Very Grumpy - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

m_t_rose · #1 08-17-2006, 03:22 AM

I dont want to be one of those people who are always complaining about their Fmil but mine is really starting to get on my nerves. I thought I had everything worked out with FH commuting and everything, but now FH's mom says it is out of the question for him to commute in the summer after we are married.
I really dont think it is in her place to tell us where he can live or where he can not. I am getting quite upset she keeps saying that it is only two and a half months but I mean that is the begining of the marriage. I do not want to be seperated for the first two months. Maybe I am just grumpy with her but I dont care what she thinks anymore. Maybe I am just overeacting but I think in the end it is my desicion. 1 hour is not that long to commute!!!!! I feel like I am

I know there are Fmil and mothers on this site. I really need advice

PlanetClaire · #2 08-17-2006, 03:26 AM

I think the key here is your FH. Your FMIL can boss and order all she wants. What needs to be done is for you and FH to make the decision and be firm about it and just do it. You have to take her power away and he has to be the one to do it. He can't be Mommy's little boy and do as she says forever. Wife outranks Mom!!

Easier said than done though, right?! Good luck!

Complicated Woman · #3 08-17-2006, 04:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PlanetClaire

He can't be Mommy's little boy and do as she says forever. Wife outranks Mom!!

I think that's exactly it.

As long as your FH has cut the cord and is making decisions for himself, your FMIL can talk all she likes about it.

ljeagle · #4 08-17-2006, 12:09 PM

I know you could use this! Sorry I know it can be hard some times I hope it all works out.

Heather · #5 08-17-2006, 01:13 PM

I'm grumpy too (no sleep last night) so don't take this the wrong way. It's not good when two grumps start conversing, lol. I'm just trying to understand what's going on.

Quote:

now FH's mom says it is out of the question for him to commute

Your FMIL is telling your husband that he can't commute?

Quote:

she keeps saying that it is only two and a half months but I mean that is the begining of the marriage. I do not want to be seperated for the first two months.

Is she telling him to commute or not? Or, is the issue when he commutes?

Quote:

Maybe I am just overeacting but I think in the end it is my desicion.

Isn't it your fiance's decision? If you two already worked out a plan that works for you two, then there's no reason to listen to FMIL at all. Definitely ask him to talk to her and explain that you both worked out a scenerio that works for you.

Good luck and I'm sure it'll work out fine.

Emily · #6 08-17-2006, 02:05 PM

What Heather said!!!

Your FH needs to stand up to his Mother - tell her to butt out!

Kim&Bob2004 · #7 08-17-2006, 11:59 PM

Heather I was a bit confused too as to how it was her decision, but I think she must have meant her FH made the decision.

Anyway, I agree with Claire, Heather and everyone else. Stick to your collective guns. It's hard for parents to let their children make their own decisions, but the easiest way may be to nod and say, "I know you love us, thank you for all your advice and we will take it under serious consideration and do what we think is best for OUR family." That is what we do anyway.....

, 'cause I know you need one!

m_t_rose · #8 08-18-2006, 12:40 AM

Well FH talked to his mother and she had made some arrangements for him to stay with family when the weather gets bad and she has to co-sign the lease. Well when we told her it was our descision she said she would not co-sign the lease and tell the family not to let him stay. I am beginning to think she doesn't want us to get married.

As with the confusion his mother is saying it is only 2 extra months that we will be seperated (he would be living away at school) and that he can not commute

. Oh well him and I are going there tomorrow without his mom and my parents said that they would sign the lease for him. In doing this tough I think it will create a bigger rift

Heather · #9 08-18-2006, 12:48 AM

Ahhh, okay. I got it now... It does sound like they're trying to keep him near them, but not necessarily away from you. I don't blame his Mom for asking about bad weather though. I know that I hate driving in it, and it's other drivers I don't trust, not me. (Northern NY girl here.)

I'm glad your parents are willing to help with the situation. Good luck!

DragonYoga · #10 08-18-2006, 02:42 PM

M T Rose,

Your FMIL sounds a tad bit too much like my mom! I love her to death, but she likes to have something on me to keep me in line. I think your FMIL will (hopefully) realize she no longer has the ability to do that anymore. Especially if your parents cosign the lease. And I'm willing to bet my teeth that your FH's side of the family will roll their eyes heavenwards and allow him to stay with them, if this is normal behavior for her.

Anyhow,

for you two!

RACS218 · #11 08-28-2006, 12:47 PM

Some mothers can be really like that. But in the end, it would still be you and your FH decision. Goodluck! Hope you can work things out..

Beverly Spencer
http://bridesmaidtailor.com/
http://bridesmaidtailor.com/gallery.htm

DragonYoga · #12 08-28-2006, 12:53 PM

SO! M T Rose, what's the update???