This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by labeadel on 7/17/05. Feel free to add your comments by pressing Post Reply.
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posted by labeadel
I've been having some officiant woes. First, I have a BM who suggested that I ask her grandfather to do our wedding, since he is a retired judge. I thought that would be a great idea hiring one of my BM's grandpa, instead of picking one off of the internet or yellow pages. Oh, and she told me he probably wouldn't charge much, since I'm a good friend of hers. She asked him a long time ago if he'd be able to do it. He said back in March (my wedding is in Oct) that it was still too far away and that he wouldn't give an answer so far out. So, I waited until about the 5 month mark and we went to visit him and his wife with my BM at their house for the day (swimming and bbq'ing). We didn't bring it up, we just wanted to meet the man and see if we'd like him to officiate. He was very nice, so I ask my BM for his email address and I emailed him myself to see if he's interested and available (she told me this would be the best way to get a hold of him). He never answered back, so I asked BM to ask him again and see if he ever got my email. Well, he informs her that he is now unavailable that day. So, I am now without an officiant.
I look online and find a few that I email and get some responses back. One guy lives down in Long Beach, which is a hike from where I live and really just wants to do phone interviews. I think I'd really like to at least meet my officiant face to face once before deciding to go with him or her. Well, we set up a meeting with that guy, and due to some Starbucks confusion, we never got to meet.
We did meet with another man that just seemed so out of it and scatter-brained, and very soft spoken, that neither FH or I can see him marrying us. We need someone who has more of a presence, if you know what I mean.
Well, we go and meet with a lady today and she was awesome!! She was totally professional and had several beautiful ceremonies that we can choose from, or mix and match parts of. She really asked about FH and I, how long we've been together, how we got engaged, 3 things we love about each other, and so forth. We LOVED her. Well, she then plops down her prices, and she costs $450 for the day, and then an extra $135 if we want her to do the rehearsal. All of the other people I looked at only cost about $250, with an extra $150 for rehearsal. She just seems so darn expensive. I really want to go with her, but the cost is a little higher than what I anticipated. What do you guys think? I'm just tired of looking at this point. I want this thing to be done and confirmed, but then at the same time, I don't want to pay way too much for something. Is $450 a lot, or is it within the typical cost of an officiant?
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posted by NovemberGal
I have no idea for the typical cost of nonreligious officiants or religious ones not attached to a church. My church requests a $200 "donation" for the services of the rector, including rehearsal. But there is no fee for the church itself, since I'm a member. So if these are comparable, it sounds like the others were more in line with what a church officiant would be, and this new one is expensive. But again, maybe you really can't make that comparison fairly.
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posted by syringa
I would go with this lady if you like her. As a wedding coordinator, I see all too many ceremonies where the officiant is one who does 4 or 5 weddings a day, pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket, stumbles over your names, then goes off to the next wedding. I don't recommend this type of person, but some couples only want it to be legal and they really don't care about the officiant.
It is not necessary for the officiant to attend the rehearsal, particularly if she charges so much extra to attend. Ask her for a copy of the vows and then give her a copy of the outline of the ceremony that includes all of the "extra" such as unity candle, readings, etc.
If you have a coordinator, the two of you should create a schedule for how people will enter and exit at the beginning and end of the ceremony. This is what is important to practice at the rehearsal. If you don't have a coordinator, you can create your own plan. Begin with the seating of the grandparents (who will escort them, where will they be seated), then the seating of moms (same information). If you are doing a unity candle, how will the moms light the side candles, etc. Then list the order of entry of the wedding party members, beginning with the groom and the officiant. End with the exit of the wedding party, exit of parents and the names of the ushers who will dismiss guests by rows. Give a copy of this information to the officiant and to the photographer. This plan is what you will use at the rehearsal.
While you are creating your plan for the day, also outline the order of activities for the reception and list an approximate time beside each. Give a copy of this to your photographer and DJ or band leader.
If you don't have a coordinator, you may want to ask an older friend or an aunt or a friend of your mother's to act as day-of coordinator. This person can attend the rehearsal and she can make certain that everyone gets down the aisle properly and that things flow smoothly at the reception.
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posted by Marge129
If you really like her, I'd try to make it work so she can marry you. You don't want someone to marry you just because they're cheap. You want the person that you get along with and feel comfortable with.
I'm not sure about the "norm" price. I got married at my church... I only had to pay $30 for a cleaning fee. Then I think we paid the officiant around $100-$150 for his services... .just because... it wasn't required.
~Margie
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posted by Irisheen
Hi Labeadel,
You should go with this woman - she sounds good. And the officiant can really make or break a ceremony - my brother and SIL had a horrible one (they picked her out of the yellow pages and didn't bother to check out anyone else). Needless to say, she was a disaster - started the ceremony in FRENCH (we live in Canada but my brother is certainly not French) and just made a mess of it all. Not professional. This lady you've found sounds professional and if you get everything sorted out ahead of time, like Syringa said, you'll be fine. Just get it all in writing so everyone knows what's expected of them. For a cost comparison, my priest is charging $300 for the church (we're members, but they need to upkeep it, I guess) and then we're supposed to get him a "gift" - I was thinking on spending about $100 - maybe a bottle of scotch and a gift certificate to Chapters - he's Irish and likes to drink, and he's also well-read so I hope he can buy a book he likes. Anyway, my point is that this'll cost us at least $400, so I don't think $450 is too unreasonable, as long as you're happy with her (and it looks like other options are just causing you more stress right now!) So get her to sign a contract, and then you can cross one more thing off your list. Good luck!
Officiant
Well anyway, you got a great deal!
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