Who will throw my parties?? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

MarthaA562 · #1 10-10-2006, 06:50 AM

All of my best girlfriends have moved away to California and I am afraid no one will throw me any kind of shower. They moved together, are struggling financially, and cannot commit to being in my wedding. My mom is my MOH, but I have heard that it is not proper etiquette for her to do these kind of things. I have only been living in this town and do not have a lot of close friends yet. Its kinda depressing, if you think about it...

munchkin · #2 10-10-2006, 08:04 AM

No, your mom should not throw you a shower.
Honestly, this is going to sound really mean and I do not mean it to, but a shower is not something you automatically get to have. It's a cool thing and it's nice to get one, but it's only a nice extra and shouldn't be expected.

Emily · #3 10-10-2006, 11:25 AM

Hey there, dont worry yourself! We dont even have Wedding Showers in NZ or the UK!

Heather · #4 10-10-2006, 12:40 PM

Aww, I'm sorry Martha, but Munchkin is right. Bridal showers and bachelorette parties are not obligatory and not something we should expect. I know that they're awesome to have, and on some level it is expected, but unfortunately that's just not the case. If I could I would throw you one!

You never know though, they may plan something.

Julz518 · #5 10-10-2006, 01:44 PM

Personally, and I know its not proper ettiquette, but if your mom is your MOH and WANTS (i.e. offers without you asking) to throw you a shower, then I say let her! Especially if she has family and close friends that she would like to invite and celebrate her daughters weddign with, I don't think anyone would mind... or if she wants to throw you a shower, but is uncomfortable doing it herself, maybe a close aunt or cousin will (though askign them too would be tacky).

ljeagle · #6 10-10-2006, 04:23 PM

Don't let your self get depressed about it. I never had a shower! If your mother wants to have one let her. You have a lot more to figure out then to worry about a shower.

Heather · #7 10-10-2006, 04:27 PM

I've been thinking about this, and what you could do is ask your Mom to ask your BMs if they plan on throwing something and if so, she needs a date so she can plan accordingly. It takes the heat off you, gives the BMs a chance to say yes or no, or they could say they thought that she was throwing one. Your Mom could throw one and then just list the BMs as hosting. It's sneaky, but I know I would have been upset if I hadn't had a shower.

Robyn Lynn · #8 10-10-2006, 04:38 PM

I was slightly in the same boat. My Maid of Honor lived out of state and was super busy with Podiatry school finals and moving across country for her residency and my Matron of honor did not have any money to throw a shower.

I was at my aunt's home for dinner and she asked about a shower and I explained my situation and said I didn't know if I would have one. About a week later she offered to throw me one(which I was hoping for).

Also, don't get discouraged that you don't have close friends around....I'm the same here. I started getting involved with stuff though(church, groups, clubs, etc) and am beginning to meet people and exchange phone numbers and stuff. It just takes time.

Leslee&Jake · #9 10-10-2006, 05:23 PM

I think it is fine for who ever to throw you a party who wants too. Plus you have a little while until your wedding who knows your girlfriends have about a year to save money to be able to be involved! Stay positive!

labeadel · #10 10-10-2006, 08:04 PM

I know proper etiquette says that your mom shouldn't throw you a shower, but I think in this case it's ok. Plus, I didn't even know this restriction until I started planning my own wedding. My point? Most of your guests probably won't know it either.

PlanetClaire · #11 10-10-2006, 08:09 PM

When does a shower and/or bachelorette party take place anyway? A couple of months before the day? So...you have over a year to make some friends! That is hard, I agree and takes time and effort- which may be good so you don't spend ALL your time on wedding planning!!

I think with people loving all over the country etc..it would be perfectly fine for your Mom to throw it for you.

And I didn't have a shower either or a bachelorette party.

You'll be fine!!

lisa82 · #12 10-11-2006, 02:57 AM

This is a tough question. I know what etiquette says, but i'm not one for ettiquette. I say, to each their own. I guess it depends on the reason you want a shower. Is it because of presents, getting together with everyone, or just because it's part of the whole wedding thing? If it's for presents, then yeah, I guess it would look bad for your mom to host it. Although if I were invited to a shower by the brides mom, it wouldn't bother me at all and I wouldn't even think twice about it. If it's just to get together with everyone, your mom could organize it but not call it a shower, just a get together so all the important ladies in your life can meet each other. And if it's just for the whole wedding experience...then have your mom host it and anyone who is offended by that doesn't need to come!!!!

