Husband deploying soon - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Robyn Lynn · #1 10-05-2006, 01:36 PM

As of right now, my husband's deployment date is October 16th. Only 11 days. I am so sad

. I have been crying everyday. I constantly worry that he's going to come home and tell me they've moved up the date.

We have a barbeque to go to today that I am not looking forward to. I really don't like socializing with his troop and their families. It's hard to explain, but I feel like no one is really interested in getting to know me and I'm really shy so it is hard for me to just jump in and be sociable. There's one wife who always makes an effort to talk to me and I am always friendly and gracious with her because I appreciate that.

I actually made friends with wives outside of my husband's unit. One in particular has been extremely nice and helpful and that's who I would rather be hanging out with. I think my husband was hoping I'd make friends with all the wives in his troop, but that's just not happening. He's relieved I've made some friends, though!!!

I'm also finding out that as an Army wife, there is a lot expected of me and I'm just not used to that. Basically, if you marry an Army man, you've joined the Army, too!!

It's expected that I go to all these social events(including a ball last Friday -- that was not as fun as one might think -- in fact, it was downright boring and I had a terrible time) and get to know everyone and it's annoying.

I did volunteer on my own to help make 1500 apple pies over 4 days

(i did 4 hours a day) and that's where I met some people and decided to join the historical society(who organized the event). I guess that was acceptable, because my DH told his sergeants and he says they were happy to hear I did that. I am choosing to believe that they have been worried about me being alone all the time (I kind of live in the middle of nowhere) and are happy I am doing something to keep me occupied, especially during deployment. What they don't know is that I am used to being alone(not lonely, just alone) and finding things to keep me busy that I can do on my own. I am one of those people who can actually go out by herself. I go to the movies by myself, amusement parks(okay, once), and I like to just take off in the car and drive and just see where a road goes. I don't like to go to restaurants alone, but most everything else I don't mind.

Anyway, that's what's been going on with me.

fallbride · #2 10-05-2006, 02:00 PM

I know that will not help that your hubby is leaving. My friend went thru the same thing with her hubby. She has kids that kept her busy. You might want to think of some hobbies that you can do while he is gone. My friend made a scrapbook for her husband from all the pictures he took while he was gone. Dont forget to save some time everyday to write to your husband.

I am sorry you are going thru this, but we are all here if you need to talk.

Robyn Lynn · #3 10-05-2006, 02:08 PM

I plan to write to my husband everyday (I have that thin airmail paper so he doesn't get stuffed envelopes) and mail the letters once a week and then send care packages once a month.

I'm trying to get involved with some stuff on post and plan to get a job after the holidays. I have a trip at Thanksgiving and Christmas planned to visit family. I scrapbook and have an army one started for DH

I think that nighttime will be hardest when he's gone. Anytime I have to stop and think about him not being here.

Thank you for the hugs

Complicated Woman · #4 10-05-2006, 02:10 PM

Oh, Robyn, I'm so sorry he's leaving so soon.

He is in my prayers and so are you as you adjust.

Leslee&Jake · #5 10-05-2006, 02:20 PM

Robyn, I am so sorry he is leaving. Just try your best to keep happy these next few days, I know its hard. As for those other Army wives.... just wait it out. they will come around. if their husbands ae being deployed soon they might be acting a little weird because of it! Best of luck to you! I also will keep you and him in my prayers!

Kim&Bob2004 · #6 10-05-2006, 02:53 PM

Robyn, I am so sorry. I know it is gonna be hard..... It's unimaginable. This is where being involved with a few other wives that know how it feels like is a good thing. I am going to be praying extra hard for you and your DH.

gymrat · #7 10-05-2006, 03:15 PM

Sorry to hear!!! My thoughts are with you.

