This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by Sunkiss30 on 4/21/04. Feel free to add your comments by pressing Post Reply.
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posted by Sunkiss30
I wanted to know opinions on this idea, my friend wants her mom and dad to walk her down the aisle, one on each side of the arm, because she has been married before; however, her dad is now remarried. Is this appropriate?
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posted by catina
Personally, I wouldn't have anybody walk me down the aisle if I had been married before.
However, not my wedding! So, if your friend wants her mother and father walk her down the aisle, nothing wrong with that. Even if the father is remarried. He is still her father. It may appear to some people to be awkward. But, it's her choice and she should do it, but only if her parents are comfortable with it as well as her.
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posted by Sunkiss30
That's the thing apparently her dad is not comfortable with it and mentioned that it might hurt her stepmom's feelings. My friend feels that he should do it because she is his daughter. I mentioned that apparently it means alot whether he hurts his wife's feelings or he wouldn't have said anything. Does this make him wrong for not wanting to do this?
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posted by catina
I don't think that there is a right or wrong here. It could be that he doesn't feel the neccessity to walk her down the aisle "again". Although a second marriage and it's traditions are sometimes just as important in the bride's mind, the traditions may not neccessarily be as important to others. I'm not suggesting that her father feels that way, just that walking her down the aisle, especially if he's concerned about his wife, may not be something that is neccessary to do. I hope that makes sense! I don't want to sound like because it's a second marriage, some things aren't as important. I'm just trying to look at it from a parent's point of view.
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posted by Sunkiss30
Okay, I think I left something out. My friend didn't walk down the aisle in her first marriage, it was a justice of the peace type deal. She has never had a true wedding ceremony. So I can see her point, yet I can see her dad's point too. He is basically caught in the middle. I personally feel that it isn't necessary to walk the aisle "again" with your ex-wife either. I just want my friend to keep an open mind and to take into consideration the feelings that her actions may play on others.
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posted by wynelle
The second "walk down the aisle", regardless if the first marriage was a JOP or a cathedral, is a show of support only. After the first marriage (and even now with the first), the bride is not "given away."
So, this symbolic walking down the aisle is just to show support. I would probably not do it. At the point where the minister used to ask "Who gives this woman to be wed?" , it is now more appropriate to say "Who supports this man and this woman in this marriage?" and have the Dad, Mom and MOG/FOG all answer affirmatively.
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posted by Sunkiss30
I will suggest this, it sounds more appropriate. Like you said it is a sign of support. I think she just wanted everyone to be able to play a part in the wedding.
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posted by skinnard
Step-parents are a sticky subject when it comes to weddings. I know, I have been there, done that! My dad insisted my stepmother sit by him at my wedding and that put my mother not sitting directly on the end for the best view of me coming in. I have regretted it every since. I say biological parents, if they have been real parents, should have the honor and step parents realize they are just that, step-parents. There is no denying the mother and father had the child and they should walk her down the aisle together if that is what she wants. They are her parents!
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posted by 6amandaf6
Okay, I understand that traditions might not be seen as as important the second time round, but I don't get why her Dad would think his new wife would have a problem walking down the aisle with his daughter. Regardless of whether he has a new wife or not, him and his ex-wife wil always be the parents of your friend. If he is uncomfortable with it, it should be because it is her second marriage, not because it might upset his new wife.
FYI, I had both my parents walk me down the aisle and everyone thought it was a nice gesture. As they both raised me, I think it made them seem equally important.
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posted by SkyeCPHT
Skinnard I just wanted to pop in and say I agree with you! I never understood where step-parents getting off saying it will hurt their feelings if their spouse walks their biological child down the aisle, or if the spouse has to sit with his/her ex. The step-parents are not the focal point of the wedding... My fiance's mother passed several years ago, from breast cancer, and his dad's new wife threw a fit about him coming to her funeral. WTF?? He was married to her for goodness sake, and he SHOULD be there to support his children! I just don't get step-parents sometimes. You know, they knew what they were getting into, marrying someone who already has children or an ex. grr! It just makes me mad. haha sorry!
)
cristin
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posted by maxine
Well I am getting married for the second time, and I will agree some of the traditions loose their importance. Most people now a day say, "oh years ago there were all kinds of rules of how a second marriage should be but now anything goes".
Some of these rules are more sensitive to the second time bride depending on how she feels. However, I do feel it really doesn't matter who walks you down the aisle, it is a sign of support of the transition from your life before to a new life with your spouse, those walking you down the aisle symbolize their support before and after the marriage.
a friend of mine had her mom walk her down the aisle. And it may sound strange but there was not a dry eye in the church because everyone knew this was her support through it all growing up.
I happen to have a very close relationship with my step dad, he was more of a father to me than my biological father. He walked me down the aisle the first time and will again. I wanted my mom and step dad, however my mom felt she didnt want to take that away from him. I think it is very appropriate, if your dad has a problem with your day, he should keep quiet. Anyone who has dated a previously married person (with kids) knows they had another life before they met and needs to respect that and that you were a product of that marriage. Your dad's new wife has no grounds to complain, it is her husbands daughter's wedding.
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posted by amymarie
I just wanted to throw in that my wedding is not my first. However, it will be first for my FH. Neither of my parents will be at my wedding for reasons out of my control. I don't need to be "given away". I would like someone to walk with me down the aisle. So I've asked my uncle(who is like a father to me) to walk with me. I told him that I didn't want to be given away, but I needed someone to walk with me. He said he would never give me away anyways, he was sooooo happy. I think if my real father were to be there, I would still have my uncle walk with me.
IF my parents were to show with there wifes or husbands, I wouldn't let them sit in the front. If they didn't like it, oh well. It's not their wedding. And if I thought they were going to make a big deal out of it, I would ask them not to come. How dare they try to make YOUR DAY miserable.
anyways, I love my uncle and I love my real dad. But my uncle supports me in everything I do, so it will be him who walks with me.
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posted by vegas bride
Would it be possible to include the step mother with a corsage or a token of her importance now?
i solved the walking down the aisle this way. I will be in the back and john will be in the front. we will walk toward each other and give ourselves to each other. After all where my parents are concerned, you can not give away something that has been discarded.
We will recognize the mothers and fathers with a lei or other special flower (have relatives in Hawaii). that way they are being recognized and we do not have to settle for any less than our dreams.
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posted by Laine
When my daughter married she chose her grandfather to walk her to the last few seats and then I took her hand.
When the minister asked "who gives this woman" I said " I am proud to"
Hope this helps
Walking down the aisle (with divorced parents)
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