Two Ceremonies

[transferred post]

This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by casmom93 on 10/01/05. Feel free to add your comments by pressing Post Reply.

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posted by msjgrad

Our wedding is set for June 2007. My fiance wants to elope next summer (06) and then have a separate ceremony here at home when we get back.
Does anyone know anything about two ceremonies: how they work, if you can do them, your opinions on them, etc?
I've never heard of the two ceremony thing, so I could use any help possible.

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posted by 080605bride

You would be having your wedding ceremony in Summer of 2006 and then renewing your vows in the summer of 07.

When you say you are eloping, I am assuming that you will be the only two.

When you come back, send out announcements that you have gotten married. And plan your Vow Renewal just like you would a "normal" wedding. Just make sure that when you send out invites that people know you are already married! Don't keep it a secret for a year!

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posted by msjgrad

His plan is to get married (just the two of us) in Conn. in 2006, then when we get home have another bigger ceremony that same summer (2006).
Apparently his good friend did this (they got married by the justice of the peace and also in gatlinburg).

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posted by 080605bride

What date is your wedding scheduled for? and when do you plan to elope?

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posted by msjgrad

We will be in Conn. around June 28, 2006, we have been thinking about having the "bigger, more formal" wedding in July/August 2006 (no date has officialy been set).

Is this a normal thing to do? I mean, what day would you even celebrate as your wedding anniversary? I personally am conflicted between the idea of having two ceremonies. Nobody knows that we are planning to elope and I don't think that our parents will be happy to find out we got married without them, so I feel that they might be reluctant to help us with the more formal wedding.
I was trying to find stuff online about this and I found out that Gwen Stefani and her hubby had two ceremonies, so I guess it's not totally out of the realm of ideas.

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posted by 080605bride

I know a lot of people that have had two ceremonies. It's just that the first one is your wedding (and anniversary) and the second one is your vow renewal.

Or you could go to Tenn and get married and then come back and have a reception and forgo (spelling?) the vow renewal part.

Some "chapels" are set up specifically for people who want to elope and they have packages that include everything for the ceremony, pics, flowers, video's. Maybe get something like that then have the reception and show the video of you guys getting married. If you get a package like that you are usually allowed to have a few guests.

http://www.centralfloridaweddingchapel.com/

That is the link for one of the chapels I am talking about that is in my area. I am just showing you it so you have an idea of what I am trying to say.


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posted by NovemberGal

0806 is right, you aren't having two marriage ceremonies. You can't have a wedding when you're already married. If you want to do the big church thing, you'll need a vow renewal, and if you just want to celebrate, have a reception celebration when you get back. Either way, the guests must be informed that you are already married, no one should be lied to or tricked into thinking they are attending your wedding when they are not.

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posted by wynelle

If your parents would be upset if you eloped, and would not want to pay for the "big" wedding... then lying is *not* how you want to start your marriage. And it will be a balancing act forevermore--- which date is the anniversary, what if you forget and put the *other* date on some documents, etc.

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posted by msjgrad

I would never lie to my parents about eloping...they just don't know any of the final plans yet--mainly because we are still undecided about what to do.

I've just been trying to find information out about the two ceremonies because I didn't know the technicalities behind the vow renewel/ceremony. I would never deceive any family member or friend as to what they were attending. That is just horrible to do.

But thank you for your help

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posted by wynelle

It becomes even more complicated. An officiant will not perform a wedding ceremony without a marriage license. To get a marriage license, you have to fill out paperwork and declare any previous marriages and the outcome (death, annullment, divorce). If you acknowledge you are currently married, you can't get a license, therefore your officiant can't marry you. He/She can only perform s vow renewal.

Your DF may think it is terrible romantic to elope, just the two of you, and have this big secret when you return; and then have a big formal wedding. But why go to all the stress, planning and expense of the big thing? If its the big reception, you can have that without the big wedding.

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posted by NovemberGal

It becomes even more complicated. An officiant will not perform a wedding ceremony without a marriage license. To get a marriage license, you have to fill out paperwork and declare any previous marriages and the outcome (death, annullment, divorce). If you acknowledge you are currently married, you can't get a license, therefore your officiant can't marry you. He/She can only perform s vow renewal.

Your DF may think it is terrible romantic to elope, just the two of you, and have this big secret when you return; and then have a big formal wedding. But why go to all the stress, planning and expense of the big thing? If its the big reception, you can have that without the big wedding.

It sounds like she wasn't intending to have a second "wedding" that people thought was the real thing (i.e., not say she was married when she was), she just didn't know how a second ceremony would work or what it would be called (a vow renewal).

I agree though, I'd just have a big ol' party when I got back, and not worry about the vow renewal so close to the original vows. A lot of people do a vow renewal on a significant milestone aniversary, like 5, 10, 50. You can certainly have a "reception to celebrate the recent wedding of..." without guests attending any ceremony.

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posted by feb-bride

If I wanted the "big wedding," I would not elope.

If I had eloped but still wanted to celebrate with my family/friends, I would just have had a belated reception without the vow renewal ceremony. When I think of vow renewal ceremonies, I think of people who've been married for a long time; not people who've only been married for a year.

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posted by e-star

I don't know what it is like in other states but for New York, they let you do both a religious and civil ceremony. Ie, you can get married at City Hall and then later have a full blown religious marriage ceremony, not just a vow renewal. You have to pay for another marriage license though.

I think it's because so many couples are international now and visa issues seems to be the main reason. I have several friends who got married in a civil cermony to expedite the visa process and then later got married again in a full religious ceremony.
But again, this was in NYC so you would need to find out the laws for CT.

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posted by Hudsbaby

I'm a bit confused as to why you want to hurry and have an elopement if you'd like to plan a more formal event later? Is there a need to get married sooner for some reason? My FH is in the Marine Corps, so I know that a lot of girls in that situation tend to have a small civil ceremony just because when it's pre-deployment time, people really don't want to risk waiting, you know? And there are benefits for the spouse left at home that wouldn't be available if they were only engaged. If this is your situation, then I think what you're proposing makes a lot of sense...if not, I guess I'm not clear on why you would want to have a semi-secret marriage for a year before having another formal ceremony?

Bottom line is it's up to ya'll...I don't know about using Gwen Stefani as your measurement-celebrities sort of do their own thing generally anyway . Good luck!