You know people like this don't you? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

cru5h · #1 12-07-2005, 12:16 AM

First I'd like to say that if use/d the internet to guide you with planning your wedding, allow me to cyber-hug you for all the friends and family members you aren't torturing with your lack of ettiquette.

I received an invitation to my cousin's wedding shower a few days ago, same people who misspelled both Richy and my name on the invitation. The wedding shower was for this Sunday. Cutting it kinda close there right? Whatever. So I called to let my future cousin-in-law (CIL?)'s mom know that we wouldn't be able to attend since we're celebrating my son's birthday this weekend. That was squared away.

I was at the store today picking out little suits for the boys to wear to their wedding. I called my mom (Aunt of the Groom? LOL) to see if it was going to be formal or not since the invitation was rather informal. Wedding's being postponed. Hello?! Didn't I just speak to someone on the phone who could have told me that little morsel of news? Nice of them to have a shower and accept gifts to a wedding that, in all probability, won't take place.

In a way, I hope it doesn't. The girl my cousin wants to marry is SO blind. I mean SOOOO blind. She could be crowned Miss Codependent 2005-2006 easy. My cousin is a meth addict. METH - that is some sh*t you just don't break free from, and he doesn't even WANT to break free from it. He's still in the delusion that he's controling himself. Yeah, the epitome of control is not being able to keep a job that doesn't even require strict hours, nor sitting behind a desk AND is owned by your brother. How much easier can it get? He's gone to rehab twice but hasn't finished. He's getting nothing out of it. He steals from people, and his fiance is no exception. He even ripped my MOM off. Not in the literal, going-into-her-purse sense, but my mom paid him to detail her car (that's the business his brother owns). So he comes to detail it, but doesn't finish it. He asked for the money up front, and I'd never known him not to finish a job, so I forked it over. He lied about how much I gave him, saying it was $20 shorter than what I told him it was, then he and his drug buddy probably went and smoked the cash up and were too high to come back and do the rest of the work. He told her he would come back and do the rest. Here we are, months later, still nothing. She's cleaned her car twice since then. I was so pissed. But I'm not the one to judge him. We've all got our problems.

And this girl, this poor messed up girl, still wants to marry him. WHY?sadfwlkdhasiudfskajbfiasldfg WHY do girls marry the first schmuck who puts a ring on her finger? I was guilty of it too, but I had the brains to see that it would have sucked to live my life with that man. My cousin proposed to her after knowing her for 3 months. None of us had even met her yet. I've seen her once....once. She's so pretty and has a great job. WTF does she tie herself to this person who doesn't care if he ruins her? I don't understand it. I really don't. She probably comes from the home of an enabler. See, here's what people don't realize - she was his "cure" when they first started dating. Now she's not enough anymore. Codependent squared.

I don't want this wedding to go on. I wish he'd do something that would push her away so she won't want to come back. He's that person who's drowning and would just as soon sink your ass too when you try and rescue him. The real point in this "wish" is that he'd hit rock bottom. He needs to ruin his own life for once. My uncle is too nice to him too. Whenever he didn't have a home he took him in, gave him money.

I hope my cousin fixes himself before he drags this girl to the ground, or worse, has a child with her.

Heather · #2 12-07-2005, 12:21 AM

Oh my goodness crush - I'm speechless. Yes me.

I hope that your cousin gets the help he needs. Meth is a crazy, crazy drug. I'm lucky to say that I don't know anyone addicted to it, that I know of, of course. I do see many documentaries about it though and I'm always blown away at how ONE hit can ruin your life for good.

I'm glad you were at least able to find out the wedding was cancelled before you went!

Marge129 · #3 12-07-2005, 12:32 AM

HOLY SH*T! I can't believe they didn't tell you the wedding was postponed when you called about the shower! That's so ridiculous! At least you found out, though... right? I wonder if they're planning on sending something out to the people they invited to let them know. It'd be real crappy not to.

I really hope your cousin gets the help he needs and his FW gets a good smack in the head to knock some sense into her.

gymrat · #4 12-07-2005, 12:48 AM

That is odd you were not informed of the wedding being postponed when you called. Hope your cousin gets the help he needs soon.

