giving a gift

[Summer07]

I hope I'm posting in the right place.... first day here- first post

I'm going to a friend's wedding this weekend. The girl has been good friends with my FH for about 15 years. I've met her a few times over the last 6 years but we've never gotten close (we're both very busy people and she doesn't live that close). I've met her FH twice by coincidence (sp) at stores, so we've talked very briefly. Anyways, I wasn't invited to the shower (which doesn't bother me) but I'm curious on the present. I've heard that you should give about $50 unless it's family or you were in the wedding party.
FH and I are not included in the party. Yes, they were very close friends in HS (he's been out of HS for 12 years) but they've drifted the last couple years and he sees her as much as I do. FH wants to give her $100 but I think that's too much (plus we're really hurting financially right now- for the next 2 weeks) but I can come up with $50 more if need be (I don't want to seem cheap by all means). My other question is do I bring it to the ceremony, have it sent to her house, her parents house. Should it be cash or a check?

Thanks girls

[mommy03bride]

welcome to pash

i think $50.00 is more then enough!
regarding how to give it or send it to her. the other girls on here will have better advice on that.

cant wait to hear about your wedding plans!

[Emily]

Have they asked for money??

In NZ (where I am from) it wouldnt be a problem but ..... what I have heard from the girls on here giving or receiving a gift of money for a wedding in the States is of poor taste!

BTW I think $50 is more than enough!

[Complicated Woman]

Em, giving money isn't in poor taste, it's asking for money that people aren't keen on over here.

I think $50 is probably fine, though I know I'm used to paying for my plate -- so, if a reception is a small church affair, I might spend $40, but if it's extravagant, I'll spend $100 -- just so the couple sort of breaks even...

...but I think this is an Italian-American thing. I'm used to dollar dances and wishing wells for cash -- we just throw money at the couple.

[gymrat]

I would say $50 is enough especially if that is what you can come up with. Like CW said some people like to cover the cost of their plate(s). I know I have attended weddings where my gift did not cover the cost of the plate but I also had to travel. Personally, I have given more of a gift (money or present) to some of my friends bc they are closer to me then some of my cousins who I never see or speak to.

Do what you feel comfortable with.

[Emily]

Originally Posted by Complicated Woman

Em, giving money isn't in poor taste, it's asking for money that people aren't keen on over here.

I think $50 is probably fine, though I know I'm used to paying for my plate -- so, if a reception is a small church affair, I might spend $40, but if it's extravagant, I'll spend $100 -- just so the couple sort of breaks even...

...but I think this is an Italian-American thing. I'm used to dollar dances and wishing wells for cash -- we just throw money at the couple.

DOH!!!!! Bl**dy cultural differences and all that!

Thanks for clearing that up for me babe! We dont have dollar dances or anything like that in NZ but because we are a country of travellers its quite acceptable to ask for money and to give without it being asked for!!

Hmmm maybe we could have a section somewhere or a post that outlines different countries do's and donts for wedding etiquette! Steve??

[Summer07]

Thanks girls. I thought 50 would be enough I just wanted to make sure.
I really have no idea how fancy the reception place is. She's getting married at a church and then reception follows on the complete opposite site of Detroit Metro area (45 min. drive ) There's actually a 2 hour gap in between.
Prices here can be outrageous for dinners but I'm hoping she's not too fancy and it'll cover it.

[wembley]

$50 will be more than fine, especially if that's what you can afford.

As for when to bring it, if it's just a card with money in it, they will probably have a card box at the reception. You could bring it there. Otherwise, it would be fine to mail it as well. One less thing for them to bring home then.

[labeadel]

I just went to a wedding recently (travelled and had to stay overnight) and gave $60. So, yeah, I say it's fine. And you can either send it to their house or bring it the wedding. It really doesn't matter. If you were giving an actual gift, I would say send it to their house, but a card isn't much to worry about.

[AngelRoseFyre]

$50.00 sounds ok with me. I personally would be ok with getting that as a bride, but everyone is different. Since you are not particularly close with the bride and groom and you FH has grown apart from them, I think that would be a fine gift. Of you could just go out and buy something worth $50.00, but you would have to know what they want.

I would take it to the reception, in a card. Most weddings have a place to put cards (card baskets, wells, trunks, boxes, mailboxes, bird cages, etc)

[Summer07]

Thanks.

