combining muslim and catholic believes

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This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by dorkface on 4/25/03. Feel free to add your comments by pressing Post Reply.

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posted by dorkface

im catholic my boyfriend is muslim, how do we bombine the two religions without upseting our families??

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posted by 6amandaf6

I think the best you can do is use even amounts of all the aspect you love of both religions. For example; use traditional muslim readings or songs or a prayer, and use traditional catholic readings as well. Maybe dress in traditional muslim dress and have the ceremony in a church. Definitely use all the aspect you love about both of your religions and make sure you're both happy with it. It is both your day, not anyone elses so you have to be happy with it. With such different religions, you might have some family members unhappy, but they will get over it. You want to look back on your wedding day and not wish you'd changed a thing. Best of luck

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posted by angel17

My cousin is currently facing this situation-while her fiance is a practicing muslim she has been a CME christian for far too long (Christmas, Mother's Day and Easter)...so what started out as a "combined" ceremony is quickly turning into a Muslim one because she has no opinions (or ideas) of christian aspects to include in the ceremony. This is especially touchy with the older relatives who are very devout christians (this kind of got lost on the next generation who bolted from church as soon as they could and never send their own kids except on CME) Its really not about upsetting the families...I see it more as what do you plan to raise your children as or practice? Again, my cousin claims that she will do both but I already see her daughter now praying islamic graces over her meals etc...which I have no problem with-because up until this last year she didn't say grace at all.

Talk to the officiant - you will have to find one that is willing to either co-officiate and/or allow the 'other' to perform during the ceremony (if held in a church). You will also have to decide (as a couple) where you want to get married-I've seen other couple do the inter-faith service but it wasn't catholic-is is important to you to be married in a church or are you willing to have the service elsewhere (I believe if you are strict catholic they don't acknowledge the marriage if it is outside of the sanctuary?? (I'm not catholic, please forgive me if I'm stating this wrong, but I believe there is a difference between getting married by a priest in the church and outside of it).

I know, I probably brought up more questions, I guess my point is you two as a couple have to decide what you want and then find an officiant that is willing to work with both of you. Personally, don't even discuss with the families until you have worked this our for yourselves...because ultimately whatever you decide to practice as a family is between the two of you.

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posted by angelbride

You can't, someone's going to get their feelings hurt no matter what. Parents are like that, they expect that when they raise you with certain religous principles that you'll stick with those your whole life and marry someone with those same prinicples. You don't sound like someone who is very strong in their religous convictions, or you would have picked someone catholic. I think you two might want to decide on one religon or the other. If you can't make that decision then maybe you shoudn't have a religous ceremony.

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posted by elcynic

Yes, the problem is, you are dealing with two religions with very STRONG feelings of outside marrages. A LOT of catholic churches will not allow you to marry outside the religion within one of their churches. I've only seen this aspect of it and never had to deal with Islam in this matter. The best thing to do? Find a REFORMED catholic and muslim minister and have the ceremony on neutral territory with the ministers taking turns. That is, assuming there is such a thing as a reformed muslim minister, I honestly don't know.

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posted by armani_princess

First off let me say that you can't make everyone happy. I've had to come to terms with this recently also. I came from a Roman Catolic background but never practiced. A year ago I became muslim before my fiance and I were married. You need to find out how important the ceremony is to your fiance and his family too.Also there is no such thing as a reformed muslim minister, they are called sheikh's and they are very devoted. Do you even speak arabic, do you know anything about his religion?. I suggest you brush up on this, seriously. you should sit down with your fiance and talk to him about his religion and what needs to be done. I know if you are a muslim girl you cannot marry a non muslim man but a muslim man can marry a non muslim girl but it will be extremely difficult to finad a sheikh to marry you and him knowing this. And if you do get married in front of a sheikh just know that you will have to cover yourself with a scarf. Any woman in a sheikh's presence must cover their entire bodies, just their eyes, nose, lips and cheeks showing usually with no make up you must be clean to recite the quran in front of the sheikh when taking your vows. I know in the muslim religion a Sheikh ( like a priest) will not go into a church and perform the ritual. It is against our religion. You need to know that you are going to be with him for the rest of your life and not anyone else so do what pleases you both. Eventually your family will come to accept your decision, hopefully, if they care about you and your happiness they will support you 100% no matter what. I'm sorry to say but you really can't combine the two religions, I know that it just won't work. There are just too many differences between the two. I'm not saying compromise your religious beliefs for his , just make sure this is what you really want. A catholic and muslim marriage is very demanding. It might not seem so at first but things will change for you drastically. The muslim religion has very strict beliefs and if your fiance is a practicing muslim then he must follow these basic rules. I think the best thing for you to do would be to go see a Sheikh and have him explain to you some options. Being muslim is not just a religion we practice on sunday mornings, it is a way of life and you must be prepared for the differences you will have to face. Praying five times a day, fasting through ashura and ramadan for 30 days, eating only halal foods. I wish you and your fiance the best of luck, I hope you can find a comfortable medium.