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #5 12-07-2005, 01:42 AM

Why would this girl be with him? Because she has such low self-worth that she thinks no one else would want her. She feels the only way to get love is to find someone else worse off than her that she can "save" and this would "cure" whatever f'ed up thing one of her parents has going on that she could do nothing but witness as a child. And if she can save him, then somehow that will heal her wounded inner child. The thing is, that is NEVER going to happen and it would NOT heal her issues even if it miraculously did. But she thinks if she can earn his love, then he will forever love her for being his savior. Because she doesn't love herself, she has no clue what she should have in a relationship from someone else. Paraphrased from the Four Agreements: We only allow others to treat us as poorly as we treat ourselves. To put it bluntly, she might look pretty and fine on the outside, but emotionally she's as f'ed up as your cousin--just in an opposite way so they "match up" in their dysfunction. If you were going to the shower, I would SO recommend you give her "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie!

SuzyBride · #6 12-07-2005, 01:48 AM

Some "friends" of ous back home are on meth. They cook it and all. We almost never see them anymore, but last time we did, the guy was walking around talking about the helicopters saying "Aww man, they're watching us man." Let me tell ya, that meth is some crazy $h!t!!! I hope your cousin gets the help he needs! And I sure hope that girl stays away from him, at least until he does get help.

cru5h · #7 12-07-2005, 01:57 AM

Yeah, I figured we could all use an unconventional "WTF" wedding story *nods* Too bad this isn't fiction. She has to have been abused or something, or had an alocholic parent. SOMETHING.

No one with any self-esteem would do what she's doing. She bought a house with my cousin. That's a foreclosure waiting to happen. I wonder if it was her parents who canceled the wedding or her. I'll find out next time I talk to my mom.

Oh man, my cousin was a mess before meth. Now he's just... well, let's just say I won't be surprised to hear of his death. That's not what I want, I swear, but I've prepared myself for that because that's where he's headed. My uncle should have him Baker Acted or something. He is a danger to himself and should be forced to stay in treatment and suffer through the withdrawl. The sad part is, that will not be enough because he thinks he's strong enough to be in that lifestyle and not do it. He hasn't admitted that this drug controls him, not the other way around.

Heather · #8 12-07-2005, 02:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cru5h

well, let's just say I won't be surprised to hear of his death. That's not what I want, I swear, but I've prepared myself for that because that's where he's headed.

I am SO with you on this. My brother is an alcoholic and will probably be dead within the next 18 months. Everytime my phone rings and its my Mom or Sister, I get this feeling in my stomache like - this is it.

MattandMegan · #9 12-07-2005, 02:38 AM

Wow! I felt like I was watching an episode of "Intervention" on A&E while I reading that story! (maybe you should contact the show... it seems like it does a lot of good!!) I've never touched any kind of drug, so I can't even imagine what it's like to get hooked on something heavy duty.

Hopefully things work out for the best. I think the second I found out my SO did something like that, I'd be out the door. I don't think I'd even try to "fix" his problems. I'm interested to hear who called it off!!

Complicated Woman · #10 12-07-2005, 03:06 AM

Oh man, how terrible. This poor girl. What a huge, huge, huge mess.

I agree with the others, it sounds like she has absolutely no self esteem, otherwise she wouldn't put up with such nonsense. I hope she manages to see that she is a valuable person and doesn't need to spend her time rescuing someone who needs help so far beyond what she can give.

ETA: Cru5h, to answer the initial question, I know people like that, too. I used to go to school with this couple that was just so, so, so wrong for each other. The girl was a psycho and she didn't love anyone but herself. A month before her wedding, she confessed to another friend of mine that she "liked" him and wanted to know if he had a crush on her, too. WTF??? First of all, are we 12? You "like" him and want to know if he has a crush on you, too? Second of all, my word, a month away from your wedding, you're asking this crap? What are you even doing spending all this alone time with a guy other than your fiance?? Beyond that, she was failing her classes, accumulating massive amounts of debt, and was constantly throwing herself at several other guys.

Ugh. And the guy she was with was just great. Really smart and fun and totally devoted to her. He just couldn't see how horrid and how not ready to be married she was. We're all just waiting for thier marriage to end.

labeadel · #11 12-07-2005, 03:06 AM

I don't even know what to say to this. Man, that sucks. Sorry your cousin is so effed up. His woman needs to get away ASAP.

PlanetClaire · #12 12-07-2005, 05:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MattandMegan

Wow! I felt like I was watching an episode of "Intervention" on A&E while I reading that story! (maybe you should contact the show... it seems like it does a lot of good!!)

You read my mind!!

Yep, some women are their own worst enemies.

Hope she gets cold feet! I was going to make a cheesy "Ice" reference but can't think of anything funny- although I'm not downplaying the seriousness of the thread, I assure you!

