This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by bride22 on 1/29/04. Feel free to add your comments by pressing Post Reply.
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posted by bride22
My ceremony will finish around 3 PM, but my mom wants to have the reception start at 6, with dinner being served at 7. Is this too much time?? In my parents' culture, it is not uncommon for the there to be a large gap between the ceremony and reception because typically only family and close friends attend the ceremony anyway. However, half of my guests are not used to this custom. What do out-of-towners who are attending the ceremony supposed to do? Advice??
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posted by Holly
I definitely suggest that the guests have some kind of activity to do, or place they can go, in the meantime.
Most people know someone in the town they are getting married in, that are willing to open their home to host hors d'oeuvres to guests. It doesn't have to be a big deal -- I think punch, veggies & dip and other similar snack-foods would suffice.
Other people have different activities to entertain the guests. For instance, we gave our guests free passes to a museum, that happened to be on-site. If you have a particular theme for your wedding, you can use that. Example: if you are having a Renaissance theme, you could have croquet set up.
In addition, I do think that 3 hours is a bit much. Is it possible to bump up the reception time, so there is a cocktail hour at 5, and dinner is served just after 6? Even with an activity, like I suggested above, some guests may be bored for a couple of hours.
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posted by Ekaaj
I agree with Holly - a gap of three hours is a bit too long. If you cannot change it, I would definitely try to provide the guests with something to do. But, is there any way that you could move the reception to begin earlier, as Holly suggested, and/or move the ceremony to a later time? That also makes for a very long event for your guests - (ceremony around 2PM, long gap, dinner at 7 and dancing until ???)
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posted by catina
That is long, but sometimes it can't be helped. What will you be doing during that time? That's a big gap for you as well. I personally would try to change the cermony so that it finishes later. Where is the cermony and reception? Same place or different location. How much driving time etc. My daughter's is at a hotel with alot of out of towners, so they'll be able to go up to their rooms to relaxe or even change.
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posted by feb-bride
I would make sure that you give your guests something to do if you are going to have that large of a gap between ceremony and reception. You could arrange for a room at the hotel to be set up as a cocktail room. Your guests could have a snack and something to drink between the ceremony and reception. You could do as Holly did and give your guests free passes to a museum, art gallery, or something else that would fill the time.
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posted by syringa
You mention that in your mother's culture the ceremony is attended only by a small number of guests and then a larger group attends the reception. The time gap that you mention works when you only invite a select group to the ceremony. When you invite all guests to both the ceremony and the reception, 3 hours is awfully long to expect people to stay around. Most people will tolerate 45 minutes to an hour between events, but not longer. If at all possible, it would be better to plan the ceremony for later in the day or move the reception up and don't serve a full meal. By asking people to arrive around 2 p.m. and then stay into the evening, they are essentially spending their day with you. If they have children that require a sitter or other activities planned that day, people won't stay for such a long event.
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posted by feb-bride
What could happen is that some of your guests may skip the ceremony and choose to attend only the reception.
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posted by Hoboken
Most wedding planners will tell you to schedule 3 hours from the time your ceramony starts until your coctail hour begins. (This is assuming they are at two different locations) Ex: Ceramony from 4-5pm.. Followed by receiving line, travel time and formal picture taking before coctail hour. By doing this, you are able to be free to enjoy your coctail hour and not have to worry about being "pulled out" to have that family picture taken.
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posted by Ekaaj
I have never heard of a wedding planner scheduling 3 hours from the ceremony start time until the start of the cocktail hour. Usually, even if the ceremony and reception are in different locations, the drive time is maximum 30 minutes between the two. What are the guests supposed to do during the extra 1 1/2 to 2 hours? That would be BAD planning, in my opinion.
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posted by catina
I find it hard not to have a long down time. With pictures after the ceremony, travel time, etc. It does seem really long, but sometimes you can't help it. Is 3 hours too long even with a cocktail hour thrown in there?
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posted by Ekaaj
I just think it's best to keep the time between the end of the ceremony and the start of, at the very least, a cocktail hour, to a minimum. Guests tend to get "antsy" if the break is too long, and I can't say I blame them. You should be able to do the photos right after the ceremony - I don't think it should take more than an hour, unless you do a million photos, and then head to the reception. Granted, there are things that need to be taken care of right after the ceremony, in addition to the photos, and then the bridal party needs time to travel to the reception. I just think that everything possible should be done to keep the time down to a minimum. That's just my opinion!
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posted by feb-bride
Here's what happened on my wedding day to keep the time between ceremony and reception to a minimum:
Before the ceremony:
Pictures of the bride (alone)
Pictures of the bride with her attendants
Pictures of the groom (alone)
Pictures of the groom with his attendants
After the ceremony (at ceremony site):
Pictures of the complete wedding party
Pictures of the bride and groom together
Pictures of the bride and groom with their parents
At the reception site:
Pictures of the bride and groom with their families
Our ceremony started at 2:00 p.m. and was about 30 minutes long. We started taking "pre-ceremony" pictures at 1:00 p.m. (bride first) and were done with the "pre-ceremony" pictures by 1:45 p.m.
As soon as the ceremony was over, the guests got in their cars and headed to the reception site (about a 30-minute drive) while we took the "post-ceremony" pictures at the ceremony site. It took about 30 minutes to take all of the "post-ceremony" pictures. My husband and I were at the reception site by 3:30 p.m.
I can't imagine needing more than 45 minutes after the ceremony to take pictures. Also, I would never have chosen a reception site more than 30 minutes away from the ceremony site.
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posted by syringa
As a wedding coordinator, I must agree with the shorter time lines. I have never planned for a cocktail hour to start 3 hours after the ceremony starts. Most ceremonies last only 20 to 30 minutes unless it is a Mass, which can take an hour. Couples today are doing away with the receiving line at the church in favor of greeting guests at the reception (bride and groom only). This allows them to quickly get in to start the after ceremony photos. With travel time, a reception usually starts about 1 1/2 hours after the start of the ceremony. If the couple take all of the photos before the ceremony, which many photographers prefer, then the bride and groom have time for a limo ride while the guests are making the drive to the reception. One and a half hours is usually more than sufficient for the time between events.
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posted by trixie
I feel for this bride.
I wanted a late ceremony, followed by the reception. However, the only time I could get at the church I really want to get married in is 1:00, with a dinner reception.
Our reception will be at a national park so there are a number of things for our guests to do - go shopping, relax in the adjoining hotel room, check out the sights, etc.
Obviously, less time between the 2 is best, but most guests will (and should) understand. I know I've never been upset due to the length of time between wedding and reception. Sometimes, you just can't change these things, so you do the best with them.
Best of luck!
Downtime between reception and ceremony
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