This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by bridetobee on 2/02/04. Feel free to add your comments by pressing Post Reply.
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posted by bridetobee
Hello. My parents are divorced and my mother has remarried. In an effort not to hurt either of my dads, I would like to walk down the aisle alone. My mother can not understand this. She does not like my real father and says my step-father will be very hurt by my decision. To me it is just a silly tradition, created during a time when brides didn't get to choose who they'd marry. The father chose for them and gave them away to that man. That's not how I see my wedding. My fiance and I have chosen to be together. I love both my dads equally and don't want to hurt anyone. Any advice? Thanks ahead of time.
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posted by Holly
Hi,
If you want to walk down the aisle without an escort, that should be your choice, not your mom's. It sounds like she would only be happy if you chose your stepfather over your father. If you can, tell her you do see it as a silly tradition, at a time when brides had no choice in the matter -- and tell her that you hope she supports your decision, because it is your decision to make. And, that it's not a personal attack on your stepdad, father, or mother -- it's just what you want. Then stay firm and hope for the best. Your mom may disagree, and she may be hurt, but I would suggest staying firm and sticking to what you want -- otherwise you may find yourself giving in to her about everything.
Good luck.
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posted by wynelle
The other option is to have both your Dads walk you down the aisle, either simultaneously, or have your step-dad start you down, and halfway be met by your birth father for the remainder of the trip. Or again, you could have your mother escort you down the aisle. There are lots of options you have for this important step to keep everyone happy and feeling loved.
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posted by catina
This definitely is a decision that you have to make, not your mother. But, there are other options like the ones wynelle suggested. Think about them carefully, talk about them with your fiance. Discuss what you'd liek to do with both your step-father and father, to make sure they are comfortable with what you want to do. Then, inform you mother what the decision is.
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posted by SkyeCPHT
I had the same problem but for a different reason -- I wanted to walk down the aisle alone because I sort of thought the idea of a father giving away his daughter was silly. I have been living on my own for 6 years now and my dad doesn't 'own' me in a sense to 'give me away' anymore. My mom objected to this tremendously so my solution was to have both my parents walk me down the aisle. I'm just as much my father's as I am my mother's!! Perhaps you could ask your mother and your birth father? I would hope they could put their differences aside on your wedding day and placate you no matter what your decision may be. I am sure your stepfather would understand. Good luck and let us know your decision!!
)
cristin
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posted by Marge129
I wouldn't have both your dads walk you down at the same time... it looks "bulky" and squeezed together.
As for your mother, it's not her decision. This is your wedding, you should have whoever you want walk you down the aisle. If you choose your father, your step-father should understand. After all, he is your STEP-dad, not your dad.
If you think it's going to do nothing but cause problems, I would just escort yourself down the aisle, or ask a close friend to do it instead. Do what wil make you happy, don't worry about what other people think, they'll get over it.
Marge
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posted by 6amandaf6
I think half the trouble is our Mums get this picture in their head of how they think their daughters wedding day should be. ANd they've been dreaming about it ever since their little girl was born. As soon as you suggest something that wasn't in their "picture" they're horrified/disappointed/whatever. I think your Mum will get over it, especially once all the stress of wedding planning is gone. My Mum did the same sort of thing; I was quite surprised how demanding and stubborn she got actually. She completely changed once we got engaged! But it only lasted as long as the wedding, any differences of opinion were gone on the day, and if you can, I would stick to what YOU want. You're the bride, you're being perfectly reasonable in wanting to walk yourself down the aisle. Its not like you're demanding something completely "bridezilla-ish"!!!!!! FYI, I had both my parents walk me down the aisle. Luckily they were both okay with that. GOod luck, and try to stay calm (easier said than done, I know)!
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posted by Hoboken
You should freak them all out and walk your dog down the aisle.. just kidding...
How do your Dad's feel about it? Have you spoken to them about it? I think you need to ask them directly.
Just remember...It's YOUR wedding..in the end you have to do what makes you happy. I know we all get the family guilt about some wedding related issue... but it is your day.
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posted by bridetobee
Thank you so much for all of your advice. It's very reassuring. I haven't spoken to either of my dads about this yet. My wedding's not until August and I wanted to take my time deciding without having to hurt anybody now or re-explain my decision if I change my mind. My mother has told my step-dad my decision. According to her, he was very hurt. So I guess the 'not hurting anyone' is kind of a lost cause. In my heart I want to walk down by myself. I will keep checking this post, if anyone has anything else to add please do. Thanks so much again.
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posted by feb-bride
Are you superstitious about your fiance' not seeing you before the wedding? If you are not superstitious, you could always walk down the aisle with your fiance'.
Do you KNOW your step-dad's feelings were hurt, or is your mom trying to make you feel guilty? I would talk to him myself - without mom around.
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posted by syringa
As a wedding coordinator, one of the things that we are doing in cases like yours is to have the groom enter with the minister, then the wedding party enters, then the bride starts down the aisle alone. The groom walks from the front to meet her half way and escorts her the remainder of the way. Couples who choose to do this consider it to be a symbol of walking into their new life together. This works even if you don't want the groom to see you before the ceremony, and you should see the emotion on his face as he walks toward his bride.
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posted by our_angel_micah
My FH and I are doing something completely different. We Both are gospel singers, putting on gospel concerts all over the country. We are singing to to each other as we walk down the aisle. Singing Clint Blacks and Lisa Hartman Blacks... "Easy for me to Say"
We aren't telling anyone about it just going to do it. This is not our first wedding so that is my excuse for someone not walking me down the aisle.
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posted by Juniper
I also am walking down the aisle alone. I am not very close with my father. After reading what everyone had to say I a, feeling better. I really liked syringa idea and will probably do that.
Jen
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posted by bridetobee
That's a great idea Syringa, I hadn't thought about that one. Thanks again to everyone for your input. :-)
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posted by HeatherR
HOLD ON A SECOND!
our_angel_micah - Didn't you just start a whole controversy about how couples will get divorced if they do not have god in their lives, and this isn't your first wedding?
I don't even need to say anymore... The word is right on the tip of my tongue but I will not go there.
Heather
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posted by HeatherR
I highly doubt it, but thanks for responding.
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posted by TiffanylovesShawn
The whole walking the Daughter down the isle is a religious thing, and if your not religious then dont worry about it. But just to clerify the point of the Dad walking the Daughter down the isle is representing that in a womans life he birth Dad has control over he until she is married. Then her husband does. That is the point. But if you dont believe that, then dont worry about doing it. I believe it, and I too have an awsome stepfather. But my real dad is kinda a dude so I am using my stepdad. Happy decisions Making
Just make sure it is your decision
want to walk down aisle solo - help!
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