Heather · #8 10-05-2006, 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robyn Lynn

What they don't know is that I am used to being alone(not lonely, just alone) and finding things to keep me busy that I can do on my own. I am one of those people who can actually go out by herself. I go to the movies by myself, amusement parks(okay, once), and I like to just take off in the car and drive and just see where a road goes. I don't like to go to restaurants alone, but most everything else I don't mind.

I'm the same way Robyn. I actually prefer going to the movies alone, sometimes going to restaurants by myself too. I'm someone who really values time with myself. That sounds funny when I write it like that but it's true. The only exception are scary/horror movies. I have a group of guys that I go with to watch.

I'm so sorry about your hubby being deployed. It sounds like you'll be okay though. Even though you're not as close to the other Army wives, it sounds like you have a good support group to help you if it should be too much. You know that you always have us too.

Marge129 · #9 10-05-2006, 04:19 PM

I'm sorry sweetie. You know we're here!

Sh@ks18 · #10 10-05-2006, 04:28 PM

and as always, we're here for you

SimosGirl · #11 10-05-2006, 07:15 PM

All I can say is "welcome to the army". While you have been married to him for a little while now, I think that the true 'military life' comes out when a deployment takes place. I'm guessing that you live on base and while it might not be easy or enjoyable for you to socialize with the other wives, the FRG willl become a very important part in this deployment. Since we are National Guard, we don't have a base but our FRG seems pretty good. I don't go to any of the get togethers because I feel really out of place since most of them are wives and many of them are MUCH older than me so I feel like I can't relate to them but I've kept in email contact with them throughout this entire deployment and I attend the major 'briefings' when they take place.

As hard as it is to believe, it does get easier. I promise. I thought I'd never be able to make it and here I am more than a year later and while it feels like its been a long time, I can remember taking him to his gate at the airport like it was yesterday. I have managed to keep busy and like it was already said, just CONSTANTLY keep yourself busy. In the beginning of the deployment, I sent letters everyday but talking online became the dominant way to talk. I always tell him I feel bad becuase I don't send mail like I should because I end up not having anything to say but he assures me its ok becuase he talks to me online and I send him emails. But I still try and send him stuff at least twice a week.

If you haven't done so already, I'd reccomend getting a GOOD webcam becuase it will seriously come in handy. Also get a decent digital camera and depending on how you are with pics and stuff, you might want to get a video camera too. Dan has yet to meet a lot of my family and because of the timing of his deployment, many of the holidays have been missed. So he bought me a nice video camera and I take it with me everywhere I go and for example, on the fourth of july, I video taped the fireworks and everyone I was there with (family) were talking to him and telling him that they cna't wait until he is there with us next year. Some of them have never even met him. IT was sweet. There is also construction going on aroudn here so I'll occasionally video tape my drive to work or my drive to class to show him how its changed and it sounds really stupid but he really appreciates that stuff.

Just hang in there. The first few days are the hardest. Unlike you, I am (Well was) an extremley dependent person and he even commented the otehr day that the transformation I have made has been amazing. I used to not even go to the grocery store alone becuase I didn't like being by myself and while I can't wait until he comes home, I have also learned how much I was relying on someone else to do things that I should be doing on my own. I have always been 'old for my age' but this deployment forced me to grow up in many other ways.

And of course, the pride is amazing. I have never thought it possible to be so proud of someone before and I truly believe that the pride helps make everyday a little bit easier.

One thing that made it a little easier for us is that he doesn't call home much. Yes we talk online a good amount but the phone calls home are nice surprises. Until last week (when I was driving his truck and it broke

) I would get a phone call MAYBE once a month. Because of his truck, he called a few more times to see what was going on with it and of course he'd call on birthdays and holidays. I know other girls who have their men calling home nightly and they tend to let it consume their lives. They are always waiting for the call and if they don't get one for whatever reason-- they immediatley start to panic. Not all of them are like that, but I know that if he were to call every night and one night I didn't get a call, I would be the same way and I would drive myself crazy waiting for the phone to ring.

