FH and friends - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

imstilldreaming · #1 08-18-2006, 09:59 PM

Hi there,

I have a problem with my FH. He has this thing where he thinks that everyone he's ever met is his best friend that should be invited to our wedding. I am pretty much the complete opposite and don't feel comfortable with him inviting people he knew for say, a semester in college and doesn't speak to anymore. How do we compromise on this? I was thinking of saying if you haven't spoken to such in such in a year, they shouldn't be invited but then that leaves out old high school buddies, etc. Any advice? Thanks a bunch!

Sharon Naylor · #2 08-24-2006, 05:23 PM

I can't tell from your letter if you're having space or budget issues -- if these friends are going to push your guest list over your limit or cause you to leave others out.

If not, and if it's just a matter of your guest list including people you know aren't ultra-important in your groom's life right now, take a step back and really think about what your groom might be thinking. Maybe he wants to re-connect with old friends, or maybe he wants to have more people on 'his side' of the guest list...

Write back with the details so that I can help...

Thanks!

Sharon

imstilldreaming · #3 08-24-2006, 10:33 PM

oh, sure, sorry!

It's mostly a space AND budget issue--we're wanting to save as much as possible for the honeymoon, so the ceremony isn't as important to us. Our parents aren't helping us with anything, and we're recent college graduates trying to pay off college loans, so we don't have a lot of expendable money. It isn't that I want to invite more people than him and he is trying to 'even it up' or anything like that, he wants to invite probably twice that of my friends and family. It really is just the fact that he cannot distinguish between friends and acquaintances!! Part of it may be that he doesn't really know how much extra people add to the total cost but I've tried to show him--for example, I've told him to have coffee and tea for 100 people through one particular caterer is $200! Just for coffee and tea! I'm just at a loss! I want him to invite people that he feels are important to him but he even admits that most of those on his list aren't!

Sharon Naylor · #4 08-28-2006, 02:18 PM

Space and budget are a universal problem, and you can drive this point home to your FH by showing him the averages of what brides and grooms are spending in your area -- go to www.costofwedding.com and plug in your zip code. It will then give you a report of the average $ spent in each area of weddings. Showing him great materials like your caterer's headcount prices will also support the reality of what the wedding will cost. (Sounds like you've done this already -- good move!)

Now as for the guest list, that's a universal problem too. So here's what I suggest, since your groom is admitting that these people aren't very close to him. Create a Tiers System for your guest list. Tier A is your bridal party and closest relatives. Tier B is aunts, uncles, cousins and best, best friends. Tier C is more distant relatives and colleagues, bosses, and very close friends you see often. And so on. When you sit down and work the numbers of having X number of Tier A and Tier B, then it starts to get pretty clear that Tier G and Tier H are neither essential nor possible. He may just need to see the guest list in a different way to illustrate both how people on the guest list come with a big dollar sign attached, and how YOU'RE assigning your more distant friends and acquaintances.

Hopefully these steps will get him to agree to cut down his side of the list...

Good luck!

Sharon Naylor
Author of 1000 BEST WEDDING BARGAINS