This is a thread that was started in our old BlissWeddings.com forums by sparklesweetie on 8/07/05. Feel free to add your comments by pressing Post Reply.
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posted by sparklesweetie
Ok, does anyone know what the general percentage is that ppl RSVP on weddings? Also, I'm having a mini-dillemma. My side of the family is huge, while his is very small. This is fine, except my mom wants to add more ppl to the list (friends of hers, but whom I've also known my whole life). The list has gone towards the 200 number now I believe. I really would prefer to cut some people off the list, such as work people (I work at a preschool with all women...) and I don't know how to do so without stepping on toes. I really don't want to upset anyone, but I just don't think we can afford to have that many people. I had orginally started out saying I was going to have a small wedding. HA! Please help.
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posted by 555Ann555
I don't know what the % is for weddings but for parties in general they say that 30% of those invited won't come.
Can't you just explain to your mum that your side is already out-numbering his, so there isn't any room for more?
If your parents are footing the bill this could be tricky. At my friends wedding her folks invited almost everyone they knew because they felt that as were paying they could have who they liked!
Ann & Moreno
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posted by labeadel
They say that about 20% of people you invite won't be able to come.
If your mom is paying for the wedding, she may want to have her own guest list. Do you have a budget that you are exceeding? If you do, I would sit down with your Mom and let her know that you are going over budget and need to cut some people, and unfortunately, some of her people MIGHT need to go. I'm sure you guys can cut some guests from the list. If all of your coworkers mean something to you, then try to keep them on. I know it's awkward when you have some coworkers invited and others aren't. FH and I are dealing with that right now too.
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posted by NovemberGal
I've heard everything from 15% to 30%. But it can be dangerous to count on a certain number...those are averages, which means somewhere, someone's probably got nearly 100% acceptance--and hopefully they didn't plan to seat only 80%! We've made sure our sites can hold just about the full invite list (which isn't final final yet, but will probably be maybe 5 people too many for the site, and we already know a few people can't come).
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posted by sparklesweetie
Yeah, I've told my mom that my side is already considerably bigger. However, she isn't paying for the wedding. She's just helping out with things like my dress and decorations for the reception. We don't really have a set budget, but I don't want to go over $5,000. (guess that would be a budget, huh?) And my co-workers aren't that important to me...but I know how they talk and I think they'd be insulted if they weren't invited. I dunno...maybe if I don't talk about it at work it won't be so bad? I had the thought earlier this weekend that if I though that I'd still be talking to a person in 10 years, then they should be definite invites. What do you think?
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posted by TheaterDiva1
First, you may want to explain to your mother that you only have money (or space) for a certin number of people, but maybe offer to invite some of her people if space opens up (yes, I'm suggesting a "B" list, but I'm trying to say it more nicely).
As for co-workers, you don't have to invite them if you don't want. Just keep two things in mind - there's no way to gracefully invite some co-workers and not others, but if you don't invite any, at least they would understand if you and your FI both decided not to invite ANY people from work (if that's the case). It's up to you. Also, if you decide not to invite them, you should try to keep wedding talk to a minimum at work.
-Maggie
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posted by Marrying the Good Husband
Sparkle, if your parents aren't paying, I'd suggest you tell your mother you cannot afford to invite your friends and as much as you'd love to have her friends there, you just don't have the money to cover it. Maybe she'd give you money to cover HER guests, at least? And I think coworkers, for the most part, are understanding that even if you're social together, they will be the first ones "cut." If possible I'd suggest you don't invite any coworkers, then there won't possibly be any hard feelings. But do tell them how much you'd LOVE to invite them, but you're already over 200 family members and can't afford it. That way they won't be waiting for an invitation and also know you're thinking about them. Perhaps you can all go out for celebratory drinks after work or lunch or something?
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posted by Emmi
If given the choice between life long friends of your mother and your co-workers, I would suggest inviting your mother's friends. In regards to talking about your wedding at work, if I was your coworker, I would enjoy hearing about your plans but not expect to be invited. However, if your preschool is small then you would have to make sure you do not invite any so as to not cause any hurt feelings. Like someone else mentioned, maybe you can get together afterwards to celebrate. I have also worked at places where a person would post their wedding invitation on the bulletin board so that if someone wanted, they could attend the ceremony (of course, if your wedding/reception is in the same place, this would not be an option) but in today's world, some may take that as an invitation to the reception as well. Unfortunately, when it comes to wedding invites, you can't please everyone.
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posted by sparklesweetie
Yeah, I know it's not possible to please everyone. As a matter of fact, I'm thinking about cutting the list way down. My grandma and aunt both told me that it wasn't worth it to invite people that I never see. (My mom's side is very large.) And truthfully, they (a big chunk of that side) don't invite me to their going ons, so I don't think it will matter much. I'm still debating over the girls I work with...it'll either have to be none or all I know. Lol, I haven't even edited my list in awhile...it scares me.
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posted by Emmi
Eliminating people you don't speak to on a regular basis is a good idea. My theory is -if you can't sit down and have a conversation with them, why invite them (obviously on fh side, that would mean him sitting down w/ the person)I don't think there is any need to invite relatives just because they are relatives and the last time you saw them was at another wedding or a funeral. Use that 'space' for someone you really want there!
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posted by sparklesweetie
Exactly! I agree wholeheartedly with you Emmi. As a matter of fact, I think I'm going to work on the list now....
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posted by e-star
Also, if you are inviting guests who live out of town, you will get a higher percentage of "no" replies.
Both my FH and I did not invite cousins we hadn't seen in a long time - we wanted that space for our friends whom we do see. We did invite all the aunts and uncles though, so parents were happy, but that still helped a lot. Overall, 18 family guests versus a potential huge number!
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posted by Emmi
happy I could help -- and to clarify the relative comment -- I didn't mean that just because you only see them at other weddings you shouldn't invite them b/c with today's busy schedules , unfortunately , we use that time to catch up because we haven't had time to get together otherwise. I just meant that those you would be inviting would otherwise be considered a 'stranger' other than the fact that they are related somehow (in other words, you have nothing in common). Didn't want anyone to take my first comment the wrong way.
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