Declining Party - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

chaos · #1 10-07-2006, 04:03 AM

My sister is getting married in a couple of months. She is having parties thrown in our home town by our family friends. However, she has learned that her fiance's mother's friends offered to through her a shower in his home town (also where my sister has lived for several years) and the mother of the groom told them it was not necessary. I feel this was not her place to do and that my sister should be able to enjoy her engagement time as well as any showers that people would like to give her. There is no other party scheduled for her in the town that she and her fiance live. Is there an appropriate way for her to tell her mother-in-law to be that she is dissapointed about this decision and the fact that she was not consulted first?

munchkin · #2 10-07-2006, 04:34 AM

It might be better for her fiance to tell his mother that she was disappointed. Otherwise it may look greedy and gift grabby if she tells her herself.
One thing to keep in mind though is that showers are not a given when you get engaged. They're extra nice things, but they are not required and they should not be automatically expected.

Heather · #3 10-07-2006, 04:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by munchkin

One thing to keep in mind though is that showers are not a given when you get engaged. They're extra nice things, but they are not required and they should not be automatically expected.

Totally agree.

My mother-in-law (MIL) threw me a second shower in her hometown (where my hubby grew up) so that I could meet her friends and co-workers. At first I was a little freaked out because I thought I would look greedy (mom's and MILs shouldn't throw showers), but my sister-in-law (SIL) who was in the wedding was listed as the host.

I was so happy that she did, because I met some wonderful people and members of my husband's family that I hadn't met yet. However, anyone invited to the "main" shower should not be invited to this second shower. Maybe her Future MIL thought that there would be a cross-group of people invited to both and didn't think it was proper to do. I doubt she did it to be mean spirited.

Definitely have her fiance talk to his Mom about it and not her.

chaos · #4 10-07-2006, 04:48 AM

I absolutely understand it is not required. However, the point here is that a shower was offered by friends of the grooms mother and the grooms mother took it upon herself to decide it was not necessary. BTW - this is a very lavish wedding with 500 guest (half of which are being invited by the grooms mother). I'm having a hard time understanding why she would deny them the fun and excitement of having a wedding party in their town. When I got married 8 years ago, my mother-in-laws friends hosted 3 different parties for me (different groups of friends attended each) in addition to the parties given by friends of my parents. It was a very memorable & joyous time in my life.

Leslee&Jake · #5 10-07-2006, 05:58 PM

It wasnt right for her to say no! especially if she is inviting all those people!!