Never do these toasts!!!

[MarthaA562]

Check out this funny etiquette web site:
http://www.etiquettehell.com/content.../etoasts.shtml
Go to www.etiquettehell.com for more categories. You will be guaranteed to laugh your socks off!!

[Heather]

I love etiquette hell, the stories of BMs and crazy brides are great too!

[Leslee&Jake]

These are funny!! Great site!

[DragonYoga]

Some people!!!! I only hope that these crappy stories don't happen to ME!!!!

But man! FUNNY!!!

[555Ann555]

My mother was recently invited to a wedding in which she received a very nice invitation, It was the little typed note that accompanied it that was the kicker.

Mr. and Miss John Doe do not have a lot of money so they are asking that everyone pay their own dinner, it will be 20 dollars per person, also in lieu of gifts please make a monetary contribution to help Mr. John Doe move to Canada.

Needless to say my parents will not be attending the wedding and if they are to send a gift it will not be money.

Invitations0801-05



Didn't they stop by here at one point with a question about that invitation??? mcvs:

[munchkin]

Haha yeah, I think I remember that.
I love Etiquette Hell. I've been a member of the forums for awhile, and it's just insane what some people do.

[555Ann555]

We got pulled up in our local pub last year by a recently married couple that I've known for a few years. They wanted to know why we hadn't been at their wedding

1. We were never given a written invitation
2. The invite we did get was verbal, 2 weeks before the wedding & issued while they were drunk!



They said we should have come along anyway!

(they then went on to tell us how cheap the food had been, and what a horrible time they had on honeymoon! )

[555Ann555]

OK I'm still on that website!

My MIL, through no fault of her own, has always been the black sheep of her family. Because of this her parents never really did anything with her or my husband. When he was 8 they actually stole his allowance from him.

When we got married, we had a VERY small wedding with only about a dozen people in attendance. Our first shock was that they showed up to the wedding at all. The second was that they had brought a present. We weren’t expecting anything from them because of their history but they gave us an inexpensive toaster, the $7 Wal-Mart kind. What’s funny about it is that it wasn’t a new toaster, it was their old one. It had crumbs in the bottom and a cigarette burn on the side.

Because of the rest of this website, I feel like I should say that we really weren’t expecting presents from anyone and would’ve even been happy with a used toaster (it is still useful, after all), but if you’re giving someone something used, at least clean out the old crumbs! We found out later that they’d wanted a new toaster anyway so they bought themselves a nice, new one and wrapped up the old one for us.

PlainTacky0727-05

[DragonYoga]

I still haven't been able to pry my eyeballs off that site!

A good friend of ours is a guy named Mack. Mack is the eldest of four boys. Their mother died when they were fairly young, and their father remarried and went on to have one more child by his second wife. This child grew up to be a young woman named Barrie. Barrie had little or nothing to do with her four half-brothers as she was growing up, partly because of the jealous attitude of her mother and partly because of the age difference (Barrie is eleven years younger than the youngest of her four half-brothers).

So. Barrie, at the age of twenty, falls madly in love and decides she is getting married. Mack and his three brothers like the fiance well enough, but pity him, as they all think Barrie is the most self-absorbed, spoiled creature on God's green earth. Of course the four half-brothers and their spouses are invited to the wedding.

The wedding day comes and the brothers and their wives all show up. It is an outdoor wedding, with no tent, in the heat of July in central western Kentucky. There are only a dozen or so chairs up front "for family members," but not for everyone--the other guests are expected to stand. Mack and his wife Liz come to the usher at the beginning of the "aisle" in this meadow and he says to them, "Bride's side or groom's side?" He doesn't even know that they are family! When Mack says, "I'm Barrie's brother," the usher goes off to consult with Barrie's mom (Mack's stepmom) and comes back to say that Mack and Liz are expected to stand (as are the other brothers and their wives). They are apparently not considered family.

