parents if they were going to help pay or pay for the wedding/reception. They told us that they would pay for it but never told us an amount. Knowing their monetary situation we came up with a few plans for the wedding and reception ranging in price from $2000 to $20,000 trying to get an idea of what could be affordable. They just laughed at our ideas and told us not to worry that they would ensure that she had a large wedding. Two months ago she and her parents found a place that they all liked. Her parents decided that one of the plans that totals $8000 would be the one. My fiance and I didn't think they could pay for that and stated so, but they told us it wouldn't be a problem. They put down a $700 deposit to hold our date of Sept 27. Now two months later my fiance reminded them that the terms of the contract calls for 50% to be paid in May. They told her today that she needs to start figuring out a way to come up with the $4000 because they don't have the money right now, and if a settlement that they've been in litigation with for 2 years doesn't come through then they won't have the money. She and I are both upset, since all plans have been made with that location in mind. Now we're stuck in limbo until May to see if they can come up with the money, and if they don't then we're stuck with the cost which we can't afford. It's a disappointment to be told that someone is going to fund it and then back out saying it's ours now. Left up to us, we drop back to our $2000 plan. But, if we wait until May, we may not be able to get a location that we like on the short notice. Anyone have any ideas how we can approach her parents? We've already decided to approach them and show them our point of view, but we don't want it to sound too much like it's their fault that they planned on having money that they don't have. It's kind of frustrating, to say the least. We've decided to wait a week before broaching the subject with them to let our fuses burn out instead of getting mad at them. Has anyone else had this problem before with the parents or someone else offering to pay and then leaving you stuck with the bill? If so, how did you handle it? Thanks for the help.
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posted by feb-bride
This sucks for you and your fiancee'. It was really nice of her parents to offer to help, but they shouldn't have offered to spend money that they didn't know if they would have.
If I were you, I'd just go back to the $2,000 plan that you and your fiancee' can afford by yourselves. I wouldn't wait until May to see if the money from her parents is going to come through.
If they do end up giving you money, you can always add something to your plans or use it for your honeymoon.
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posted by dryvithome
We talked about it and have decided to wait a bit to see what comes. I don't think they will give the money after the fact if we went with something different, but that's just a thought. They could surprise us, but so far most surprises they have come up with have been unexpected by me. I won't speak for Meredith again. Especially since she's got a separate account now.
That and we've got the honeymoon picked out. Still have to work out a few details but it's decided, (I think) on where we are going. Unless we come up with something better, we were thinking Yellowstone National Park would be a neat place to go. There's plenty to do there and see.
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posted by dryvithome
Here's the update on it...They finally told her today that there is no way they can pay. So the good news is that we still have time to go back to the old plan and go from there. Now it's just a matter of filling out paperwork and deciding where to have the reception.
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posted by feb-bride
Well, at least they told you now as opposed to waiting until May. I still think it's crappy that they offered money they didn't have. I know that parents aren't obligated to pay for their children's weddings, but I think it's rude to offer something when you don't know if you can follow through.
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posted by Amanda
on the bright side at least they told you now instead of may. it would be really hard to plan everything in 4 months. are you able to get some of the deposit back from the other hall? i hope so and i hope everything else goes as planned and now you have a lesson learned, if people don't have the money, don't accept their offers. yellowstone sounds like a cool place to go i've never been too far for me. but best of luck your going to have an insane few months!
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posted by dryvithome
I definitely agree that telling us now was better than May. We managed to secure the date at the first place we agreed on, but that changes almost everything since the reception site changed too. The time of day had to change to accommodate the church. So now it's back to square one on catering and sound. Could be worse, though. May would have been a worse time to get things settled.
Unfortunately for her parents, the deposit is gone until further notice. They were told that they may get it back depending on if they can rebook that date. It'd be nice if they can and apply it to the flowers that she just picked out. I have to say I never thought about how easy it'd be to run up $500 or more in flowers. Photographer is picked out, too. So that's one less worry. Now we just have to figure out what kind of photos we want. So many more questions are brought about by each decision, but it's been interesting and fun so far. I'd wager to say we haven't had any major arguments over anything so far. It's been fun to me, and probably a bit more than stressful for her. That's about normal from what I read, though.
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posted by jyda
Hey dryvithome,
How's it going on the planning? I hope you have got it all worked out.
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posted by dryvithome
Hi jyda,
We're still trying to decide on food now. The sound portion is taken care of and from reading a few other posts, I think we are going the disposable camera route. I'm not sure if we have money to hire a professional videographer, but I'm sure we can at least get a friend to tape it. The closer things get, the more her parents are trying to offer their input as well as offer money again. Needless to say, after the first burn on their money offer, I'm not too ready to accept their offers on things again as I fear that it'll be the same thing. This week ought to be interesting. We're expecting her mom to go look at the church we have picked and tell us that she doesn't like it. Both of us are ready to tell her that if she doesn't like it too bad since that's affordable and it's okay by us. We're still working on the price issue for everything, but on the whole it seems to be going well.
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posted by jyda
Good to hear that you both have got things worked out. I understand why you would be hesitant to accept another money offer from her parents. I think I would be hesitatnt as well.
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posted by ADRIAN SIMMONS
MY NAME IS TONY AND I AM NEW TO THIS SO BARE WITH ME OK EVERY BODY THANK YOU EVERY ONE. I DID SOME THING VERY MEAN TO MY GIRLFRIEND LAST NIGHT (5-7-03) I SAID SOME VERY MEAN THINGS TO HER THAT I SHOULD HAVE NOT SAID. I KNOW THAT SHE LOVES ME DEARLY BUT THE ONLY THING I SAW (RED) AND I JUST SAID WHAT I HAD TO SAY AND GOT IT OVER WITH. I TOLD HER THAT SHE WAS CHEATING ON ME WHEN I KNEW THAT SHE WAS NOT IN THE FIRST PLACE AND SHE JUMPED ALL OVER ME AND TOLD ME I SHOULD HAVE NOT LISTENED TO THOSE DUM, STUPID PEOPLE OUT THERE IN THE STREETS BECAUSE THAEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM DOING. I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER I AM SORRY BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO LOOSE HER WHEN WE ARE SUPPOSE TO GET MARRIED SOME TIME IN AUGUST OR SEPTEMBER. WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE IT UP TO HER BEFORE THE BIG DAY GETS HERE.
ADRIAN SIMMONS
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posted by feb-bride
I think the two of you need to sit down and talk to each other (NOT YELL). Perhaps you can take her somewhere nice for dinner and tell her how sorry you are for accusing her of something she did not do. If the two of you are going to get married, you really need to be able to talk to each other without letting others influence you. Good luck!
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