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posted by 6amandaf6

Wow, I didn't realise muslim was such a way of life, as you put it. I am now absolutely fascinated by it....and actually have to respect the fact it isn't just a SUnday morning ritual like many others view their beliefs. Well, I take back everything I said about attempting to find a marriage ceremony that combines the two...by the looks of things you may have to choose. As armani princess said, talk to a sheik and maybe even a catholic minister and discuss your options. Whatever you decide though should be between you and your fiance, not your families and who will be hurt or disappointed. This is you starting your married life together and it can't be started with outside influences dictating how you live it. Best of luck.

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posted by abbey25

I'm muslim. I'm marrying a muslim man. I'm palestinian but was born here. My parents and relatives are all very religious. As far as I know this is how people in my religion/nationality get married in America (of course this is when both are muslim):
First we have an engagement party when we first get engaged.
Second we get married the muslim way. We either go to the mosque or the sheikh (the head of the mosque) comes to the house. Only two other witnesses are required to attend this. This usually happens a few weeks or even a few months before the actually reception. Keep in mind that this is taking into consideration that most muslim couples are not allowed to be left alone until they're married at least in the muslim way. Yeah I know that sucks but I'm sure this will not apply to you.
Third we get our marriage license.
The last thing is the wedding reception which is usually on a Sunday. Okay I seriously think that ppl of my nationality started doing this b/c most halls fit for wedding receptions are booked on Saturdays. Our receptions usually have an arabic band a lot of dancing and a lot of fun but without alcohol. Yes it's possible. I know people of my nationality usually have a henna the day before the wedding that includes painting the bride and grooms hand with henna. Yeah it's pretty freaky especially when your hands are a bright orange color for your wedding. A henna is more tradition than religion so you probably don't have to concern yourself with that.
If you follow the above steps and maybe exclude the engagement party and henna you should be all set.
Now this is if you are converting to islam. If not I don't know how your finace would feel about a church ceremony before the reception. I don't think he would be able to go through with that if he is a true muslim. But if he is just trying to accomadate his relatives beliefs and traditions just don't invite them to the church ceremony.

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posted by abbey25

by the way muslim brides usually wear the big white wedding dress. No traditional dress necessary unless you plan to have a henna which i highly doubt.

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posted by Viotti

Something you didnt mention is his cultural background. A traditional ceremony in Pakistan is not the same as in Saudi Arabia for example. My fiance is a paki muslim and I am christian so I can relate to the stresses you are having. The way their rituals work in pakistan are so different than what we think of as traditional christian here there was really no way to blend them. In pak., they have about a week of required ceremonies but the actual religious union is very small and private in comparission to ours. What we are doing to keep families content to the best of our ability is basicly having two seperate events. Another advantage this method brings is bonding time it requires to learn new cultural customs. In-laws really feel respected that you are trying to learn more about their culture which is always a good thing! One question though, have you talked about what traditions/beliefs you would teach your children? That is something you really need to talk about now if you ever think you wlil have kids. THe outside pressure you will get from family members on both sides will be tremendous. Good Luck with your bf! Its nice to hear someone else in a situation similar to mine . . I feel like i am in a lone boat sometimes! ~Best Wishes~

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posted by Viotti

BTW, not all shieks are like armani said. THat sounds pretty shiitte like Saudi. The wedding ceremony is not religious unified, in Palistine they marry in white dresses and everything! they are cultural tradtions. for instance, south asia doesnt use arabic and does not require a woman to be completely covered, thats in the hadith not the q'uran so there are MANY sunni populations that do not require that. You cant wear a miniskirt but you can definitely have your face showing nose, lips, cheeks, all of it. Talk to your bf to see how they practice that is the only way you can learn anything useful!