This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by TedLovesMe on 10/15/04. Feel free to add your comments by pressing Post Reply.
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posted by TedLovesMe
I really really dislike stuffy formal weddings where you are seated by ushers, and I know ZERO little kids that could be FG or RB and I've never really liked the idea of either of them anyway. Would people find it strange not to have any of those? I'm all about mostly nontraditional and eliminating all of them could be a huge cost break....any ideas? Will anyone hate me forever if I don't include any of these people? Thanks!!!
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posted by trudyk
I know exactly how you feel! I won't be having any flower girls, ring bearers or ushers. I don't really think people will mind too much and if they do too bad! It's my day!
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posted by hermom
Good morning, Ladies! Just a thought to share with you. First off, no I don't think you need to have a FG or RB, and ushers aren't a requirement. That being said, do you think your guests will be a bit confused to arrive at your venue and it is a "seat yourself" deal? That's not a bad thing, but I think I would be confused and wonder where I was supposed to sit.
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posted by teddy6
We only had MOH and Best man. We had no ushers - but we had his 12 yr old niece handing out programs. I suppose if anyone wondered where to sit she wouldve directed them, but I dont think it was a problem. We also only had about 80 guests. If you are having a very big wedding maybe ushers would be more important.
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posted by gymrat
Steve and I did not have ushers, FG, or RB. I told Steve that the GMs would be ushers if we needed them which worked out fine. Everyone seemed to know which side to sit on though I really do not think it would of matter if someone I know had sat on what is suppose to be the "Groom's side." I had my twin girl cousins (13 or 14) stand by my guest book and programs since it was not totally obvious that this where the book and programs were. Best of Luck.
Smiles,
Lisa Marie
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posted by wynelle
It is certainly a bride's option not to have a FG or a RB. But it is a big help, if you are having more than 50-75 guests, to have at least one usher. First---who is gong to seat the immediate family in the corrct place? The last thing you want is for an acquaintance and her date to be sitting in the second pew, and your beloved Aunt Frances and her two children to be stuck in the back. That is the main purpose of the ushers...because most brides and grooms would prefer that certain people are seated within the "famiy seating." Plus someone has to be there to close the doors before the bride makes her entrance!
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posted by teddy6
We resolved the issues that Wynelle mentioned in this way. We had pew bows only on the 1st 2 rows of pews - that way everyone knew that they were reserved for family. As far as seating the mothers, the best man simply escorted his mom in then when back and escorted my mom in. I should also say that we were married in a small church with a very short aisle, so that made this rather easy.
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posted by teddy6
oh, and as far as closing the doors - the church had coordinators who took care of that.
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posted by feb-bride
We didn't have ushers. We did have groomsmen, but they did not double as ushers. The only guests who were formally seated were my step-mom, my mom, my in-laws, and my grandparents. Everyone else seated themselves, and there was no confusion because we didn't have a bride's side or a groom's side.
The chapel coordinator closed the doors before my entrance.
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posted by munchkin
Hello hello,
The only attendants DJ and I are going to have are my two honour attendants *MOH and man of honour, so I guess, both MOHs if you take it literally* and my three bridesmaids, his best man and 3 groomsmen, maybe one more if he decides on someone else. No one in either family will be young or old enough to be RB or FG, and I don't really want them in the first place, ours being a completely kid free reception and ceremony. In the weddings I've been to, people sat themselves and it worked out fine. It seems kind of self-explanatory for the families to sit up front. My mom and dad are walking me down the aisle together, DJ's mom and both grandmothers are dead, and my grandmother is going to be escorted to her seat by my brother, who will then sit beside her.....If you have any other questions, I'll answer them, I'm on a roll right now.
Oh, and we're getting married outside, so there won't be doors to close unless I become Bridezilla and insist on building doors
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posted by TedLovesMe
LOL Munchkin. I was just watching a home improvement show about....DOORS! I just had a hilarious mental picture of everyone waiting patiently while Bob Vila appeared and whittled a big door for you to talk through during your outside wedding. hehe. I'm hoping for a teeny tiny ceremony but once immediate family and a handful of friends are added we're probably looking at 100 people. I want it to be informal enough that people won't feel pressured to sit on one side or the other or wonder where to sit. Maybe it is a good idea though just to have one person on hand watching out for "wanderers". Thanks for all the input! You gals are super duper!
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posted by feb-bride
Part of the reason we didn't have "sides" at the ceremony was because I had over 75 family members in attendance, but my husband only had two (his parents). If we'd had sides, I would have had a little over 100 people on my side; my husband would have had less than 25 people on his side.
Usually, if you don't have ushers seating all of the guests, people will just seat themselves evenly amongst the sides of the aisle. If you want the front row or two reserved, you can always tie a ribbon across the aisle so that people know not to go past the ribbon.
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posted by Netty
We only had a MOH & Best Man. I did have my niece as a flower girl, but only because she is the cutest thing in the world (what, you think I am biased?!
) and I wanted her to do be a part of it, because she wouldn't get an oppotunity like that again.
As for sides, we had a small garden ceremony and I had my two really good friends as hostesses let people know where to go. There were only chairs for the "elderly" guests and my Dad (he is really sick). Everyone else just stood, and like Feb, I had like 75% and Colin had 25% of the guests, so I am glad that it wasn't a "set" thing. Everyone found their way... they always do.
~Lanett
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posted by TedLovesMe
Hi all. I was at a wedding this past Friday and two of the groomsmen acted as ushers and it worked fairly well. It was a small wedding (120 people) in a small room. There were no FG's or RB's and I thought it worked ok for them. So...I think my final decision is to skip the FG and RB and just make sure there is someone around to keep the sheep herded towards the right gate.
Thanks for the advice!
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posted by ForLfKlovr
Well - I decided not to have any attendants at all! I completely understand about not wanting a "stuffy" wedding. Not to step on anyones toes... I want mine to feel more like a celebration - not a bunch of rules everyone has to follow. So, I say - do what you want to do and what you feel comfortable with. It is your special day and should be how you envision it.
Patricia
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posted by Netty
Hi Patricia,
Just out of curiosity, don't you have to have at least one attendant? Legally, you need a witness to stand up for each of you.
I could be wrong....
~Lanett
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posted by munchkin
Can't parents be witnesses?
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posted by Netty
Anyone that is legal age can be a witness, but they must stand beside you, I think. Other than just in the "audience" they have to see you take your vows, and witness that you are of sound mind and body (or something like that)!
~Lanett
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posted by syringa
No, you don't have to have someone stand with you. Anyone who attends the wedding ceremony is a witness that the marriage occurred. When couples choose not to have a wedding party, they choose two people to sign the marriage license after the wedding. It might be a parent from each side or a sibling. Those people are usually honored to be asked to sign.
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posted by feb-bride
All you have to do to be a witness is to witness the wedding ceremony and be of legal age.
No ushers, FG, RB, is this ok?
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