Can't Agree On Ceremony Site

[MAYBRIDE2006]

My FH and I are stuck. We can't seem to agree on a ceremony site. This site is number five on the list. I nixed the first two and he nixed number three. Our problem starts with number three because it would not have cost us anything to use this place. He told me it was sacreligous and he wanted to get married in a church (he hasn't been to church in five or more years). But, I don't object getting married in a church, I actually wanted a church wedding but couldn't afford to with all the other things that I have to pay for. Well, site number four is a ways off for everyone in the wedding party and for the guests. Site number five would be perfect (like site number three). It is right across from the reception site and we can rent it for twenty-five dollars (yes, that is the correct amount). It is a chapel at a hospital that holds one hundred and fifty people. My aunt works at this hospital and can get it for me. I think it is a great ideal, it's in the perfect location, it has it's own enterence, it's big, and it is at the perfect price. When I told my FH about it, he laughed, then he gets all serious about it and says, "do you really think I would be comfortable with getting married in a place like that?". But, then he stated that he would have to see it, and that normally means that it will not happen. We have less that six months to go and I am on the verge of telling him to pick the place, reserve it, and pay for it because I am over it. He won't help me with anything else, so. What am I to do? Any sugestions?

[cru5h]

Find a new FH.

Just kidding.

Since he's the one objecting to every single thing, tell him to choose the place and pay for it, like you said.

[bebe]

I think what you need to do is make a list of things about the location that are important to you. Must have's and things that are dealbreakers. It's hard to find everything you want, especially when it seems like the two of you envision different things. Each of you should make your lists, compare them, take the things that match up and make those matches the final criteria for choosing your location. If that doesn't help you sort it out, then yeah - make him do it. And if he won't, well then I guess you get to say screw it and just book what you want! I don't think it is fair that you are doing all of the work, he is shooting down the ideas but isn't helping to find a solution. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

Welcome to Bliss!

[555Ann555]

Isn't there a bit of a risk that if you leave it to him he won't book anywhere at all?
If he's not helping you out with the plans at all I'd be asking him why. With six months to go it is definately time to get things moving, but I'm sure you know that! It's time for him to step up, this is his wedding too. Like Bebe said, it's not fair for him to shoot down your ideas with out having any of his own, you're both going to have to work through this, you'll have to find some way to comunicate with each other if you want this wedding to go forward.

Good luck with this!

BTW, my FH hasn't been too involved with the plans for our wed. but he's never had to organise anything before so it seems to be more a case of him not knowing where to start or what to do rather than not being interested... Have you asked him what if anything he does want for the wedding? If he doesn't want *** why not? What doesn't it have that he needs? Does he know anywhere that has what he's looking for?

[Complicated Woman]

I'm with cru5h!

Kidding kidding kidding.

But why is he being so difficult? I think bebe has a good suggestion, sit down and figure out what's most important to both of you and figure out how to make it work...you guys are going to have a lot of things to figure out over the course of your lives, might as well start now, right?

I'm sure you guys will find a spot that suits you both. Welcome to Bliss, we're here when you need to vent!

[Lizbet]

I would definitely talk w/ FH about what he is looking for in the ceremony location. Instead of just finding out (as he nixes places you suggest) what he doesn't want. Let him know your concerns about cost. Is he helping pay for the wedding? Are parents helping pay? Or, is it all you? Mybe if you make it more clear to him why you are having difficulty finding a location (cost & lack of info from him on what he wants) he'll be more helpful.

Good Luck!

And, let us know how it goes.

[labeadel]

I think you need to sit him down and really make him see how his behavior is not helping the situation. Tell him how this is making you feel and how you are to the point that you don't know where else to look. A lot of times if you sit down and talk about it, tv off and nothing else to distract, you can talk to each other and decide what you both want. Tell him also that he shouldn't shoot a place down before he sees it. That's the part that's bugging me the most.

Welcome to Bliss!

[syringa]

I agree that you need to talk about it and you also need to make him see that a decision is necessary because other decisions will hinge on it, such as ceremony music (what kind, what instruments), and possibly who will perform the ceremony. If possible, give him a date by which you need to have a place booked so that you can go on to the rest of the planning.

Many hospital chapels are quite pretty, with stained glass windows and nice woodwork. If this one seats 150 and has an outside entrance, then it is probably used for activities in addition to just being the hospital chapel. It could be the perfect place.

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

I'm with Amy (Labaedel). This is just the beginning of many difficult decisions in your marriage you're going to have to work through together--it only gets more complicated. It's important you learn how to sit down and each discuss your needs and wants and try to come to a decision that best meets what you're both looking for with the understanding of where you can each compromise. And, welcome to Bliss! (Or are we Pash now? )

[MAYBRIDE2006]

We have finally agreed on a ceremony site. It's not where I want to get married but it's better than his parents church (major southern baptist). I grew up methodist and his family is baptist. I don't agree with his families church and I do not like their preacher. I brought up the subject of "I already have a minister, we need to find a place where he can be the officant.....I know, how about that wedding chapel your sister got married in?" I let him think on for about a week or two and I finally said, "I will call the lady who owns it and check it out. If everything seems good, I will go ahead and reserve it." Well, needless to say, with everything that has been going on....I have reserved the wedding chapel. A little later than what I wanted to but it is done and I don't have to worry about. My next thing is the flowers. I want lavender roses and white lillies (the girls carry all roses and I have lillies and roses). I just hope the lillies are not too expensive.

[cru5h]

Awesome! I'm glad you came back to update us. A lot of people don't do that.

[feb-bride]

Thanks for updating us on this issue.

You should post another thread in the "Floral" forum about your flower issues. We love wedding-related posts!

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

That's great!