Now I just realized that's something else I need to have at my wedding. A box for cards.

[Robyn Lynn]

Chiming in late here....

$50.00 is more than enough, IMO. For cash gifts I mostly got $20-$25 and that seemed more than enough.

For giving I usually try to find something on the registry(if there is one) or if it is a couple from church something related to our religion.

[Summer07]

I don't know where she's registered. How do you find that out by the way. Is that given when bridal shower invites go out?

[gymrat]

Originally Posted by Summer07

Now I just realized that's something else I need to have at my wedding. A box for cards.

I just had a basket that my programs were in so it really does not have to be anything fancy unless that is what you want.

[Summer07]

No no, nothing fancy. We're very simple people- and broke at that

[Kim&Bob2004]

I think the 50 bucks is more than enough. Really, I think since you are distant friends it sounds like a gift card at someplace they are registered for say $25 or $30 would be plenty.

We had a birdcage I had bought at a yard sale and cleaned and painted with white spray paint and garnished with bows and flowers for our cards. We wired the door closed and people could just slip the cards through the bars of the cage. It worked great!

[Heather]

If both my husband/boyfriend/fiance and I are attending the ceremony and reception, I would give $100, $50 each.

You should give what you can afford. There's no reason to scrounge around or put yourself back in order to give a wedding gift.

[labeadel]

Originally Posted by Summer07

I don't know where she's registered. How do you find that out by the way. Is that given when bridal shower invites go out?

You could do one of two things:

1. Go to the websites of any popular registry stores in your area, like Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, JC Penney, and you can click on registries and then type in the name of the bride or groom. If they are registered there, it will bring up their registry. This is what I usually do.

2. Click here: http://weddingchannel.com/ and there is a spot on the right hand side that asks you to fill in the name of the bride and/or the groom, and it will search certain popular stores for you. Keep in mind that this might not find all of the stores they are registered at, if any.

[Sh@ks18]

For our weddings, we usually give the cost of our plate which is about $50 per person. If you cant afford to pay that much, you can always purchase a gift for less than that.

[deputysgurl]

Originally Posted by Shaks18

For our weddings, we usually give the cost of our plate which is about $50 per person. If you cant afford to pay that much, you can always purchase a gift for less than that.

That's the way it is around here too. But i bet they will appreciate anything.

[Indigo]

We usually give $100 from both of us. Why don't you guys compromise and give $75.00?

[AngelRoseFyre]

Originally Posted by labeadel

You could do one of two things:

1. Go to the websites of any popular registry stores in your area, like Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, JC Penney, and you can click on registries and then type in the name of the bride or groom. If they are registered there, it will bring up their registry. This is what I usually do.

2. Click here: http://weddingchannel.com/ and there is a spot on the right hand side that asks you to fill in the name of the bride and/or the groom, and it will search certain popular stores for you. Keep in mind that this might not find all of the stores they are registered at, if any.

www.theknot.com also has registries listed on it, some that wedding channel does not, but I would check weddingchannel first it is easier and quicker.

[AngelRoseFyre]

Originally Posted by Summer07

Thanks.

Now I just realized that's something else I need to have at my wedding. A box for cards.

You can buy a wedding chest at Michaels or Hobby Lobby, but they cost about $50.00 (and I guess you could use it for holding keepsakes after the wedding), Micheal's has instructions on their websight on how to make them, which would be a cheaper option.

You can also rent them (usually card wells or bird cages) for about $10.00 -$20.00, depending on where you live (they are $10.00 here). And I saw a cardboard one from precious moments (shaped like a cake) you assemble yourself (looked easy) for 15.00.

All of those are good options if you are having guests you worry may take a card or cash, thats why one of my friends had one. They are secure, and it would be very obvious if someone was thrying to get into it. But if you are inviting people you trust won't be stealing your cards and money, I would probobly go with a less expensive and probobly better looking basket. That's what I am using, I think.

[DavidsWife]

I definatly agree with all the girls!!! $50.00 In great!


I took have heard or wishing wells and that sort of thing if the couple is "specifically" saving for something!

David and I would like a wishing well, We will express this with our guests! We want to buy a house!!!

Jayme

[Summer07]

I found her registry through weddingchannel... thank you so much- you've all been so helpful & quick in responding.