I didn't mean for this to be so long and to be totally honest, I could keep on going but for everyone's sake, I'll stop now

. I'm around if you want to talk or if you have any questions or you just need someone else to vent to about everything. I have an amazing group of 'online' friends from a military message board and the girls there are what helped me get through this deployment. ANd thats why I am SOOOO glad I've found this site because I get the same 'vibe' here that I do there and I don't know what I would have done without those girls and I"m looking forward to having this place for all the wedding support and talk.

Hang in there sweetie!! Enjoy your time with him before he leaves and I'll keep my fingers crossed that they don't bump up his deployment date.

SimosGirl · #12 10-05-2006, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robyn Lynn

I scrapbook and have an army one started for DH

I think that nighttime will be hardest when he's gone. Anytime I have to stop and think about him not being here.

I scrapbook too and we bought some great stuff for his scrapbook-- unfortunatley I got so busy with a million different projects that I've only managed to get 2 pages done but I know one of these days, I'll complete it.

And yes, I'll admit- the nights are the hardest. I've spent many nights on teh couch because I find that I sometimes get a better nights sleep there since it doesn't seem as empty. I also have a build a bear he made for me that is in 'his spot' on the bed and has a pic of him in his lap so that sleeps next to me too. Dan jokes taht he's going to have to fight the bear for his spot back on the bed. It seems silly but having that there as a little reminder of Dan each nigh has really helped too.

Robyn Lynn · #13 10-05-2006, 07:42 PM

Thank you everyone!! I feel much better being able to share what's going on.

Simosgirl, thanks for the suggestions!! Unfortunatley we have a very uncomfortable lopsided couch

but I have a TV in the bedroom and will probably leave it on all night when he's gone(I know, that's not good, but I find television very comforting).

I have a bear, too. It is the carebear i've had since I was 10. He sometimes sleeps in the bed with us!! anyway, I asked TJ what i was going to do at night when he's gone and he told me that I have Carebear

I plan on sleeping in the middle of the bed!!

I don't live on base yet. We are 200+ on the list. I live 6-10 miles away(depending on which gate is open). I have started socializing with other wives, just not the ones in the troop. They are a little older than me.

SimosGirl · #14 10-05-2006, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robyn Lynn

Thank you everyone!! I feel much better being able to share what's going on.

Simosgirl, thanks for the suggestions!! Unfortunatley we have a very uncomfortable lopsided couch

but I have a TV in the bedroom and will probably leave it on all night when he's gone(I know, that's not good, but I find television very comforting).

I have a bear, too. It is the carebear i've had since I was 10. He sometimes sleeps in the bed with us!! anyway, I asked TJ what i was going to do at night when he's gone and he told me that I have Carebear

I plan on sleeping in the middle of the bed!!

I don't live on base yet. We are 200+ on the list. I live 6-10 miles away(depending on which gate is open). I have started socializing with other wives, just not the ones in the troop. They are a little older than me.

At least you are close to base. ANd I know what you mean about socializing with those closer in your age (even if they are not in the unit). Its tough when you have nothing else in common but the deployment. I thought I'd sleep in the middle of the bed but I've managed to stick to my side LOL.

labeadel · #15 10-06-2006, 12:07 AM

Robyn, we'll be here for you during this hard time.

AshyBekka · #16 10-06-2006, 02:09 PM

Hey girl-
You know I just finished up a deployment, so I know how you feel. It's a one day at a time thing, and I can tell you that the first month is rough, but once you get to that marker, somehow things start to get a little better. I don't know-you find your routine, communications are generally established and better, and you start to see that time really DOES pass.

As for the wives, it's definitely a weird situation sometimes. Since I live in Arkansas, I didn't have to have a whole lot of contact during deployment, but I've met a few of them from time to time. I'm 27, and the average military wife at Lejeune is probably about 5 years younger, so sometimes we don't have a whole lot in common. But there is something to be said about having a deployment in common. A lot of my friends tried so hard to be there for me, but it's really hard for someone not going through it to understand the emotions that go along. Just try to keep those lines of communication open. Also, does the Army have the equivalent of a KV (Key Volunteer)? It's a wife whose sole job during deployment is to be the conduit of info between the command and the wives. She's definitely a wife you want to be in contact with. Bottom line on that: I encourage you to seek out opportunities to meet at least a couple of wives. They're great resources, and you're all going through the same thing.

