Excluding children from rehersal dinner - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

chaos · #1 11-17-2006, 06:00 AM

I am the matron of honor at my sister's wedding, my son is the ring bearer, and my daughter the flower girl. We received an invitation to the rehersal dinner that was addressed to my husband and I only. My sister then called to let me know that her future mother-in-law wanted there to be no children at the rehersal dinner. They will be attending the rehersal and then we should take them to a sitter. (She did say she would be happy to give them a "pre-rehersal dinner" of their own, which I declined.) I've never heard of children that are in the wedding party being excluded from the dinner. In addition to this, my Aunt and Uncle who are also part of the wedding party will be coming from out of town and have children ages 12 & 15. My sister's mother-in-law has also specified that their children are not invited. I would never dream of excluding children that were in my wedding party or the children of adults from out of town that were in the wedding party. Is this appropriate?

munchkin · #2 11-17-2006, 06:37 AM

Yes, it's up to the hosts as to who is invited. Doesn't mean it's exactly fair, but it's not etiquettely incorrect.

Sh@ks18 · #3 11-17-2006, 09:08 AM

Ya, i agree with munchkin. Not very considerate, but what can you do?
unless you decided to leave early. That would be up to you

michandmitch · #4 11-17-2006, 02:12 PM

I agree with Munchkin. While it certainly isn't nice, it's not going against etiquette. Personally, I would never dream of such a thing but to each his own (I guess).

Leslee&Jake · #5 11-17-2006, 02:37 PM

It is her choice but that is Silly, IMO. Maybe all the kids can hang out together and order pizza and have more fun than the parents!!

Heather · #6 11-17-2006, 02:39 PM

Yep, unfortunately it's appropriate. I do think that offering to host a separate dinner for the kids is a really nice gesture. It seems to me the In-Laws want to have an upscale, adult-only affair and that's okay too. I would take them up on their offer of the separate dinner, or leave early as Shaks suggested.

ohiobride · #7 11-17-2006, 03:47 PM

I agree with Heather...the offering of a dinner for the children ahead of time is very gracious.

wynelle · #8 11-17-2006, 08:16 PM

Small children, even if the flower girl or ring bearer, are frequently not included in the rehersal dinner. In cases where I have been involved, the reasoning was that the rehersal dinner/party might go on late, and the young children would be better off in a place where they could go to bed. Who wants a tired grumpy flower girl the next day at the actual wedding? In this case, the hosts of the event had every right to be adults only, especially if there are going to be a lot of children at the actual reception.

I think the offer of a small private rehersal dinner for the children was a nice gesture.

feb-bride · #9 11-17-2006, 10:37 PM

What I can tell you is this: If my kids were in a wedding and were expected to be at the rehearsal but not invited to the RD, I would not be taking my kids to the rehearsal. I know that not everyone invites kids to the RD, but I would not take the time to drag my kids to a rehearsal and then be excluded from the dinner. IMO, if you want kids in your wedding, they should be included in all of the festivities. If you want adult-only affairs, don't have kids in your wedding party.

ljeagle · #10 11-18-2006, 12:32 AM

Is there going to be drinking at the RD. I know if we would of had a big RD with drinking and partying I wouldn't of wanted kids present.