Sorry, I'm someone who gets far more offended by people who are easily offended than the actual problem to start with. I know that by having your mother host it, it supposidly looks like a "gift grab", but really isn't that half the reason people have showers? For me, if I didn't want to buy someone a gift, rather than be offended by who was hosting the shower, I just wouldn't go. But that's just me I guess. Do whatever you think is right. If you or your mom would be offended by going to a shower hosted by the brides mother then either don't have one or wait and see if your friends are able to. And if stuff like that doesn't bother you, then go ahead and have your mom host it. Sorry I can't be of more help. I didn't want any of the pre-wedding parties so none of this was an issue for me. Good luck!

wynelle · #13 10-11-2006, 03:10 AM

Martha- as you have been told- a shower is a perk not a requirement. Since your friends/family live all over the country, and you have already said it would be too expensive for them to participate, who would you expect to be attending this shower?

I think you will be making friends over the next 9 months, plus possibly working. I'm sure that someone will offer to hold a shower for you. Usually women at work hold a little social for new brides, new moms, retiring people., etc. Just give yourself a little time.

If you really want your mother to do it, ... never mind, I don't think it would be appropriate for your mother to host your shower. IMO it would feel too much like a gift grab, especially if you don't have any other friends in the area who would like to host a shower.

MarthaA562 · #14 10-11-2006, 05:53 AM

I am not really looking for gifts or anything. I just miss my good friends, and don't have time with my job to really make new ones... Its hard to not have that girlfriend to go shopping with and give me honest opinions. I am not that worried about the shower for getting anything... just for the party itself.

Complicated Woman · #15 10-11-2006, 05:19 PM

Robyn Lynn · #16 10-11-2006, 07:00 PM

labeadel · #17 10-11-2006, 07:05 PM

Personally, I think every bride should have a shower. It's part of the fun of being a bride.

Kim&Bob2004 · #18 10-11-2006, 11:50 PM

I agree, just as every new mom should too.

It's hard when you don't know anyone though, and it's not like you can ask for someone to throw a shower for you...... Before I even got engaged my MH got married and I threw her one and at the time she wondered how she could repay me, I laughed and said if I ever got married she could throw me one. She and one of my BM's went in together and did it..... I was excited and am glad because it's part of the wedding expereince...... I hope you have one, and don't worry, most showers are not until 4-6 weeks before the wedding (at least one I know about IRL).... plenty of time.

justnmary · #19 10-11-2006, 11:59 PM

See, I'm the opposite....I oppose all stuff that draws attention to me other then the wedding itself.....yea, I'm weird, I know. I'll admit it......

maroki13 · #20 10-12-2006, 01:04 AM

I'm not super big on etiquette either, so I think that it would be perfectly fine for your mother to throw you a shower. Honestly, from the point of a guest, I wouldn't view it as a gift grab; more as a mother providing her daughter with a special experience that is often part of the engagement/marriage process.

And if you are really worried about it appearing to be a gift grab, your mom could request people not bring gifts or something! Instead, she could ask everyone to bring a dish (potluck style) along with the recipe as their "gift" to you, or something along that line.

MarthaA562 · #21 10-12-2006, 04:00 AM

Yeah, I just attended a bridal shower that was hosted by her mother. Her MOH lived too far away. I thought it was great of her (it was a suprise!!) and she was worried that she would not have one... not for the gifts... it is just depressing when you feel that you have no girlfriend close enough to do that for you. It is hard to make friends with my job schedule!!! Most of the fellow managers in the area have crazy schedules too... so it is hard to get together with them. Thats why I am glad I have this forum... so I can get some honest opinions... My FH has no clue about a lot of this stuff and doesn't really want to hear me change my mind like 10 times a week about things. He is so uncomplicated... I am complicated... but aren't all brides??? We have been dreaming about this all of our lives and want it to be perfect.

BusyBride2007 · #22 10-25-2006, 06:10 AM

I 100% agree with lisa82. You want one, and I think you should have one. I want a shower, and I will have one! My sister is one of my MOH, and if I have to tell her I want one, I will. I love get togethers like that, and really, how often do you get to have a wedding shower!?

michandmitch · #23 10-26-2006, 02:26 AM

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with your mother hosting the shower. My mom really wants to host mine but so does my MOH. I'm letting my mom handle most of the details (she loves that kind of stuff) but I told her that she needs to communicate with my MOH about the event. Don't worry, things will work out for you