Other than that-there's me! I just finished this up, so if you have any questions, or you're worried, please don't hesitate to shoot me a message! HUGS!!

Yelycrazygirl · #17 10-06-2006, 02:25 PM

Lots of

for you... we are going to keep him in our prayers, and you'll see that time pass faster than you think... Hang in there.....

DragonYoga · #18 10-06-2006, 06:50 PM

Hey Robyn sweetie, I'm sorry I missed this thread! Everyone else has had great suggestions. I'm an introvert too, but I couldn't imagine if Marv were in the army... I'd be miserable! Here's a bunch:

breezy · #19 10-06-2006, 07:19 PM

You might find that you make friends with other unit wifes after they have deployed. Right now they (and you) have alot on your plates and minds. When your hubby is leaving, your focused on him and the short time you have... not investing time in making new friends.
After they have deployed there tends to me alot more focus on wanting to be around others going through it with you, and alot more time to develop and maintain friends.
There is an old joke that if the Army wants you to have a wife they will issue you one... hence you are now in the Army. It is a tireless, thankless, payless job. One I hope that you know we are thankful you do

Key Wives are a great resource and are usually picked because of their ability to calmly help, friendly welcoming demeanor and ability to problem solve.
Best of luck sweetie!

I think the transitional times are the hardest... when they are leaving and when they 1st return.

Robyn Lynn · #20 10-07-2006, 02:50 AM

Thank you, everyone. I am feeling a lot better and appreciate all the support.

I don't know about a Key Volunteer, but we do have the FRG leaders(Family Readiness Group). We have to let them know when we are going on vacation and stuff in case they need to contact us(or the Army does). They also set up a webiste for my husband's troop.

I did get to know a couple people last night I hadn't met before and exchanged phone numbers with the fiance of one soldier who said we should go out to dinner and movies and hang out so that was nice. A lot of wives are going home to their families(if you live on base you can leave and not lose your home!).

I went and got maps for my trip to California and I am getting excited about seeing all my friends and family back there. I may also be going to see someone in Albuquerque if I need to detour out that way(extra 200 miles, but I avoid the Rocky Mountains).

My husband has a 4 day weekend this weekend so I am enjoying him being around 24/7. We took a trip to the "city" today(30 miles away). He was such a good sport going to craft stores with me!! First we went to a Ben franklins which was small and disappointing. Then i happened upon a Hobby lobby -- i had not seen it before and was excited because I'd heard on this website how awesome they are. it also looked pretty big. well, i go in and ,my jaw just about dropped

-- the place was HUGE!!!!! My husband had gone to a place next door and I hoped he didn't come looking for me because I was afraid he'd get lost!! Well, he did(I took too long!!), but had just asked the cashier where the scrapbook stuff was when I came up to the counter so that was good -- because I had left scrapbboking and went to opposite side of store for ribbon!! he would not have known what to do

So, I am feeling better and enjoying the weekend. Thanks for all of your support!

Robyn Lynn · #21 10-11-2006, 12:28 AM

TJ's deployment date got pushed back to the 20th so we have 4 extra days!!!

fallbride · #22 10-11-2006, 12:43 AM

Enjoy the extra 4 days!!

labeadel · #23 10-11-2006, 02:49 AM

Oh, that's great news!

Leslee&Jake · #24 10-11-2006, 03:14 AM

GREAT!!! I am excited that you found a fiance of someone in your husbands troop. You should definately try to set up a time to spend time with her!!

ljeagle · #25 10-11-2006, 08:35 PM

4 days can help a lot.