Heather · #13 12-07-2005, 01:54 PM

I've written to the show about 15 times now. I've never heard anything back from them.

cru5h · #14 12-07-2005, 02:16 PM

I've never even heard of the show :X

bebe · #15 12-07-2005, 04:22 PM

I really feel for you guys. I can't imagine having to live through someone so close to you having an addiction. I mean, I know how much it hurts me when I see my youngest sister make yet another bad life/job/boyfriend decision, I can't imagine throwing substance addiction into the mix of that, it would probably kill me before it killed her. It is so sad to have to just walk away from these people and accept that they are probably going to kill themselves with their addictions and there isn't anything you can do about it. It is so sad, but it is good that you have recognized the problems for what they are, and know you can't really do anything for them, and you haven't gotten tangled up in the web. That takes a tremendous amount of strength. I am so sorry that you have to witness this.

cru5h · #16 12-08-2005, 01:37 PM

I got the notice in the mail today about them postponing the wedding. My mom heard about the wedding being postponed before what I'm about to tell you happened so it's not all this, but it's certainly enough to ruin anyone's wedding. Her Maid of Honor died

I don't know how, but she was probably only in her early 20s. That's so screwed up.

I'm not trying to be an a-hole or anything, and say that this is a sign, but I am a writer - and I write things like this all the time. When something is not meant to happen, you can't force it.

I knew a girl whose husband cheated on her, so she left him and immediately started divorce papers. She linked up with a new guy right away and fell madly in love (not lust, they didn't get bizzy - it was a rebound thing I think). He proposed, bought her a puppy for Valentine's day, all sorts of sweet shit. Well, the puppy died not too long after being given, and then like a week later she was bitten by a spider on the same finger where her engagement ring was so she couldn't wear it anymore. Then her ex, who's only in his early 20s, had something happen - like a mild stroke or something that normally only happens to older people, and she ended up having to be his caregiver for a while. This caused old feelings to come out, new feelings to shut down about her new man, and she and her ex husband ended up working things out. And are getting remarried this month. See - the 'signs' they're everywhere (Fools Rush In quote). If it's *really* not meant to be, it won't be. Sometimes the warnings are more subtle, but in the case of my cousin, they weren't. They were huge, she ignored them and then the sign became unignorable, if that's a word.

Complicated Woman · #17 12-08-2005, 04:31 PM

Oh, how horrible about her MOH...yeah, I think I would postpone my wedding, too. I wonder if the MOH was also into drugs?

bebe · #18 12-08-2005, 05:20 PM

That is so sad! Rick and I actually talked about what we would do if there was a tragedy close to our wedding date. We have a few relatives who aren't well (my grandmother, his dad, our best man's father who we are very close to.) We never even really thought about if something happened to our wedding party, I guess you just don't think about things happening to young healthy.

I know what you mean about 'signs' Vic. It's like when one small thing happens, I don't think anyone ever thinks anything of it. But when so many things keep happening all over the place, I can never chalk it up to coincidence.

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #19 12-08-2005, 05:33 PM

That's tragic. But, it's also pretty sad that it's not postponed because she suddenly realized what a mistake it is. Had SOME hope there! I automatically assumed she died from drugs--since we know her friends are into them. I realize I'm not exactly empathetic--I just find it hard to have empathy for someone if they choose to do drugs--they're just doing it to themselves. I would feel worse if it was some other tragedy. Those signs were pretty extreme! Wow!

cru5h · #20 12-08-2005, 06:04 PM

I automatically assumed car accident, for some reason. My cousin's girl is a really "good girl". I'm sure she's hit the Mary J. a couple times but she's not a user, from what I can see - which again, makes me wonder why she'd want to be with my cousin! I don't know about her friend though. All it takes is that one time, you know...

I feel really bad for her. I don't know what I'd do it I lost my BF

deputysgurl · #21 12-10-2005, 12:24 AM

wow, all of that really hits home. My stepdad died in a car accident from being on drugs and being drunk. And now my brother is into meth. He is always doing it. (needless to say he doesn't like matt cuz of matt wears a badge.) My brother had a car accident a few weeks ago, he called me at 4:30 in the morning and tell me he just totaled his car, but he didn't know where he was, he didn't even know if he was ok. . I called my mom and we all went looking for him and he was only 2 miles from his house. I wish he would wake up and see what he is doing to his life and also what he is doing to his family (his son is only 7 and the greatest little kid I know). I don't want to loose anyone else to drugs

. Just thought I would add that.

Anyways, your cousins fw needs to really be smacked, if she doesn't see what she is getting herself into, she needs a wake up call and fast. Im sorry to here about her MOH, but all the signs are there, they shouldn't get married.