The wedding ceremony is over with and now everyone's standing around wilting in the heat, waiting to go through the receiving line. Mack and Liz are busy scrounging up chairs for some of the elderly folk who are in attendance, and trying to get them some lemonade or iced tea or even just plain water to drink as it's so bloody hot. They are told by the caterer, "No one is supposed to have a drink until the receiving line is finished." Mack, who is a doctor, finally says, "Look, buddy, some of these older folks are going to keel over if they don't get some fluids," at which point the caterer throws a hissy fit and goes off to consult with Barrie's mother. The word comes back that, oh, well, too bad if some of the older guests die of heat stroke--there are no drinks to be had. Mack is so peeved at this (and genuinely worried about the state of these elderly guests) that he gets in his car, goes to the nearest 7-Eleven, and comes back with bottled water, Cokes, etc. Guests descend on him, thanking him profusely, and all the older, sweating guests are provided drinks quickly. For his trouble, Mack gets screamed at by both the blushing bride, Barrie, and her mother, for "trying to run the reception." Witch0115-02

[DragonYoga]

this one's long but the last statement was hysterical!

The first part of this story could go under the Wicked Witches of the Wedding category .. the last part, I'm not sure. I kind of got would up once I started. My MIL and I got along just fine until she realized that her son and I were serious about each other .. then suddenly I became, in her eyes, the right hand of Satan. We were very young, and looking back on it, I can understand her freaking out about our being so serious, so young. As long as I live, however, I will never be able to understand the rest of her bizarre behavior.

We were in our teens when we announced that we wished to marry after DH got out of college. "Claudette" freaked and had several discussions with him about how he was too young and had not "played the field" enough to know what he wanted. OK, fair point, only she had made a habit of telling DH what he wanted his entire life. When he was unpacking his bags in his dorm room, he found a gigantic box of condoms she had bought and stashed for him in his luggage.

Fast forward several years, and countless episodes of weird and annoying behavior. DH and I are planning our small wedding. Neither of our families are wealthy, and DH and I were paying for the whole thing ourselves. At my mother's insistence, we asked Claudette if she wished to help, so as not to leave her out. She left no doubt that she had no interest in the proceedings. OK .. no problem. Our tastes are not compatible anyway, so this was probably for the best. I did ask her one favor (in hindsight, very foolishly) .. I asked her to address and mail the invitations to her aunts in a neighboring state. I have some modest artistic and calligraphic talent, so to save money (and for fun) I had handmade and scripted our few invitations. I had already put postage on them; all she needed to do was fill out the envelopes and put them in the mailbox.

I should have known something when NONE of his out-of-state relatives showed up, despite sending us some lovely gifts. DH was devastated and my heart ached for him. Despite that, the wedding went off beautifully and we didn't even have to use our bouncers. (Side note: our reverend was familiar with the situation, and when we asked him about possible disruptions during the ceremony, he suggested that we quietly designate a couple of family members as "bouncers" and have them ready to escort Claudette out if she started anything. We took his suggestion but fortunately, she behaved herself during the ceremony.)

After the ceremony, my sisters and I were talking in the hall near the kitchen of the church. DH had gone into the kitchen, and we heard him greet Claudette: "Well, Mother?" She replied coldly, "Well WHAT?" He gamely continued, "What did you think?" Claudette: "You got married. Was I supposed to JUMP for JOY?" My sisters immediately began to fuss over me, but all I could do was laugh. DH walked out shaking his head. We found out much later (YEARS later) that the relatives had never received their invitations. All they'd got was a series of impatient phone calls from Claudette saying that we weren't sending invitations, but that we wanted presents anyway. I could have throttled her, and kicked myself for entrusting the invitations to her, as NOTHING could have been further from the truth. I was looking so forward to my family meeting DH's great-aunts, who are a wonderful (and understanding) group of ladies. I have never figured out how much damage was done or how best to repair it.

About a year later, DH and I found a great deal and bought our first house. This was a big deal as we were the first in either family to do so. We didn't have much, but we spent many happy hours planning how we would decorate and the furniture we would buy. A couple of months after we moved in, Claudette showed up while I was at work with a trunkful of fabric scraps and leftover paint. DH met her at the door (since she never visited, he was a little wary). She cheerfully advised him that she was there to decorate! Just like this was some long-standing arrangement! He got rid of her, but not before having to explain why it was rude to assume you could come and decorate somebody else's house w/o their permission or so much as a by-your-leave. He told me later that her chosen colors looked like the Easter bunny had exploded in her car. (DH and I aren't pastel people, as Claudette was well aware.)

Years passed, and we entered into sort of a tentative peace with Claudette, mainly involving taking her in small doses, for the sake of DH and his father and brother. The final straw came six years into our marriage, when Claudette threw DH's 15-year-old brother out of her house over some minor infraction. We arranged to have him stay with us, and cut ties with Claudette. We have not voluntarily seen or spoken to her in the past 7 years.

Then, last month on DH's birthday, we get a call from Claudette. (How she got my cell phone number is another entry into EHell, but as this one implicates my otherwise saintly mother, we will let it slide.) Claudette spoke real big to me, just as friendly as you could imagine, wondering if I remembered some minor accident she'd had 10 years before. I didn't, so she got down to the real purpose for the call; she wanted to speak to DH. Her attitude was as if she had just been talking to him the day before and wanted to continue the conversation. I looked at him and he shook his head fervently. I advised her that he didn't wish to speak to her .. she wondered aloud what in the WORLD she had EVER done to make him not want to talk to her, and didn't I think we should just meet and talk about it all and move on? I said, quietly, "Claudette, we HAVE moved on." Then she got ugly, reminded me of what the Bible says about how to behave, snarkily wished us a "nice life" and hung up. When I looked at my cell phone display, I was shocked and amused to see that it was flashing "666". (The Biblical Mark of the Beast).

WickedWitches0830-04

[MarthaA562]

Man, Dragonyoga, that is a sad,yet hillarious story!! Sorry that you have to deal with such a monster!!!

[DragonYoga]

I thought it was funny as hell when I read that post from that poor poster!!!

[AngelRoseFyre]

Wow those stories really are pretty horrible.

That was a great one Dragon!!!!

[BJC777SRL]

I was recently surprised when, at a recent bachelor party for a college acquaintance, 2 female strippers showed up. Within an hour, these women were having things performed on them and vice versa - right in front of everyone in the living room.

It gets more horrific... the brother of the groom actually paid one of them to have intercourse with the groom. The groom actually did this IN FRONT OF the 20 or so guys who were there! It's repulsive that not only did the groom shake off concerns raised by some of us, but he actually had the gall to JOKE about it in his speech at the wedding! He stated specifically, "One of the things I love about *bride* is her innocence and acceptance of me. Heck, I could go do a stripper and she would love me still!"

The 3 groomsmen and several of the other males who had been there burst out laughing! He completely degraded her in front of everyone - all of the guests had speculated about what he had likely done for most of the night. (This is not only terrible "etiquette" but also just plain sickness).

I.
Would.
Kill.
Him.

And his brother.

[alongroadahead08]

I know this is horrible to post and I apologize if it offends anyone...but I read this today at ehell and I almost spit out my drink all over my computer screen...
This is a wedding toast from hell . . .

The wedding was nice, but the reception was held in what was basically a large, aluminum shed with a concrete floor. When the wind blew (it was November and quite cold), the aluminum not only rattled, but also let in quite a few drafts. Anyway, it's time for the toast to the new couple. The best man stands up and gives the typical toast of "long and happy life, know the couple was meant to be, etc." Then, as his conclusion, he offered some advice to the groom. He said, (and I quote), "My last bit of advice to you, Sam, is that you should never trust something that bleeds for five days every month and doesn't die."

what would you do if your husbands BM said that as his speech?!?! I would want to crawl in a hole and never come out!!!

[BJC777SRL]

I'd probably turn beet red.
And quite possibly cry.

[NovemberGal]

OMG, that is so out of line on so many levels. I wish they posted more of the reactions to that. I would think that's the kind of thing that would be met with stunned silence as soon as the guests realized what he meant. And a HORRIFIED groom, crushed bride, etc.

It's not even funny to READ, much less to experience!

[DragonYoga]

OMG. I would have smiled sweetly and said, "Well it's a good thing I'm not marrying you, isn't it?"

I'm assuming the dolt's so single not even a $2 ho would go near him.